Dear Austin

Remember me?

Hey Austin!! Remember me?! C: Well I met you Thursday and you made my whole entire life better. First you stood side stage watching Kid Kern and this girl saw you and told me and my friends and I were trying to be so secretive xD Im glad no one else saw you because I would've felt bad... but I saw you side stage and showed you my "You Saved Me" Poster and you read it <3 I turned my head for a second and next thing you know you were giving me a hand heart and I nearly cried. The most I cried was when Braden played scars and all my makeup came off and he was just talking about it. I got cuddled by half the crowd xD. But then everyone ran out to meet you guys and I was one of the last ones, I was scared for a while and though that I wouldn't be able to meet you, but I did! I gave you my chalk fan art and you loved it and I gave you a note (signed Rachel Carriveau) You then signed the "Austin Jones saved my heart" poster <3 Your face when we showed them was unbelievable <3 It made me cry, we love you! But I hugged you and old you my parents are both disabled and I have to deal with them and school and you were one of the people that can always make me.. Smile. You seemed so devastated :( But we got a really cute picture hugging and I made my Derp face in front of you, which is never thought I'd do but I felt safe and comfortable with you. But then you met my friend and we were going to leave and I said I didn't want to and we hugged again and you looked me dead in the eye and told me to stay strong. That changed me forever. I will never EVER give up now. I promise you. But I wanted to tell you that I am almost two years clean of self harm. I self harmed for so long and I was being clean for you, Braden, my good friends. But I was finding it hard to stay strong and I scratched my arm two days before the concert I believe. My friends called it a setback and not a relapse so.. I'm still 21 months clean of self harm. I hope you read my note because it goes into further detail and explains how I've been sexually assaulted.. :/ But I also wanted to say..I tried killing myself 3 times.. but I'm SO SO SO glad I didn't because I would have never gotten to meet you and Braden. You were the first singer to tell me to Stay Strong and when you said it it impacted me so hard I broke down crying in the car and the next morning in school. I tried to keep my tears in at school and so much pressure built up in my head that my nose started bleeding. If I were to be dead.. I could have never met such a sweet man. I could've never met my heros. I could've never met the real Austin Jones, I would have just known the one behind the computer screen. You are so sweet, caring, handsome, funny, influential and kind person. I really wish I could talk to you more. But you're something big and I'm just that fan.. like it always works. But let me tell you, even though I wish I had a friend to talk to like you.. if I'm just a fan. I'll be the best damn fan I could ever be and I promise you that. I'm so proud of how far you've come and you are only going to get bigger. So I promise you I'll be strong and be the best fan You could ever have.. Now can you promise me some things? 2 things?

1. NEVER GIVE UP ( stay strong for me, like I will for you. Keep singing too)
2. Never forget me as you grow. Please.

I love you so much, you have a special place in my heart. You mean the world to me and even though we can't text or whatever because I am a fan and you're an artist, just know I am always here for you.
I love you so much.
I really do.
Remember me.
-Rachel Carriveau

IG: @Skybats_
Twitter: @Rachel1856
Facebook: Rachel Carriveau

<3
If you're reading this... Please somehow let me know you read it. please?
stay strong