the ways we love.

four.

-

While waiting for Reese to come back, Erin felt a vibration coming from her back pocket.

She took her phone out to see who it is and was taken aback.

Incoming call from Jayden

Erin had totally forgotten about her sister.

She peeked out of the aisle with Reese nowhere to be found, and so she left without a word hoping she'd run into him again someday.

Searching the parking lot, Erin spots her sister sitting on top of the car trunk.

"What took you so long, did you get sucked into your book or something?" Jayden pushed herself off the trunk and leaned onto the car.

Erin walks past Jayden and unlocks the door. "Yeah I did actually, I'm getting married to a billionaire in six months believe it or not," she teased.

Getting in the car, Jayden kicked her legs up onto the dashboard, closing the door next to her.

"Is he interested in a threesome? Let me know."

Other than Jayden blasting music through the radio, the drive home was silent.

Ten minutes later they were parked in front of their house.

"You coming?" as her sister walks towards the front door, Erin sits frozen in the driver's seat.

The test.

To her, an eighty-seven percent would be the death of her. Erin was one of the top students in her class, always passing at a ninety-five percent or higher.

And that test score ruined that title.

She wore herself out day and night for her whole four years of high school just to please her dad.

But it was never enough.

Erin could have simply just walked past her father and forget about it, but of course, her teacher had sent out emails to the parents about the test.

There was no way out of this.

Standing right outside of her house, she took a deep breath and walked through the front door.

Kicking off her shoes, her gaze trailed towards her dad sitting in the living room and the couch surrounded by empty beer bottles on the floor.

Her dad noticed Erin's arrival and stood up from where he was sitting. "Did you get your test scores back?"

"Not yet." in avoiding eye contact, Erin started to walk towards the stairs, but her dad grabbed her by her backpack and was pulled back.

She watched as her dad rummaged through her backpack and threw her stuff all over the floor until he came across the test, and it was in his hands.

Suddenly Erin felt a stinging pain in her left cheek as the sound of her dad's hand contacting with her face echoed off the walls.

"You're pathetic. Is it one of the top scores in your class?"

She looked down at her feet and slowly nodded no, physically and mentally preparing herself for what was about to happen next.

Feeling her back hit the wall with a loud thud, she was shoved to the ground laying on top of the papers that were scattered everywhere.

"All you do is mess around instead of study!"

I've been too busy cleaning up after you and taking care of Jayden, which should be your job.

"I didn't raise you just for you to be a failure!" He yelled as Erin flinched from his words.

Coming home late from the bar drunk every night isn't raising me, dad.

Hearing a loud slam coming from her father's bedroom, Erin sees her sister running down the stairs.

"Don't listen to him. He's the one to talk, he didn't even pass school, and he doesn't have a job." Jayden scoffed as she lifted Erin off the ground.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Pushing herself off of Jayden, struggling to get up from the ground, she ran to the bathroom.

She looked at herself in the mirror, tugging at her hair. She hates what she sees.

Pathetic.

Disappointment.

Failure.

Overwhelmed with all these thoughts, she clutched the edge of the sink with her nails digging deep into her palms as she felt her heart start to race.

Her throat started to close up feeling as if someone was choking her, her body trembling.

Erin hated the thought of her mother, but in times like these, she wished she was still here beside her.

For someone to comfort her.

She remembered a moment from the first night her mom had walked in on her panic attack.

"Do you want to know a method that helped me? Look at me and follow my breathing pattern. In for four, out for four."

Erin looked into her mother's eyes and felt safe. After an hour, she eventually calmed down and the sun began to rise.

"I'm right here, and I'll always be, okay?" She whispered as Erin laid in her arms, stroking her cheek with her thumb.

That night has stuck with Erin ever since.

Erin leaned against the bathroom door and slowly dropped her body to the floor.

With tears running down the side of her face, she brought her arms down wrapping around her stomach, and took in deep breaths.

"One...two...three...four."

Tired out from crying, Erin closed her eyes as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

She woke up unaware of her surroundings on the bathroom floor.

She looked out the window and there was no sign of sunlight. Looking at the time, realizing it was late at night, she went downstairs to the kitchen.

Erin grabbed herself a glass of water and looked over at the counter and spotted a box of donuts.

Judy's her favorite donut place that her mom took her and Jayden to when they were kids.

She told herself she'd just take a quick look. But as she opened the box, she was met with a delicious smell of donuts.

One bite wouldn't hurt.

And so she took one bite. Then two. Then three. Until suddenly four donuts were missing from the box.

She lost control, again.