Invisible String

Chapter 5

As we pulled into the apartment of his house, I hopped off the bike and walked him to his door. His eyes were shifty, and his brows knitted together. He took my hands in mine, and we laced our fingers, both hands, and he kind of moved his hands up, moving mine too, holding them in the air between us. "This was fun. I got a lot more than I bargained for." How cliche. but endearing, too. I rolled my eyes at this lame statement, and he scrutinized it before picking up on my own thoughts. "I did," he said, eyes wide, with a big smile on his face, as I began to laugh nervously. "really? You didn't expect to meet some Romanian girl who happens to be from the states that you could lure in, and kiss in a creek?" I asked, faking earnestly. He laughed, and ruffled my hair, then moved his hand down to cup my face. He kissed me lightly, and I smiled against his lips. He smiled too. "what?" He asked, still not moving his lips from mine. I laughed. "this is nice." He laughed too, and as if to say, it is nice, he kissed me again, and we stood there for quite some time, before it escalated, as he began to move his hands a bit. I pursed my lips and looked at him with big eyes. "We shouldn't." he looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, i didn't realise-" I shook my head. "it's not you or anything, we just don't want to make anything complicated. You're leaving." I kissed him once. "tomorrow." He looked crestfallen but put his hands in his pockets. "Okay." as I turned to leave, he said, "but, does it have to be?" I turned. "how do you mean?" he shrugged, and looked away. "I just mean, just because I'm leaving doesn't mean anything." I sighed. "Look, I don't want to be just another girl you get after a day of knowing you, to sleep with. I'm sorry. I have to protect myself because I don't know if you've seen you, but it's hard not to want more with you." He looked at me. "Is that what you think of me, really?"  He didn't sound hurt, just sceptical. He was keeping a very straight face, still staying very upbeat. I shook my head, walking closer to him. "No," I said uncertainly. He took my hands again, and said, "I'm not trying to convince you of anything, but I feel, just so I can defend myself, I didn't come to Romania to meet someone. And I didn't expect to meet you." for some reason that struck me as hurtful, and he noticed. "I mean, I wasn't expecting to meet a girl like you, you're very mysterious. and cool," He laughed. "and I think I might  already be falling for you."  For the first time, he sounded serious, very serious indeed. This couldn't be real. Was he, truly, finding me attractive. He wanted me. So it seemed. "Maybe I'm talking out of turn. If you don't feel that way, please stop me so I don't sound like an idiot," and he bit his lip as he met my eyes, those eyes with a smile twinkling.  I smiled. "really?" it was as though he could read my mind. he knew the right words, he knew how to console my fears and doubts. "yeah, look, I didn't want to say anything, and there's no point in it now. But I'm not that guy. I'm sure you've heard that a lot, though. I just think we should hang out, I want to talk to you." I smiled, and swatted at him playfully. "Okay. I'm sorry I've been reclusive." He shook his head. "It's okay. I can understand. I mean, I am pretty charming." He smiled. "Oho, now whos getting cocky." I said. "Is that really all it is? I was afraid you just didn't really feel the same way towards me," he said. I sighed in amazement, for how blind we are to love when its right in front of us. I put my arms around him and hugged him. "Oh." I didn't say a thing more, but let go, and let go of his hands. "Do you want to come inside?" He asked. "I swear, just to talk if you only want that." I looked back at the road and then shook my head. "Okay." and he didn't push, nor protest, and he was clearly trying not to look hurt, and I appreciated that. I hated when people would show their sadness to make you feel guilty, it was quite unattractive. He wasn't angry either, he just looked like he understood.  He pursed his lips and looked down. "Well, maybe for a little bit." His reaction was all that I needed. His being okay with me going felt more sincere than all other words. He cared about my feelings and that was enough. He grinned. "what made you change your mind?" I sighed. "I don't know." He put his arm around me, and we walked upstairs. It was a few flights of stairs, brick floors that matched the corridor walls, and he put his bike in the hall outside of his door. His apartment was clean and small, with all-white walls, a bed in the corner, just a full bed with plain white sheets that were made. I liked that he made his bed. a giant balcony in the centre of the back wall,  a kitchenette on the other side, a little door leading to the bathroom. "This is a nice place," I commented, all of a sudden feeling a little nervous. "Mhm." He said, nodding. We walked onto his balcony, and he lit a cigarette. He handed me it, and I took it, looking out at the night sky, the main square our view. "I like you in my shirt." He commented, and I remembered I was still in his shirt, just a shirt, and nothing more. "I like it too." I had gotten so used to him being without a shirt that I forgot he wasn't wearing one and found it quite funny. With the cigarette between my fingers, I put a hand to my forehead, and laughed, hard. He did the same. "What is so funny?" He looked sincerely bewildered. I just can't even imagine how odd we look to other people who might have passed by your building when we were in front. You, in a pair of wet shorts, with no shirt, and me in a white tee shirt and no pants. he laughed with me, and I handed him back the cigarette. He still was smiling as he put it in his mouth, chuckling. I looked at him for a moment. he wasn't ripped or anything, he had hardly any muscle at all, and was very thin and scrawny. I loved it. He couldn't have weighed too much more than me, except for his height factoring in. even that, he was probably 5'10, maybe in an inch more. His hair was tangly and all over the place, and I could bet he never even shaved because he had no stubble, and had not a hair on his face or chest. He wasn't exactly this hot, athletic manly guy, but I loved it all. I'm sure he caught me looking at him, but he didn't say anything. "What are you thinking?" I asked him. "I'm thinking that I'm really happy right now," and I should have expected that answer. "You're teasing me, I said, and he lightly tapped his leg against mine, our knees hitting. "maybe a little." and I laughed at this. He was so honest. I loved it. I hope you know that I loved how you tapped your leg against mine. do it again. I love how you tell me what's on your mind but then are also so mysterious, too. I long to know you, every inch of your body and your soul. His energy was feeding my heart like rain pouring down after a drought. I want you to know me, and to get me. To understand me like no other. I want you to love me as I love you. Do you? 

We sat there on the balcony, him smoking a cigarette, the two of us talking about the stars in the sky and anything we pleased. We talked about life and he made me laugh. I couldn't help but laugh heartily, he had such charisma about him, and I imagined he could have everyone fall in love with him in an instant. he was just so likeable. With his beauty and good nature, it was a wonder he didn't have girls lining up for him. he could have any pick he liked. Yet here he was, talking to me. Spending his Thursday night with me. And he managed, with his talent, to stay so humble, so down to earth. He not only had me under his charm, but I was envious of him, a little. He was too perfect, to be human. I guess we were similar in that way. I was this person who always felt out of place, could hear and see things about the world that others couldn't. I thought more than it seemed most people did. I  was a girl who never wanted to be held down, controlled by her emotions and heart, with fear being the only thing holding her back from her dreams. Her thousands of hopes and dreams. And he, well he felt like an angel. Pure, blissful, and totally this divine being who was so full of everything a person wished to be, and be with. He was like a messenger from another world, bringing me, and others, hope and happiness, peace of mind and heart. I imagined other girls had felt this way. I wondered how many girls had fallen in love with him, then had their heart shattered like the fragile glass of the vase full of roses on the table on his balcony. If ever was there a delicate, breakable person, who seemed quite strong on the outside, like this vase, she would be me. I felt my heart melting like Ice over a frozen lake when the sun comes out, to the point where it would break soon enough.i was becoming more breakable with every laugh he brought me, every word that warmed my soul. 

I loved how he never complimented me too directly. I liked how he kept me questioning. I liked the unspoken words as much as I loved the words said. 

I had to ask the question that was on my mind and had to break this silent void between us, the only thing that had been left unspoken, it seemed. "So, are you seeing anyone?" I asked abruptly. He looked taken aback but recovered quickly. "Uh, no. I'm not. I wouldn't have kissed you, had I been seeing someone." I nodded. "You?" I shook my head.  "I was, though." He sighed, and I'd expected this to come. I could tell he'd recently gotten out of a relationship, no doubt a serious one from the way he acted. Of course, I had also read the articles about him and rose's tragic split up in the news. "I know." He looked at me. "ah, so you've read the headlines of every celebrity magazine." I thought that was a bit much. "Well not every magazine, you aren't the centre of the world, you know." He looked stricken, but my smile reminded him that I was teasing. Well, partially teasing. "You're right, I guess it just feels that way." "hey, I'm sorry, that was harsh. I meant it in a good way. It's not likely everyone heard about it." "Thanks." He took another hit of his cigarette, and exhaling a cloud of grey smoke that shone against the dark sky, said "Well, what I mean about me not being the type to move around a lot. She was my first serious girlfriend, you know, for over a year of dating, I mean." I nodded. "That's a long time. I've never had that." He looked at me for a minute. "why not?" I shrugged. "I'm independent. I don't want to be tied down." "Ah." He said serenely. "well, if its any consolation, it never felt like being held down, with her." I nodded. "Okay." This wasn't making me feel all that better. "So, was it unanimous?" I asked. He nodded, frowning slightly. " I guess. She was ready long before I was, but it became so distant, between us. Time does that, you know." I nodded. "So does distance." I noticed his knee was shaking up and down, something I did when I was nervous. "Hey, you don't have to tell me anything, you know. " He smiled weakly. "I know." He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. Then he went back to looking outwards, smoking his cigarette calmly. He had a troubled look in his eyes, and I wish I knew how to heal it. I reached out, put my hand on his, and squeezed it. "I have to say, I do like you," I said, lamely. He didn't seem to think it was all that lame, though, and said, "I like you too. more than I should say." Say. My heart fluttered at this statement, and he reached for me and brought me onto his lap, where I curled up there, in his oversized teeshirt, and I put my head on his chest. We sat in silence for a minute, and then he kissed me, slow and sweet, and it went on a while, just us, beneath the stars, our thoughts put away, for that moment, just the warmth between us, the smell of cigarettes and excitement, the feeling of the two of us falling rapidly into the moon spell of summer.