Well after bebe was born I fell in love with him when I went to my grandma's to visit and I met him for the first time though he scratched my face I still loved him so much and went to my grandma's house every day I could to see and take care of him. he was my safe place and I was his he got get attached to me and when he would cry he would run to me and I'd be the one to calm him down. he would fall asleep with me and he'd only let me feed and bathe him which was super cute in my eyes anyway. But after a while my mum made it so I couldn't see my grandma's for months at a time as I had missed bebe's first birthday and second and third and his fourth is coming up and I'm going to miss that one too and I feel so damn horrible about it but I can't do anything about it because my mother will be there and if she is there then there is a chance she will try and hurt me or take me away to her house were very bad people live and I will get even more hurt and abused there then in the past. Though I've been through so much i try to put it behind me and forget about it but its hard when you're mother is trying to get you back and you have nightmares about it all the time I was told to pray on it but I don't know if it works or if it's what I believe in yet I'm still trying to figure myself out so it may take a while but I do hope my mother the best with her 6th child and I hope she does better with this one then she did with her other 5 (including me ofc)
