Hey! I'm Lilas you probably don't know me but if you do, congrats! You find me. So I don't really like this part of introducing myself and all that stuff but imma do it anyway. Hi I'm Lilas I'm fourteen years old and I live in a very very small town(road(:) I've got one older brother and his name's Thierry. I've got parents who I'm not gonna say their names. Because I don't know, it's kinda private. And there is a lot of strange people on the internet( well in all around the world)
So where were we? I've got 4 well 5 rabbits but the last one we didn't expect it so yeah...I used to have a dog but she died a couple of years ago. She was so nice but she was jealous of me, that was kinda weird though. Also, another strange part is that I didn't even cry when she died, that's odd for me because I'm a very sensitive person especially to animals.
So when I was younger I had an incredible childhood and I'm thanking my parents even though I know they won't read it. I'm so grateful to them. If I struggle in my future life I'll not moan at all because I will remember my best souvenirs with them all I want to say is thank you for giving the big great world to me and imma say it never enough. THANK YOU! While writing this I'm feeling a sensation I can't quite explain and will always love you, to give me memories of smelling and feeling the delicate sunscreen on my skin, in the summer, laughing our heads off while biking throughout the fields, waking me up on the first day of school, even in the darkness time you were here you helped me, to be confident, to build myself, to never give up, to raise me until I can fly all by myself above the fluffy white clouds, above my sadness and the most importantly above my regrets. You'll always be there for me. Mom, dad I know you always said that you are proud of me, but the thing is that you're my parents and that's the greatest gift in the whole wide world. If you're a parent please continue what are you doing right and always do the next right thing. We, the children, never really say thank you, because we think that's "logical" to give us the world. We are not blind at all, we know that you do all the best, the right thing for us, we see that. In life, we see from our perspective things that happens.No one really knows what we thinking and I'm sure that is one of the mysteries of life.No one has the same way of thinking, the same of remembering, the same way of talking. Even if you try to act the same way as a person, you'll only see them the way you see them, from your own perspective. I was explaining to my friend once, we can approximately not be but look like our idols because we are all made of the same energy, all around me and you, objects are made of energy. There arent one human who does not consist of energy. You probably wondering "what the heck is she talking about"but the only way you can "look like" your favourite idols, is you have to believe in future how you see yourself. You'll make it, it's just a question of believing. But you can approximately look like them. I mean not like a clone or a copy.(btw that's creepy if you do)
Some moments of my past which I regret continue to haunt me, but I really try to forget because when we keep looking at our past, our future will become somehow the same way the past happened. I really rely on this sentence from a musical Hamilton which is on Disney +( by the way I'm not sponsored ). It says " There are moments that the words don't reach, there are suffering too terrible to name, we push away what we can never understand".I feel like sometimes the situation is so awful that we can't describe it. I mean with words. Then the next line says" it's easier to just swim down". In my point of view, it means to me that we don't have to remember in a certain way, a negative way. You must remember it like lessons, some useful lessons of life.
Let's talk about my passions. Where can I start? I have so many of them. I like to practice the piano on my own, without a teacher ( I have one anyway). My mom said that I need one but you know I can work on my own, yes, it's called autonomy sweetheart. As I am a very serious student ( sometimes). I have good grades, not extraordinary but okay. But somehow learning isn't my passion. When I was a child, I loved drawing, I was living for it. Within my growth, I was less intrigued by that.
Quick brackets, during writing this I'm in my garden, on my bench, hearing the gently singing birds above my head. Smelling the fresh-cut lawn. The sun kissing my skin. I love spring by the way. It's like I'm in a fairy tale because when I look up, in the centre of the garden, next to beautiful flowers semi-thriving, I see a statue of a fairy sipping a sort of seashell or flower, I guess. I contemplate the blue sky matching my blue eyes. I know I often say that I want to live in an industrial city but sometimes I want to make these moments like this one never last, you know what I mean.
Okay, I freaking did it guys I told my deepest darkest secret to my friends !!!!OMG! I just can't believe that I did it. I wanted to tell them for 3 months, I guess. Finally, I did, I released my anxiety, my stress. They were so fucking surprised. If you read this, and you don't have a clue what am I talking about, well I'm sorry for you, I can't really say it on this type of site (you know I have my own boundaries) because I don't know who will read it.
Hey, it's me again I think I'll make another sort of category in which I'll rate movies I've seen. So I didn't write for the past 2 weeks because I got my results and I didn't felt like writing, not depress things or whatever, no, not that. I just felt miserable in English, I even consider quitting learning English. I didn't get in as you can see. You probably thinking" oh damn, I feel bad for her" or" Yes she didn't get in". Whatever you say please don't feel bad for me. (Or if you don't feel bad for me, I just have to say fuck you)I told my parents one week after I knew I couldn't really talk to them without starting crying. My supportive mom said to me "everything happens for a reason" and she told me her story that she can relate to. She said, "when I was in my 30's I applied for a job in Australia as a nanny, they didn't call me back, so I found one in France, and so I met your father there." When I heard her story I was like if she got the job in Australia, she would not have given birth to me, and I would not be here. After all, life is crazy when we think about it. I keep asking myself if I didn't get in, it's for a reason besides I have to meet my true love (joking lmao)
So yeah it's been a long time. Maybe 3 months (well, it feels like 3 months) but maybe less. I think I'm going to end it and start a new chapter(of my life). Just to recap all the things I've done since I didn't write on here. I took my exams and I think I've done pretty well except for the french one but that's okay. (I wanted to let you know that I'm grateful that you could make it so far).
This is the end. The end of my middle school.The end of my feelings towards my beloved crushes. I will never see them again. This is the end. Thank you for your attention.Thank you for reading this. Maybe you were just bored and came to this. Or maybe you wanted to hear the "incredible" story of my life.
