The Gap Between Us

Chapter 2

Warning:
Might trigger depression and anxiety

Warmth

"Can I be your... friend?"

I was caught off guard. I didn't even know what to say. My forehead creased while I continued to stare at him. I saw how his adam's apple moved as his eyes were looking elsewhere but me. Ibinababa niya na rin ang kamay nang matunugang hindi ko naman tatanggapin 'yon.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano kasinsero ang kaniyang sinabi dahil sa sobrang hina ng huling salita. Tila hindi pa sigurado sa binitawang kataga.

Before I could even form words in my mouth, he suddenly straightened his back, "S-sorry.. I-I heard about you from Tita Leya and-"

Natigilan siya. Hindi alam kung tama ba ang sinasabi at itutuloy na salita. Still he tried his best and continued,

"May maliit na concert sa Neon bukas. G-gusto sana kitang i-imbitahin," He handed me a small paper which I assumed as a ticket. His other hand reached the back of his nape while his ears turned red.

I don't remember the slightest interaction I had with this guy. I don't even know him and his inviting me for a concert? Mas nagsalubong lamang ang kilay ko habang mas umuugong ang pagkalito sa kalooban ko.

"Pasensya na... pero hindi naman tayo magkakilala at.. wala akong panahon sa ganyan," I was about to close the door when his arm holding the ticket made its way to stop me.

He gave me a faint smile, "If you're worried, I have no bad intentions... I just sincerely want to invite you. Here, I'll leave this in hopes that you'll perhaps change.. your mind." Mabilis niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko at nilagay ang papel. Napapikit pa'ko sa init na dala ng kamay niya. Mabilis siyang tumalikod at tumakbo dala pa rin ang pamumula ng leeg at tenga niya.

Natulala na lamang ako sa bakanteng daan na tinahak niya. Wala man lang nailabas na pagtutol ang bibig sa harap niya.

Natauhan na ako nang maramdaman ang silaw na hatid ng sinag ng araw. The warmth of the sun always help in keeping me sane. Telling me that it will always be willing to embrace its radiance on my ice cold heart.

I already forgot how long has it been since I opened and went out of this door that the whole place seems foreign to me. Nanibago pa'ko sa lamig na dala ng sariwang hangin. Siguro nga ay napakatagal ko nang nagmumukmok sa loob ng silid na nakalimutan ko na ang buhay sa labas ng pintong hawak ko.

Sa paglubog ng araw ay ang simula nanaman ng paghihirap ko. Wala na ang init na dala ng araw upang kalmahin ako.

Mag-isa nanaman ako. This is the challenge I have to bear everyday. May mga maaari mang bumisita sa'kin sa umaga ngunit pagsapit ng gabi, mas pinapaalala lang nito ang oras kung kailan walang init na yayakap sa'kin.

Mabilis ang pagtaas baba ng dibdib ko kasabay ng malakas na tambol sa loob nito. Nag-uunahan rin sa pagtulo ang pawis sa'king noo kasabay ng mga luhang hindi na yata nauubos.

The sharp edge of the blade was making its way onto my cuts again. Blood was oozing, fascinating me with its color and texture. Mas kumabog ang aking dibdib nang mamataan ang ugat sa itaas na bahagi ng palapulsuhan. It was pulsating as if inviting me to brush the sharp tips of the blade I'm holding,

I bit my lips as excitement and thrill crawl unto my nerves. This is it. The end of my pathetic misery and pain.

Nabitawan ko ang hawak nang may malakas na tunog ang nanggaling sa mesa sa dulong bahagi ng silid kung nasaan ako,

It was Tatay's phone.

Muling tumulo ang aking luha. Hindi 'ko nanaman naituloy ang binabalak ko. Palagi talagang may pumipigil sa'kin. Napaupo na ako sa sahig nang hindi tumigil ang mistulang ringtone na nagbibigay liwanag sa silid.

It was dark and only the presence of the moon illuminated my sight. Matagal na'kong walang kuryente dahil hindi naman na'ko nakapagbayad ilang buwan na.

Nalaglag na ang telepono dahil sa pagvibrate nito sa mesa ngunit hindi parin tumigil ang tunog na nililikha nito.

I released a heavy sigh and crawled myself near it. Mas lumakas lamang ang mga takas na hikbi nang makita ang dahilan ng pag-iingay ng hawak na telepono.

Alarm
March 7 Friday
12:05am
Birthday ng anak kong si Everleigh

Hindi ko alam kung gaano ako katagal na umiyak dahil pag-angat ng paningin ko ay wala nang tunog at ilaw na nanggagaling sa telepono. Ubos na ang baterya nito ngunit hindi ko magawang bitawan.

I was about to lay myself down on the cold dirty floor of my room when a warm breeze contradicting the supposed coldness of the night enveloped me. It felt surreal as if two arms were embracing and consoling me. Whispering that I've already had enough and I should stop punishing myself for whatever lost my life had.

Realizations and series of images flooded my mind.

Nanay. Tatay. Tita Leya. The kids I teach. Their warm smiles and laughter.

Hindi na'ko makahinga sa labis na pag-iyak nang dumapo ang aking paningin sa isang maliit na papel,

Charity Concert
@NeonBar
March 7 at 4 o'clock in the afternoon

❤️