Lectured!

My Before

I have always had "anger issues". When I was in first grade I had to start taking classes about how to take control of your anger. In 4th grade I stopped taking these classes. At the time they seemed fun, but later I learned that it was because we were different. We had more steel, we were mentally strong. The teachers didn't like it that we thought about something we were told to do and decided for ourselves if it was worth doing. Since, I have found that out I have little trust in adults. They cast us away and don't listen to us, as if just because we are younger our opinions aren't as valuable. 

I didn't always think this way. The classes were meant to break us. The same way you break a horse. I've always thought that training a horse shouldn't be called breaking it. That phrase sounds mean and cruel, not that that has stopped people from doing things but it would be nice if people tried. For a while it worked, I fell into line and didn't protest. Until 5th grade when my eyes were opened. My fifth grade teacher was named Mrs. O'Toole and she was ok. Sometimes. But them she would have moments where I would wonder why she was a teacher. 

In the middle of the class in front of everyone I made a comment that didn't require a response (except for maybe telling me not to talk in class) but she responded with fire that I was different and had bad opinions (something like that, it's been a while). She did this right in front of 19 other kids. Kids who were just entering the state of drama and whispering. I never forgave her for that. But now I am glad she said it because if she didn't I would have walked through life brainwashed, away from the reality. 

Everything went without a hitch (well as smoothly as 5th grade can go) until March when COVID-19 struck. We were quarantined for months on end without any finish in sight. Mrs. O'Toole was horrible at remote learning. She didn't know how to use the technology and had no interest in learning how. Finally sixth grade came...