𝕊𝕥𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕞𝕖 𝕌𝕡 (Atsushi x M!Reader)

Chapter #6

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Painful.

Staring out the window at the afternoon rays, clouds brazing past the sky, sun perched high and bright. The heat of light spread past the glass, warming up my cold palms and frigid cheeks. Normal, my face appeared flushed and tinted opposed to its pale state. It didn't suit my empty bottomless eyes, staring past the the window pane, the buildings that stood firm, the mountains and hills that peaked over the horizon.

I only listened.

The lunch bell had rung, students clammering to grab their materials and leave. Some stayed to wallow in the afternoon sun, others escaped from the confines of the pale yellow walls. Soft chatter and quiet giggles, the warmth spread up my neck.

I couldn't hear the chattering.

The room seemed deadly quiet without it, a new uncertainty painting every movement with a new sense of foreboding. I needed it, to know where I was, to feel it with me. I had grown accustomed to its presence, I had become accustomed to its existence by my side.

I was not accustomed to this.

Everything now seemed unpredictable, I could no longer function the same without the chattering. Without its familiarity it felt like a bitter cold mocking, I never asked for this silence.

It had been incomprehensible at the start, dragging my feet back home with a tired sigh. I sang a little tune to keep the silence away, to pretend idly that the chattering was no longer there, teeth grinding against teeth. Peckish persistence, adrenaline like thrall, I was convinced it was all there. Hiding behind the alleyway, breathing ragged, mouth and eyes sewn shut.

I want it to come back.

This doesn't come with a startling realization. I know I need it, I know I thrive with its threat and danger. It quelches my worries and tears them to pieces, soothes my anxiety and guides me. After all, I don't need to worry about my problems with its presence, it was my problem, it was what needed attention. I could no longer concern myself over people, no longer fidget and feel my heart thumping against my chest when it came to being social.

I was suffering enough.

They didn't understand, classmates bustling across the room. Guiding themselves past the empty desks, shoes clacking against marble floors. Youth in their eyes, innocence radiating off of their being. Soft little fragile things, hidden away from a world of terrors, hidden away from a world of anguish and pain.

But it's okay.

Staring past the horizon, I let the coaxing hum that broke past my lips soothe my aching heart. This pain suited me, the monster that trailed behind me suited me, stitched eyes, stitched lips. It was in pain, it was in so much pain.

Just like me.

"Atsushi."

The white haired boy turned almost immediately, eyes narrowing on the slim tall figure beside him. The brunette stood firm, fingers curled around the desk in a tense manner. The look on the boy's face didn't suit him, eyebrows furrowed as he centred for once on one thing, and one thing only.

"No honorifics today Dazai-san?" The light haired boy asked with a playful smile. He was clearly in a good mood, bouncing up from his seat to grab the bag on his desk. Hands curled around the base of it, he snook one last look to the figure sitting beside the windowsill. Lost and forlorn, sun shining against their face, eyes gazing deep into the landscape before them.

"He's only going to hurt you."

This was enough to bring Atsushi's attention back to the brunette, and raising an eyebrow, he almost looked insulted. "Hurt me?" He shook his head in defiance, lips pursued into a tense line. "He's in pain, whatever is causing him this pain needs to be stopped." He looked eager, resilient in his statement as if it was now his newfound goal.

Dazai looked bothered, words threatening to spill out of his mouth. With one deep breath in, he rubbed his forehead with a grimace, peering at Atsushi yet again. Dignified, he stared back with a teasing light, back to normal. "Alright Atsushi-kun~ Whatever you say."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·