For Love and maybe Blood

~ > 7< ~

~Forever together~

A/N: Oh, look who hasn't published a chapter for a month😅😅
Sorry friends, I had holidays last week and my best friend was Netflix. I hope you can forgive me that Outlander made me sit the whole day in front of my laptop 😂😂. 
Aye, it's the race after Imola and I need a good mood again, let's write a bit :))

"Lilibeth," George said after a while after I had calmed down a bit.
"Yes?" I asked, still with a trembling voice, and looked up at him so that he could see he had my attention. He gently brushed my hair out of my face and I could tell from his expression that he wanted to say something he didn't like.
"I love you, ok? No matter what happens or what you've ever kept from me, I don't care because I love you."
And there it is again. I had probably gotten the sweetest boyfriend ever and he cared for me like I was his everything, even though I didn't even deserve it. I've been lying to him for so long now and he still wasn't mad at me and he had every right to be mad at me.
"I know," I just said sadly of myself and looked down at the floor.
"Hey," he said, putting his hand under my chin and making me face him again.
"I'll always be here for you, no matter what."
His gaze went for a second to where my sleeve was by now soaked with blood and I closed my eyes briefly in response. Now I had to explain it to him.
"Listen-"
"What happened?", George asked worriedly and pointed on the red spot on my blouse. I swallowed hard and bit my lips before I dared to look at him again.
"I'll tell you and I promise to tell you everything. You just have to promise me not to get mad."
He tilted his head in confusion and raised his eyebrows. "Yeah... As long as I don't have to worry."
I took a deep breath before rolling up my sleeve again and giving George to my arm free.
With trembling hands, I clutched the fabric of my blouse, not even daring to look at George, but I knew what his reaction was without even looking at him.
"Oh my God, what happened?" he asked worriedly and I finally dared to look at him.
His eyes widened and looked back and forth between my wound and my face.
"Well...I..."I didn't know how to explain it to him and searched for the right words, but found none. "Come here, I want you to wash the wound before it gets infected," he said, putting his hand behind my back and pushing me towards the sink.
"George wai-"
He stopped, startled, as he looked into the sink and took a step back. I stood at an angle beside him, biting my lips as his gaze then slowly slid to me. His eyebrows rose and he exhaled deeply before pointing to the scissors still in the sink with my blood on them.
"You didn't-"
"George I-"
"Please tell me this was an accident," he said, looking at me expectantly. I closed my eyes for a moment and felt my heart begin to beat faster.
Now I could not and must not lie. He also saw the answer, actually, I didn't have to answer.
"If I answered yes, it would be a lie," I replied in a trembling voice as I opened my eyes again and felt the tears coming back. George looked away from me and I thought for a second that he was going to run out of the bathroom and leave me completely alone.
"Why?" he asked instead in a broken voice, staring at me with shining eyes. They didn't sparkle, as they always did when he was smiling and happy. I wanted to answer and say that I was stupid and didn't know, but no sound came out of my mouth.
"What's going on in your head?" George continued, his voice sounding even more broken this time. At that moment I didn't want to imagine what was going on in his head, but actually, I was aware of what he was thinking about...
"It's not what you're thinking," I finally said and felt tears running down my cheek. I didn't want to kill myself, I just wanted to know if I was really still in reality.
"Ah really?" George asked, sounding angry this time. "The wound on your arm and the blood on the scissors say otherwise".
"George," I whimpered and started crying again. He said something again, but this time I couldn't hear because I started crying loudly and buried my face in my hand. He thinks I'm a mentally ill person for sure and he can't look at me like before after that action. I felt two arms wrap around me and hold me close. Automatically I pressed myself against him, ignoring the fact that he probably hated me for it now.
"I'm sorry," I sobbed into his chest. "I'm sorry"
He didn't say, just stroked my hair and pressed a kiss to it.
He held me like that for a while, saying nothing and just stroking my hair. We didn't get much further from before, but I know he's probably pissed or disappointed in me.
"Have you done this before?", George asked cautiously, still holding me.
"You mean... Yeah, well no... Yes, actually, I have," I confessed shakily, letting go of him for a moment to look at him. I already knew what he would say and what he thought of me.
"I'm not mentally ill or anything," I added quickly.
"Lilibeth-"
"The last time was when I was eighteen and this was for a different reason. And now... I... I thought that I... that I was dreaming or perceiving something wrong and-"
"And you never did it again otherwise?" inquired George slowly.
I nodded. And this was the truth. It was a stupid act on my part, I knew that myself now.
"I swear"
"Come on, I'll help you with the wound," George said without elaborating and went to the cupboard to get the first aid kit and another flannel, which he put under the tap and wet. Without saying anything or contradicting him, I sat down on the edge of the bathtub and George did the same.
Gently, he took my injured arm in his hand and went over the wound with the wet flannel, causing me to contort my face as it burned badly.
"I'm sorry, but the wound should be cleaned first," George then said and continued, but more gently this time. I looked up at him and watched his face as he concentrated on the wound. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked stern and controlled, which he always did when he was concentrating, but this time I wasn't sure if my behaviour had any influence on it.
"Do you want to talk about this with your uncle?" George asked as he reached for the first aid kit. "I don't know," I answered uncertainly and looked away from him.
 "You know talking always helps, you always say that," he said.
"Do you want to hear anything more from me?"
"Don't be so stubborn, Lilibeth," George interjected, realising again how he was becoming a mixture of disappointed and pissed off.
"I'm not-"
"Yes you are," he interrupted louder this time, holding my arm tighter. He took the bandage in his hand after sticking a plaster over the wound and wrapped it far too tightly around my arm, making me contort my face. Now I realised that he was clearly angry with me.
"George, the bandage-"
"I can't lose you, OK?" he said suddenly out of nowhere and let go of my arm. "I want you and I can't lose you. It almost happened once before and I don't want it to happen again just because of you... I just don't want to lose you because I love you. I love you and I don't want to sit in front of a hospital bed next to you again and hold your hand because something happened to you."
I looked at his face the whole time and saw how red he was getting because he was angry but worried at the same time. And it was all my fault.
"I don't deserve you," I said quietly as I looked away from him and noticed how he continued to doctor my arm.
"Lilibeth, stop, please," George begged in a normal tone again this time.
"It's the truth," I said as I looked back at him. He just looked at me for a moment and turned his attention to my arm.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overreact," he apologised.
"It's okay I did-"
"Can you please stop blaming yourself for everything for once?" George asked, interrupting his work again.
This time I didn't answer and let George continue to doctor my arm. But he expected an answer or explanation from me and I owed him that, especially about my uncle. At least I could trust George, but I was still afraid that he would think I was crazy...
George packed up the medicine box again after he had finished and I took a deep breath so that I could start talking again.
"I think I should explain to you about my uncle," I started.
George nodded in reply. "We'd better go into the living room."
After we sat down on the couch, George looked at me expectantly and I could see his anger too.
"Why did he die?" George asked.
"Well... My mother says he drank too much", I answered.
"But you don't believe her," he stated. "Do you think she's lying?"
I shook my head and dared to look at him for a second. "I don't know," I replied.
"George, you won't lose me," I said to his statement earlier when neither of us dared say anything. His gaze slid to me, but only for a second.
"It was enough for me that you fell off the horse".
"And you get into a fast car every time and race against 19 other racers where you could crash and die any second. It wouldn't be the first time something like that happened in Formula 1," I said angrily.
"Oh yeah?" he asked, standing up from the couch and facing me. "That's something else. And besides, you also work for Formula 1, so I don't understand your problem. Besides, you can't compare the two things with that."
He was absolutely right, you couldn't compare the things. After all, he was prepared for it every time before he got into a car and I was on the horse and wasn't really prepared for it.
"I just don't want anything to happen to you again. And I don't mean the one in Bristol but the one earlier," he said and sat back down on the couch while looking me in the eye without letting go of me.
"If something is wrong, talk to me. You can trust me with anything and you know I'll always listen to you."
Carefully, he reached for my hand and clasped it around my cold palms. "Tell me about your uncle," he urged. I straightened up on the couch so that I could look at him without letting go of his hand. The thing I did was not meant to be a topic of conversation, but I knew it would come again, just not now. I honestly don't want to distract George until tomorrow.
 "You know he was like a father to me. And... I told you that I went to Las Vegas with him once to spend a few days in the casino. Las Vegas has been a cursed place for the family ever since we came back because everyone said he changed there," I started.
"So that's why your parents...pushed you away?" he asked cautiously.
I nodded. "Something like that, yes"
"And what exactly happened with your uncles? Was there any particular reason why he..."
"He wasn't sick or anything," I interjected immediately and raised my eyebrows. "He seemed to be acting strangely," I explained.
George seemed to be thinking and looked at me with raised eyebrows, but didn't contradict me.
"Weird in the art....?"
"He was suddenly unreachable for days and ... then he was sometimes not at home or not even at work. Everyone thought he went to poker all the time," I replied.
"But he wasn't?" he asked slowly.
I shook my head, but I didn't even know if it was true or not. "I don't know, nobody knows. My family then declared him crazy and that was it. Las Vegas was to blame"
"But why Vegas? Did something happen there?" he asked. "Maybe it really has something to do with it."
I pondered. I was aware that Las Vegas played a role in this story, but I didn't know what role it was. But when I remembered that one night...
"Yes, something happened," George stated after I pulled a thoughtful face and leaned back on the couch. "I know that face," he added. "Tell me."
"So... There was this one night," I started, trying to remember that night very clearly. "It was our last day in Las Vegas and we lost some money. Uncle Adam and I took it easy and had a little drink at the bar and we were going to have a cosy last night. I remember very clearly, there were two men there that day who looked funny. Well, funny in the sense that they weren't dressed to the nines for Las Vegas but walked in like, well, normal people," I continued and I could see that night right in front of my eyes.
"And then they were staring strangely and I knew exactly that it was not a coincidence. Don't ask me why, but I knew," I said, turning my gaze back to George who was looking at me intently. "But I didn't think about it any further and we went to play. After a few rounds, I realised I wasn't feeling so well and I went up to the room. Uncle Adam said he wanted to play some more and I didn't say anything, I didn't want to interrupt his last evening. Las Vegas had been his dream for years.
Anyway, he came back very late. Much too late. He said he'd be back by two o'clock at the latest, but it was around half past four when he got back. And... I don't know, he was so weird. He stormed into the room and I woke up. He was acting weird and he looked kind of nervous, I don't know why. But I was way too tired to take in that much and I really wasn't feeling well. At some point, I fell asleep again. And the next morning, when we flew again, Uncle Adam hardly spoke a word to me."
After I finished my story, George looked at me but remained silent to process it. Then he nodded.
"So you think something happened that night?" he asked.
"It's possible, but it could have been anything," I replied.
Silence fell again. I didn't know what to say anymore, after all, this story was a bit of a challenge for me since I hadn't told anyone before.
"Can you promise me one thing?" he asked and we both looked at each other.
I nodded in response.
"No more lies and secrets"
He didn't have any from me and I shouldn't have any from him either, he was entitled to them. After all, he forgives me after all this... Lies and secrets.
"Agreed," I agreed and slowly reached my hand out to his and intertwined our fingers together.
"And no more of that," he added, pointing to the injured spot on my arm.
"I promise," I said hesitantly.
Now I had to stick to it. I don't break promises, especially not to George.
"I remember back then, it was at the airport in Las Vegas," I recalled, automatically smiling as I thought about it. "Uncle Adam said out of the blue that if I marry the love of my life one day, he will be the one to walk me down the aisle."
My smile disappeared again and turned into a sad face. "Well, that won't be the case anymore."
I felt the tears coming up again, but I suppressed them this time.
"Come here, darling," George said gently and pulled me to him. I hugged him to me and rested my head on his shoulder. It just felt good to be in his arms, I felt safe and secure as always, as if my worries had completely disappeared for a second, but they had not.
George made me lift my head from his shoulder again and took my face in his hands.
"Even though he won't do it anymore, or even though he won't be here anymore, he will always be a part of you. And remember, no one can take away the memories you made together."
He was absolutely right and I nodded to him. "Yes, and the altar is just a small thing," I said.
George brushed my hair out of my face and smiled. I knew immediately what he was thinking about and I couldn't help but smile too.
"I know what you're thinking about," I said, and his smile widened.
Would I marry George one day? I never thought about that because after half a year of relationship it was too early for me. But when I imagine it... Yes, they were definitely nice thoughts.
"Gotcha," he confessed and kissed me on the forehead. "But we'll talk about that another time."
And silence again as our fingers intertwined again and his warm hands closed around mine. He looked at me the whole time while I just looked at our hands.
"There's something else though, isn't there?"
I nodded. "No secrets, I promised," I reminded myself aloud.
"He told you he was here in Hungary, didn't he?" I asked after a short pause.
"Yes," he replied, confused.
"He wasn't," I agreed. "He... He was in Las Vegas," I stammered.
George looked at me questioningly in response. "Since when?"
"He left after he came to see me in Bristol," I replied.
"And the police have found his... The body here?"
I shook my head. "That's the thing," I said, feeling myself start to shake. "Although he was in Las Vegas - and I know this because I spoke to him on the phone just a few days ago - his body wasn't found there. It was found in his house here in Hungary."

A/N: Tbh, I do not like this chapter, but I have not written for a month now and I got a bit lost :/ 
I feel so sorry for that but I really try to write more now:) 

Sending Love

Mac x