I'm Not Okay

Chapter Three: French Class

"Alright, that was the bell. Don't forget about your project due next Wednesday! Presentations start next Thursdays!" Mr. Stark called after the bell rang, signaling the end of class. Raina picked up her binders, the ones she had already stacked on her desk a few minutes ago. She turned to Bella, and saw that she was already waiting by the door. Raina walked towards her, inwardly groaning as she realized what next period would be- French class.
I hope he doesn't talk to me. I'm really not in the mood for it, and I never will be. He doesn't need to talk to me, but from what I can guess, he will anyways. Why do people always think they have to do the right thing? It gets annoying sometimes. Raina thought as she walked out the door with Bella beside her. They said their goodbye's to each other as the went down separate hallways, each heading to a different class. Raina stopped by her locker on the way to class- she did have 2 minutes to spare after all. She put her World History binder back in it's designated spot, and picked up her Math binder. She usually did have time to stop back after French, but she wanted to be prepared anyways.
Shutting her locker, she turned around, and stepped into the crowd of high schoolers heading to their classes. As she walked, she yawned again, reminding her that she didn't get a full night's sleep, which then led to her remembering her dream from last night:
Raina walked along the same alleyway, but this time there were people surrounding her as she walked, pushing her around. She would occasionally mutter 'Excuse me' as she pushed through the mob of people. When her path finally cleared, she saw Gavin standing in the same spot he had that night. This time, however, he had a pistol in his hands, and was pointing it right at Raina. As Raina opened her mouth to scream, someone behind her stuffed a rag in her mouth, stopping the scream in her throat. Before she could reach her hands up to yank it out, another person grabbed them, and tied them behind her back- Frank. As a last resort, she tried to kick out, but her legs refused to work. She collapsed on the ground, hitting her right shoulder on the concrete. Gavin walked over, and started to take her clothing off. She attempted to fight back, but couldn't, completely helpless. She heard a group people laughing, and saw them pointing at her, watching Gavin hungrily attack her, like a wild animal. Closing her eyes, she tried to wake herself up, but couldn't. In her peripheral vision, she saw a tall figure come up behind Gavin- Ezra. He tried to grab Gavin's shirt, and pull him away from her, like he had before. However, Gavin expected it. He stood up, and spun away, out of Ezra's reach. Grabbing the fist Ezra had been trying to use to punch him, he twisted Ezra's arm, and Raina could her bone breaking. She tried to cry out, forgetting about the rag in her mouth. She choked on it, trying to spit it out. Before she could, another person from the crowd noticed, and pushed it back into her mouth. Defeated, she put her head on the ground, watching helplessly. She felt a strong hatred for Gavin, wanting to break free of the ropes to save herself and Ezra. She struggled with them again, trying to find enough strength in herself. When that didn't work, she tried to at least wriggle her hands free, but they were too tight around her wrists. She heard Ezra cry out in pain as Gavin kicked him to the ground. He tried to stand back up, but couldn't. Gavin kicked his ribs, and then his jaw, where the bruise from Friday still was. Gavin laughed at him, as he yelped again. The other people watched, cheering Gavin on, like they were at a boxing match. Rage flooded through Raina again,partly because she hated feeling helpless, and also because she knew that it was her fault Ezra was getting hurt. If she hadn't walked home that way, and had instead walked the longer path, Ezra would have never gotten hurt, and neither would she. With one last surge of strength, she tore the ropes, and stood up, spitting the rag out. Everyone seemed too engrossed in the fight to notice her, the girl that was supposed to be a captive. She grabbed her sweatshirt, and put it back on, and then buttoned her pants. She charged at Gavin, leaping for his back.
Before she had been able to reach him, everything went black, and she had woken up in her bed, shaking.
Shuddering, Raina continued walking down the hallway. She had thought about what Ezra did for her, when she had woken up from the dream. She realized that it was kind of foolish that she was mad at him for helping her, but she still felt that she could have handled the situation herself, one way or another. This then became another reason why she didn't want to face Ezra today. She knew that she would feel horrible for how she had treated him, but wouldn't be able to say anything, not wanting to admit she was wrong. Besides not being able to talk about her feelings, she also had trouble admitting she was wrong. She assumed that she had gotten it from her father, considering the fact that he would sometimes have trouble saying he was wrong, too. However, she did think about how she could just thank Ezra for what he did, but still remind him that she never asked him in the first place. Not wanting to sound like what she would consider a bitch, she scratched the ending of the thought, and just decided that she should thank him. Now, that she thought about it again, she realized that it was really all she needed to say to him, if he did mention something. If not, she would just act like nothing happened, hoping that Randy, Frank, Gavin, and Ezra all would keep their mouths shut. She guessed that Gavin would be too embarrassed by it to mention anything, and that he would scare Frank and Randy into keeping it quiet. Also, she hoped that Ezra knew enough to do the same. She knew she definitely would, not wanting to draw any attention to herself.
As she walked into her class, she prepared herself for the conversation she couldn't stop thinking about.
****************************************************************************************************************
"Hey Ezra, come on in." Mr. Fretta said, as he noticed Ezra approaching his office door. He had been able to come early, his meeting beforehand had been cancelled.
"Hi, Mr. Fretta" Ezra replied as he walked in, and sat in one of the chairs in front of Mr. Fretta's desk. He put his books on the chair beside him, only keeping the folder he had his current schedule in. He looked up at Mr. Fretta, seeing that he was grabbing something from a desk drawer. When he looked up at Ezra, he saw the bruise on his jaw, and immediately asked,
"What happened Ezra? Are you okay?"
Ezra, momentarily forgetting about the bruise, replied "Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"
When Mr. Fretta gestured at his bruised jaw, he realized what he had meant, and said, "Oh, that. Its nothing, I was just playing catch with Luke, my brother, and I wasn't looking when he threw it. I couldn't catch it in time, and it hit my jaw. I'm fine though, thanks."
"Oh, ok." Mr. Fretta replied, not sure if he believed Ezra's story or not. If he noticed anything else suspicious, he decided, he would ask again.
I've really got to keep my story the same, Ezra thought. Or people will get suspicious. I can't let people find out about what happened to Raina, not until I talk to her. Remember- you got hit in the face with a football, and you're fine.
He smiled at Mr. Fretta, hoping that he would believe his story, and move on. Thankfully, he did.
"So, what classes have you already picked?" Mr. Fretta asked, looking at Ezra's schedule.
"French Class. I have it B period, which is next period, actually. Other than that, I have no idea what my classes are yet."
"Ok, we'll try to get as many doe this period as we can. Let's start with Math."
45 minutes later, Ezra had most of his classes for the day figured out, based on availability and his grades from his high school in Maine. After French, he would have a free period to go the library, then P.E., and then another free period during lunch. Satisfied with what he had chosen, Ezra thanked Mr. Fretta, and left his office. He looked at his schedule, to see where his French class was. Last Thursday and Friday Randy had shown him where everything was, since Ezra stayed with him throughout most of the day. Now, he was by himself, so he had to figure it out on his own. He tried to walk while he checked the room number, but he almost bumped into three separate people, so he stood by his locker until he could figure it out. After a few seconds, he figured out where he needed to go, and he started to walk in the correct direction. When he finally reached the classroom, he saw that he was actually early, so he got to choose whatever seat he wanted. Not positive on how the seating worked, he just sat where he had on Friday.
He took out the binder he had gotten for class, and a pen. Some other students trickled, and picked their seats, normally near the front. He tried to remember what some of their name's were, but he could only recall a few. He looked around for Raina, but he wasn't able to find her. Finally, as the last few students came in, he spotted her. She seemed to notice him, but pretended that she didn't. She took her seat next to him, and just looked down, purposely ignoring him. Ezra turned to her, and reached out his hand to tap her shoulder, but Madame Forgeron had started her lesson. Ezra listened to what she was saying, which was in French, of course. The class had a quiz today, which Ezra was exempt from. He probably could have aced the quiz, but Madame Forgeron had wanted to wait until she was certain that he would be in their class. Ezra hadn't taken French in 8th grade, but the teachers had discovered that he could catch onto languages faster than most people. Therefore, he might have been able to take French 5, instead of French 4. For now, he had to stay in 4, just so that the transition would be easier.
He talked with Madama Forgeron while the other students worked on their quizzes. They discussed what his French course could be like, what class he would be in, etc. By the time the students finished their quizzes, Ezra and Madame Forgeron had been able to figure out what what most of the year would be like for him.
He picked up his books from the table he and Madame had been talking at, and went back to his seat. Raina was finishing her last question, and stood up to hand in her paper. Ezra reached his hand out again, planning on catching her attention before she walked away. At the last second, he took his hand away, and faced forward in his desk. He glanced up at the clock, and saw that it was 9:22. There were only two minutes left of class, and if he didn't catch Raina before class ended, he probably never would be able to muster up the courage again.
****************************************************************************************************************
As Raina walked back to her seat, she made sure she didn't glance at Ezra, even for a second. She had felt his eyes on her as she had walked into class, and she could feel them again now. Her cheeks turned slightly pink as she sat down, embarrassed that he had his full attention on her. Sure, on stage, in front of hundreds of people, she loved the attention. But once she was off the stage, and back into her own life's story, she hated attention. Acting had helped her overcome some of her shyness, but not all of it. Now, as Ezra stared at her, she tried to act like she didn't notice, and that it didn't bother her.
She kept her head down as she sat at her desk, and proceeded to pack up her stuff. In her peripheral vision, she could see Ezra reaching out his hand, appearing to want to tap her arm. She continued to act like she didn't notice, and hoped he would be too shy to talk to her. She hoped wrong.
Feeling the tap on her shoulder, she put on a fake smile, and turned to face Ezra. He smiled back, taking his arm away, and placing it in his lap.
"Hey, Raina", he said, with a tiny wave. Raina waved back, her smiling face taking on a neutral expression.
"Hi", she replied. She looked down at her books, waiting for Ezra to reply. He did start the conversation, after all.
"So, uh, I wasn't really sure if you wanted to talk about Friday night or not, so, um, I thought I'd ask, just in case you did." He replied, tapping his foot nervously. Before Raina could respond, he quickly added "You don't have to, of course. Your choice."
"Ok." Raina replied, not really sure of what she wanted.
Do I need to talk about it? Not really. Should I? I don't know! Bella normally helps with these things, and I really don't want to worry her with what happened. I wish I could just make up my frigging mind sometimes!
"So?", Ezra said, wanting her to say yes, and no, at the same time. He thought she should talk about it, but that didn't mean that he wanted to. He hoped that she would make it easy, and just say no. But at the same time, he knew that what happened wasn't right, and it was best for someone in a situation like this to talk.
Maybe I could tell Mr. Fretta, and allow him to handle it. No, this is Raina's problem, not mine. I should let her handle it. Its not like I'm her friend, or anything. Just a guy that saw her almost get raped. Yeah, nothing special. Ezra thought sarcastically as he waited for Raina to reply.
"I'm good, but thanks for the offer. See you around." Raina finally said, standing up, books in tow. Madame Forgeron had dismissed class, and she was happy for the break in this awkward moment. She walked in between the desks leading to the door, only feeling slightly bad about leaving Ezra like that. She ignored it, and just continued walking, heading in the direction of her next class.
Ezra picked his books up from the desk, after he stood up, and followed the rest of the students out the door. He hadn't gotten his new class picked out yet, and neither had Luke, so they had planned to go to the library together and read until the next period. Mr. Fretta had a guidance class, so he couldn't have talked with Ezra anyways.
Well, that didn't go too badly. Ezra thought to himself as he walked. Sure, she could've been a little nicer about it, but whatever. I can't let it bother me. She's just another girl from school now, that's all.
He weaved through the flow of students in the hallway, needing to cross it to get to the library doors. When he finally did, he saw, through the windows, that Luke had beat him there. Opening the door, he looked around. He had been here once before, when he had gotten a tour of the school. The set-up was completely different from his old school's, and he was still amazed at how many books they had. He had loved to read since he was a child, and the thought of being able to go through the aisles and pick out a book appealed to him.
After admiring the room for a few seconds longer, he walked over to where Luke was sitting. The library was empty except for them and the librarian, Mrs. Gurgon. From what Ezra had gathered, she seemed pretty nice. She definitely wasn't one of those old, cliché librarians, with the glasses perched on their noses, a book in hand, and one of those nasally voices saying 'Quiet down!' or shushing patrons every five minutes. Mrs. Gurgon was probably in her late thirties, with two kids of her own aged 2 and 5. She actually enjoyed kids and teenagers, and made sure she picked out books she thought they would enjoy. She allowed people to talk, eat, drink, and do other things most teachers wouldn't allow.
Ezra sat across from Luke, at the table he was reading at. He looked up from his book, and smiled at Ezra.
"Hey", he said, looking back down at his book. He, like Ezra, loved reading, and would take any chance he could get to put his life on hold, and read about someone else's.
"How's the book?", Ezra asked, picking up his own. Luke had recently become interested in the Harry Potter series. Although the first couple books were quite a few reading levels below his own, he had enjoyed the movies, and heard that the books were even better. Ezra already had the whole series, from when he was obsessed with them in eighth grade. Luke hadn't been at the time, and Ezra had always pushed him to read them. Now that he finally was interested, Ezra made sure he asked about them almost every day, knowing that it bothered Luke.
"As you already know, they're great, Ezra", Luke said, without even glancing up from the page he was reading. He responded to Ezra almost automatically now, sometimes switching the answer up if he felt like it. Ezra opened his own book, The Shining by Stephen King. He, along with Luke, had recently become interested in a new genre of book. In his case, it was horror.
As his eyes started to move about the page, looking for where he had left off, he found himself thinking of Raina again. Trying to ignore it, he finally found his spot, and continued reading. He was able to get through four other pages before he realized that he hadn't understood anything he had just read. Instead, he was thinking of Raina again. Grumbling quietly, he flipped back to where he started, and tried to reread it.
Luke, who had taken a break from his book, had noticed Ezra's problem.
"Can't concentrate?", he asked Ezra, startling him.
"Huh?", he replied, closing his book.
"Something on your mind?", Luke said, hinting that he was interested. He could guess that it had something to do with Friday night, and although Ezra clearly didn't like talking about it, Luke still wanted him to continue with his story, the one he started in the morning.
"Oh, uh, no, not really. Just not in the mood for reading, I guess." Ezra said, closing his book, and placing it on the table.
"Are you sure?", Luke said, raising an eyebrow to show that he knew Ezra was lying. Not only did he know what he was thinking about, he could also hear the lie in his voice.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Okay. If you do feel like talking about anything, I'm here for you. I always was, and I always will be."
"I know, bro. I know."
*************************************************************************************************************