Until the stars stop shining

Chapter One - How it all started

I woke up, staring at a white ceiling with bright lights shining at me. I immediatly closed my eyes, because of the sudden change from the dark black i was cought in, to the bright white. What happened? How long have i been out? My mind was racing. I wanted answeres to all the questions in my head. I was in a small room, with one bed i layed on and a small table across the room with flowers and all kind of greeting cards. I was alone in this room, that's why no one noticed that i woke up. The only sound in the room was my heavy breathing and the beeping of the monitors next to my bed. Slowly, i sat up, but a sharp pain in my lower abdomen caused me to lay down again. A sudden wave of dizzines came over me and my head spun like crazy. The pain in my abdomen got worse and i couldn't think straight. Okay, you gotta calm down. Just breath. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. IT ISN'T THAT DIFFICULT JUST BREATH!! I lifted the blanket that covered me and saw something terrible. My whole stomach was covered in red. Blood. Alright now you have a reason to panic. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!? And suddenly, everything went black again. My mind was blank. My vision black.

 A few hours later i woke up again. Well for me, it was just five minutes but according to the darkness in my room, and outside, it had to be late at night. I didn't feel any better. I still got that terrible pain in my stomach and the dizzines. I didn't even try to stay awake. I was tired. So i just fell back into that dark void.

A dark room. Where am I? „You are in your mind...", a deep voice said. His voice echoed inthe darkness and it made me shiver. „What is happining?", i asked into the darkness. My knees felt like bubblegum and i felt like i would collapse any moment. „You are, where you are most scared of to be. Alone. With me. In a dark void, where no one can hear you, because there is nobody except you and me..", he chuckled darkly. „You", i said befor hearing screams, from no one in particular.

And than i woke up. A thick layer of sweat coverd my shaking body. Tears run down my cheeks like waterfalls and I heard dimmed screams. It was to late to shut up when i realized i was the one screaming. People were already running into my room. They had white doctor coats on what confirmed my suspicion. I was in the hospial. But why? They were checking the monitors next to my bed. I saw a woman, who stood next to me, holding my hand. Also crying. I didn't know who she was, but seeing her cry hurt me. It was only then when i realized it was my mum. She stood beside me, trying to calm me down, but the rining in my ears got louder and louder and the muffled voices faded out of my head like fog as soon as the sun rises. The rining got worse and worse and the last things I saw was a light shining into my right, than into my left eye. I got rushed out oft he room and than blacked out again. The ringing faded and suddenly everything was quiet.

I was stuck in my head again. The only person I could talk to was him. I already knew him. He was an unwanted roommate in my head. He lived there rent free and every time i tried to get him out, he would come back eventually. Everytime i feel stressed, angry, sad or just numb, he would come back to me and tell me that everything is my fault. That i am the moster who ruins my and everyone elses lifes. He makes everything worse. But on the other hand, he showed me the reality. The thruth. I was a moster who hurt everyone around me.

I was in my head again. Alone with him. Again.

When i woke up, i could only assume that i have had a surgery. Tubes were going out of my body and the monitors were beeping again. This time i wasn't alone when i woke up. „Mum?", i asked softly, coming out more as a whisper, but still loud enough for her to turn to me and run to me. She hugged me and i felt her tears running onto my shoulder. „What happened?", i asked her, happy to not be alone anymore. „Shhh sweetie don't talk. You have to rest" „But i need to know what happened", is asked irritated. She wiped her tears away and started talking. 

„You had an acciddent. You were in coma for two months.."