Innocence

53. We're even now.

(Gracie Adams)

I stared at the unconscious 26 year old that I had deep feelings for.

I suddenly felt remorse as I realized that I never expressed my feelings as much as I should've. I never said 'I love you' as much as I should've. I didn't hug and kiss him enough times. I should've shown him more affection.

But it was too late.

His last day could be anytime now.

A tear slipped from my eye and I glanced over at Pattie to see her looking down. Her body was shaking slightly and I instantly knew she was crying. I placed my hand in hers and squeezed it reassuringly.

I knew better than to tell her it was going to be alright because to be honest, I didn't know.

Nobody did.

We could only hope and pray.

"I-" she was cut off by the most horrifying sound you can hear.

A long beeping noise emitted from the machine next to Justin's hospital bed and the lines on the monitor turn flat.

My breathing hitched.

Everything turned blurry in my vision. It was as if the world slowed down around me. I couldn't hear anything around me as  doctors and nurses barged in, tending to the dying patient.

My baby boy.

A nurse shook me, telling me to do something but I was frozen as I stared at the terrifying scene in front of me.

Doctors shocked Justin's lifeless body repeatedly but the beeping wouldn't go away.

That's when reality kicked in.

My baby boy is dead.

(Nick Adams)

I stared down at my trembling hands as I sat on the edge if my bed.

After continuous questioning from my mother and me ignoring her each time, she finally left me in peace.

Giving me time to think of my previous actions.

I hurt Gracie.

My only sister.

Even though she was older than me, I always promised to love and protect her no matter what.

But if I was the one who hurt her, how was I suppose to accomplish that?

I clenched my fists in anger.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Her words repeated themselves in my head.

"It's a secret."

Even though I hurt her, she kept it a secret.

I had to find out why.

A tear leaked down my cheek and I wiped it away, standing up and punching the wall.

Maybe if I hurt myself, the guilt will go away.

And with that thought, I began to punch the wall repeatedly. Each blow getting stronger until I finally gave up. My knuckles were bloody and had cuts and bruises covering them.

Thank God my mom went to the store because if not, I wouldn't be able to get the guilt away.

I had to tell Gracie.

I had to tell her that everything was OK. That we were even now.

I wiped the tears that I didn't even notice fell and sniffed, a smile appearing on my face.

We're even now.

--

Y'all lucky y'all even got an update 'cause the walking dead is on in like 9 minutes.

Lol bye.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter

XxLove you guysxX

-Ally