𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒅𓆙

abyss

i started to love your destruction

BEING IN THIS room is so suffocating, it drains every ounce of my energy even when lying in the stranger's bed I still feel tired. I don't know if it hangs with being tired of life or just being tired because I haven't slept for five days. I basically have insomnia more or less. I just wasn't able to fall asleep no matter how tired I am, and I won't take any sleeping pills- well i actually do considerate it right now.

The room where I reside for the past 3 hours is very dark except the blue LED lights that are set on the lowest brighteness is giving me enough light to see what's going on, the room isn't messy at all, rather it's clean, though it might get dirty from all the smoke flying around, the window beside me is wide open and is trying its best to let the smoke out of the room so fresh air can come inside and be dirty all over again.

everything in the room is looking neat, the mattress I am lying on is so soft it feels like I'm sinking in it, every second I wish I could sink deep into the mattress and disappear for good. That is if I will ever be able to, I turned my head to the side trying to see through the smoke what the boy on the floor is doing, I couldn't see anything due to my eyes betraying me and the smoke too thick to be see through, my eyes are probably blood shot red.
,,hey, you wanna go out?"

I'm to high to respond, rather than responding I just sat up and let my arms fly down to his neck and slide all the way down to his torso where they stay put and my head slowly connects with his side profile. burying my head in his neck is calming me down, his scent is calming me down, the orange scent is covering the cigarette smoke so well, I don't mind the cigarette smoke but I for sure love the orange scent more than the cigarette smoke.

He remained silent, probably waiting for my answer, he knows my answer yet he still wants me to say it. Still, I let my hands fist his hoodie and I took a deep breath trying to savor as much as I could. I was drifting somewhere in my mind, and I was losing myself until I felt a big hand grab my tiny wrist softly but also tight. He knows. he knows this is the moment where he has to hold me tightly so I remind myself that my corpse is alive. that my body is still living, it's still alive unfortunately.

I felt his fingers graze my under wrist, touching my cut marks. He pulled my wrist and I had to stand up to see where his hand is taking my wrist, as I stood up his arm quickly snaked around my waist pulling me down on his lap, his other hand still gripping my wrist, but this time more tightly. He often did that- correction. He always did that when he wanted something from me.

Now both of his hands were on my waist and it was no surprise they went further down until they found their favourite place on my ass, he cupped my cheeks and lifted me up and down so I was practically grinding on his shaft. I wasn't really feeling it. Often I would go with it, sometimes I would suck him off or we would go all the way but today I didn't want either.

,,seth...," I didn't want my voice to come out like that, grinding on him always turns me on but I don't have time for that now, I better put this feeling aside.

,,let's not do it today, let's just go out."

he continued to lift me up and down as if he didn't hear me right now, he squeezed my cheeks tighter and with the last lift he put me down on him harshly, I felt his bulge poking me. I remained silent, just barely holding eye contact with him.

,,aw come onnn," I had to roll my eyes when I saw his signature smirk he used a lot of times, and each smirk was for the girl he was planing to break, each girl never cared about their heart being crushed, they said and I quote - ,,he could step on me and i would apologise for being in his way" - honestly it's bunch of shit. That phrase is used by tiktok, they really thought I wouldn't know.