HoPe

Chapter four

Sometimes love isn't deserved but never doubt that you deserve to be loved...
***

"Please Diane. I can't do this again. I don't have it in me to give this another shot." Mason said, as tears he'd managed to hold in while he remembered the past, flooded his face.

He'd tried for the last years not to think about the past because he couldn't bear the pain, but Diane holding onto him like she did before when they were one big happy family made it arduous to forget.

"What do you want me to do then? Let you die?"

The people at the cafe kept staring, this time they weren't even trying not to. They watched them like Mason and Diane were acting a telenovela and they couldn't afford to miss a scene.

"People are watching Diane. Let go of me."

Diane was cute and childish. She'd always been like that, one of the things Mason loved about her. She knew when to be childish, and when to be mature, and she was so stubborn it was impossible to make her do anything she didn't want to.

"I will, but you have to do something for me in return. Take me to your house."

"You know I can't do that Diane."

"Then I can't let go of you. You know I couldn't care less if they watch and hear everything we say."

Like he said, Diane was stubborn. She had to always get her way.

"Let's go home then."

She smiled gaily. "I like the sound of that."

"That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Doesn't matter to me. You said 'let's go home' like you used to when the three of us went out. I'm happy I got to hear you say it again."

It was no use arguing with her, Mason knew that, so he abandoned the topic and led her to her car.

It was still a mystery how she was able to find him even after he deleted every footprint he made on earth. To the world he was already a dead man, but somehow Diane had managed to track him down. She was tenacious and if she so much as put her mind to anything, she accomplished it. This was his wife, the mother of his late daughter, the woman who saw good even when he looked in a mirror and only saw evil.

He always thought because Diane was a psychiatrist she must have seen many kinds of evil in people, and her practice compelled her to see good even where there wasn't any, but living with her for years opened his eyes to a kind of love he didn't think a person would be capable of.

Being married to Diane was pure bliss, she never once treated him like a patient, only encouraged him and helped him become a better person, and even after he'd failed her, she was still here trying to help him see the good in life.

"Take the left route here..."

"Stop at that street," he said pointing to the sign that reads st.Matthews.

"We have to walk in. You can't drive your car inside the street."

She looked at him quizzically, "why?"

"Because the neighborhood isn't safe. But we could always go back to your hotel, or the cafe."

"Nice try. You're not getting out of this so easily. Lead the way."

They came out of her car and he led her to his room apartment. While they were Passing through the fields, he saw her through the side of his eyes looking at the kids that were playing, as an unconscious sad smile brazed her lips.

She was still hurting, and she missed Hope.

Her eyes watered and she quickly dried them, while he pretended not to have noticed. They walked silently until they got to his studio apartment.

Diane looked around the apartment, her eyes stopping at the tiny kitchen at the corner of the room. She walked over to the kitchen, bending low, she opened and closed the cupboards and lockers.

"Do you need something?" He said walking over to her.

"You don't have plates or pots, just spoons?"

"Yes. I don't eat much."

She got up, walking around the apartment. "And this room is where you've lived for almost four years now?"

"Don't scrutinize me Diane. You asked to be here, I never invited you."

"You're right. I'm sorry. It's just... I looked for you for almost a year and I imagined you'd be living... better, you know." She fretted.

"I'm okay Diane. I've been doing good."

She sat on the bed, encouraging him to join her.

"I saw those kids and I couldn't help myself from thinking about Hope."

"I don't know what you think you're doing Diane but you got to stop. I've made it clear that I don't want to talk about her."

He got up, angrily pacing the room.

"But you have to Mason. We have to talk about Hope or we'll never be able to heal and move on."
She got up too, standing in front of him.

"What if I don't want to heal and move on. What if I just want to continue living in this hell. What if I'm happy living in this hell."

"How long will you punish yourself for Hope's death? You have to forgive yourself Mason. It wasn't your fault."

"Stop saying her name." He yelled.

"Why? You've been having the same nightmare without any help from me for years now, what more damage can saying her name cause?" She yelled back.

Mason kept shut, but he was furious with Diane. How did he convince himself to bring her here after she'd tried for years to come to his place and failed. He must have been deep in the emotional pool added with the smell of her vanilla shampoo to have lost his mind and brought her here. Now he was paying the price for this mistake.

Diane walked to his side, hand on his shoulder, rubbing, her attempt at calming him.

"She was my daughter too, Mason. I lost my daughter that day. It still hurts to think about her or hear her name, but what choice do I have? She would want us to move on. Can't you do it for Hope?"

He cried. He really cried hard and Diane hugged him, crying along.

"I miss her so much..."

"I know. I do too."

"I loved her. I loved her so much. I would have given my life for her."

"I know Mason, she loved you too. You were her father and her best friend. She would want you to live life."

"Why did she do that for me? I don't deserve it, I never did anything to deserve it."

"Because she loved you. Your daughter loved you Mason, that's why she gave you this gift."

"It hurts so much. I couldn't save her. I couldn't save my Hope."

"It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

P.s Sometimes love isn't deserved but never doubt that you deserve to be loved.