Levi x Reader oneshot

Date in Tokyo

"Golly jee I sure can't wait to go to weebcon in Japan, I've been waiting ever since I left the womb. I almost missed the flight so I hope nothing else goes wrong to prevent me from attending" you said, as if to set it up for an unfortunate and unforeseen event. "Ladies and gentlemen unfortunately we are experiencing an unforeseen event. The turbulence was so terrible that our left wing fell off so we are now going to crash" announced the incompetent male pilot. You thought the logic behind this was sus but you're not a fucking plane engineer and didn't question it. You said one last prayer to the weeb gods and braced for impact.

You opened your eyes to see a plane wreck. The entire plane was smashed to shit. Tons of people were dead and everyone who wasn't had so many broken bones they wished they were. "Oh my what a mess" You commented. you unbuckled your seatbelt and walked away.

"Hmm I should probably check where I am." You thought as you whipped out your new iPhone XR (never to be confused with the pathetic disgusting iPhone X 🙄) you looked at your location and apparently you were in Tokyo. "Aw sweet this such an epic gamer moment I can go to weebcon now" you celebrated. You looked up how far away weebcon was from you "What!?!?!?! A 35 minute walk!?!?? Fuck that I'll go next year" You exclaimed.

You walked 4 hours to the closest convenience store where you saw potatoes "omg just like in that one episode of attack on titan. Eating food from an anime is such a rare opportunity I just have to buy this" You proceeded to pay ¥50000 for a fucking potato.

You walked a wee bit more as you admired the potato, too busy fangirling over the fact its in an anime to eat it. You walked until you got into the main bit of Tokyo. "Omg so kawaii uwu" You screamed. You were exploring Tokyo when suddenly three big meanie thugs came over to you "grr give me all your money and jewelery and that snazzy iPhone X or die please" they threatened "umm actually it's an iPhone XR 🙄" You corrected "stfu bitch I'm gonna fuck your mum- omg is that a potato?? Like from attack on titan???" the thugs started to fangirl over a fucking potato "okay change of plan give us that potato and we'll let you go" this is where you stood your ground "no ❤️" you said. The stupid rude ass thugs got vewy angwy and took out some knives" You pissed yourself a bit in this moment but you hoped no one noticed.

You crouched and accepted your death and gave your potato one last kiss when suddenly some fucking middle aged dwarf swooped down and beat the shit out of the 400 thugs in like 30 seconds. You opened your eyes to see a whole ass mountain of people groaning and crying in pain because they had all been beaten to a pulp by the fucking long lost 8th dwarf from Snow White. The tiny ninja man stood in front of you without a scratch. "Oh my what a mess" You commented.

"Ayo bby whats poppin u good homie." He spoke with such eloquence and class that you fell in love instantly. You looked up at your savior to see some rat man with the most displeased face and stupid eboy hair and a funny little cravat looking back at you with his hand out. You took his hand and used it to stand back up "no you dumb bitch I wanted the potato I expect payment for saving your ass" "he always chose his words so carefully he's clearly a gentleman 😻😻" You thought to yourself.

You decided to simp and give this man half of your priceless potato "oh yeah that's some good shit who needs heroin fuck yeah" he said with his mouth full of carbs. "Hey what's your name anyways" he asked. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-m-m-m-m-m-m y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y/n-n-n-n-n-n-n" you stammered because it's tradition in a fanfiction to fuck up first impressions. "What's yours?" you asked. The man child handed you a business card. You read the name on it out loud "Levi Ackerman. Hmm sounds familiar but I just can't place it" Levi broke out into a cold sweat and started to panic "huh really? Nope never been in an anime definitely a real person what gave you that idea? Wow is it hot in here wanna go get some sushi or something let's not talk about this" You heard sushi and your weeb side took over and you completely abandoned your pursuit in finding out if Levi actually existsed "Omg sushi yasss that's so Japanese so kawaii uwu"

Levi took you to this sushi place. I won't describe it because it just looks like a fucking sushi place imagine it ok.

"Okay so we've established that golden freddy is a girl called Charlie by using the guidebook, but who is the crying child? There's theories that say his name is Evan but it just doesn't seem to-" You said as you explained the entire fnaf lore to Levi. Levi had fallen asleep because he already knew the fnaf lore like the back of his hand, but when he smelled that scent of raw fish mf woke up so fast it's like he had an assignment due in 15 minutes.

Now it was Levi's turn to talk. Levi is a fucking fish connoisseur and started to rank the sushi from best to worst. "Oh but this don't eat this it's pufferfish and this restaurant sucks so it'll literally poison you." "huh." You said. You grabbed your napkin and spat out the food in your mouth "aw man I knew this tasted funky I guess I have food poisoning now" you said. "Haha take the L you'll be grand you'll just be in immense unbearable terrible pain with chronic diarrhea for a few days" "eh I have periods so that sounds like a breeze" you flexed because period cramps have no right to hurt so bad wtf I could get shot in the stomach and it wouldn't hurt as bad as cramps. (This is assuming you've experienced period cramps if you haven't then consider yourself fucking blessed) You felt a rumble in your stomach "gotta blast" you said to your date as you ran to the bathroom. You experienced the symptoms of food poisoning and did not have a good time.

As you walked out the bathroom you looked so pale you were literally transparent. "Aw man ghosting me on the first date? So rude." Levi made a dad joke to bully you for being so pale "shut up at least I can ride rollercoasters" You said as you proceeded to projectile vomit on the waiter passing by "oh my what a mess" you commented. Levi was so disgusted by the display he started to projectile vomit everywhere too. Levi threw some coins at the manager as payment and grabbed you and left.

"Well I'd literally rather murder you than risk you shitting on the carpets in my house so let's just rent a hotel" Levi said ever so comfortingly "😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏-😳🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮" you said. Levi picked you up by the collar and carried you with two fingers like this 🤏 all the way to the haikyuu hotel.

You got the room with the ship you wanted idk I don't watch haikyuu just pick a room or something.

As you entered the room you realized you got a twin bed room. "FUCK now how are we suppose to conveniently be forced into sharing a bed" Levi complained. You gave a disappointed nod in agreement before running to the cartoon volleyball players toilet and doing the worst shit of your life. Once that horrid display was finished you left the bathroom and saw Levi putting his Minecraft bed right next to yours 😏 "awww babe you didn't have to do that" you said "do you want to play super smash bros ultimate on the Nintendo switch?" Levi asked "hell yea gimme that Wii fit trainer I'll destroy you" you responded. Levi nearly got up and left then and there "that's a fucking horrible choice wtf there's literally over 50 characters and you chose Wii fit trainer are you dense" He said because he has a brain. You came to your senses and agreed with him. You ended up using zero suit samus like a fucking gay legend because that is the correct choice. You beat the shit out of Levi every time because of lesbian rights.

"Okay let's make things more interesting.." Levi said "if I win, you have to do whatever I say" You thought this was the most sus request in the fucking universe but your 47 win streak and competitive nature made you agree. Both sides gave it their all in this two minute long battle. Tension was high and your pride was on the line so neither of you kept count of how many points you had. The battle ended and it felt as if time was moving in slow motion as the results were being revealed.

The anticipations unbearable and just as soon as the results popped up you vomited all over the tv and the Nintendo switch because you still had food poisoning. The vomit is so acidic it set the switch on fire and the hotel began to burn down. "Ah fuck" you said in between vomits. Levi put on four masks and a hazmat suit and bridal carried you out of the burning building. You both watched the building fall down and watch the stupid haikyuu hotel and results of the stupid bet burn to ashes to be forgotten forever. "Oh my what a mess" commented Levi. You laughed then vomited all over Levi's hazmat suit.