A lifetime away

Dear, You

"Whoa, calm down!" I turn to find where the voice can from, and see you. It was the first time we laid eyes on each other, and I knew I liked you right then and there. When I looked in your eyes, everything went quiet, and there was no one but you in that room. I felt safe, and protected. I felt like I would never be judged. But it all had to be ended, as I was in the middle of a tug-a-wore with my best friend.
I've seen you around school, but never knew how to approach you. I was scared I would make the wrong impression, and you tell your friends i'm weird. I would have to start the eighth grade, at a new school, as the weirdo. I'm glad you came up first, if not, we would have never became friends.
I've thought about you every night since then. I just knew in my heart we would get together, I just knew it. Was it love at first sight? Probably. Do I like admitting that? No. We had first hour together, so I knew i'd see you again. So when I walked in there, I looked for you, everyday. When we would make eye contact, I would wave at you. Do you remember that? You'd make me blush by waving back. It's silly. We would never talk, only wave and make eye contact. I guess that was our form of talking though. No words were needed for me to fall for you. We also had band together, and that's where we meet. You, the great saxophone. Me, the one who's new to the flute. I guess a good combo. During the first few minutes of class, when we would play our instruments to get warmed up, for warm ups, I would watch you. I would watch you play your saxophone and be mesmerized. I love hearing you play, you sound so beautiful playing it. I couldn't take my eyes off of you. Until you'd look up and see me staring. That got awkward. I looked away so fast. But it was cool knowing you still noticed me. I loved it. We barley know each other. But I still wanted to get you something for christmas. I didn't know hat you liked, so I thought I should make you something. I was doing it anyway for two of my friends, so it wasn't like it was taking time out of my day. I was making you the letter of your first name, and a charm. I accidentally spent all my money, oops. I kept thinking of what to put on your initial, and had an amazing idea to do your favorite colors. One color as the base, and others splattered on it. You have to admit it was a pretty cool gift. Your charm I made took forever. I wanted it to be perfect. I think it took me four tries. I kept bugging you about the gift too, you remember? I kept asking what your favorite colors were, and what color you would like the base to be, without trying to make it obvious I was making you something. But you knew, and you let me do so anyway. Thank you for that. When I called you to my locker to give you your present, you looked so amazed. Your eyes got wide, your mouth dropped with a faint smile, and your eye brows were raised high. You loved it and I knew. It was an amazing little interaction. Watching you open your gift, and being happy about it, made me happy. It made me really happy Aiden. It was January 22, 2021 at 12 am when my neice, my sister and I were listineng to love music, and I thought of you on every song. I grabbed my phone and just kept typing, "i like you, i have liked you since the first day of school. i don't care if you don't like me back or not, i know you don't, but that's not the point. i'm telling you this because i'm listening to a song and i can't stop thinking about you, and telling you. so that's what i'm doing. but i'm not going to make this awkward. and i don't care if you like me back. okie bye bye." then i had the audacity to text you again saying "and i don't like bottling things in, so i like to let people know my mind. so that's why i'm telling you this, again. but i swear if you still want to be friends i won't make things weird. and if your not comfortable with me liking you then i could leave you alone. i don't know now bye bye." I threw my phone down after sending those, I couldn't bare the embarrassment of what I just sent to you. So I went to sleep. I checked my phone in the morning, when my mom woke us up. We went to get get my sisters boyfriend for my nephews basketball game. We were in a gas station getting drinks for the game when I felt my phone vibrate and looked at it. It was you, texting me back. I flipped my cool, and was waving my arms and legs. I was nervous but excited to see what you would say. So i told my group you texted back, but was afraid to look at the message. They just told me to do it, after a little i did. It said "I'll go out with you." I don't think you understand how happy I was right there. Flipped my cool a second time. I said "what? hold on, what do you mean?" and you just said "I will date you." If there was an award for flipping cool, i'd have every single one just from that moment.
"i'm like co fused over here. so you like me back?"  "yes." I didn't know what to say, so I had my sisters boyfriend help me out there. You remember me talking to you about that? It was funny. The whole basketball game, I thought of you and how you are my boyfriend now. I kept blushing. You had a different s eh dial for a while, so on monday when we went back to school, we didn't have first hour together. so i didn't see you until i would go to my third hour. you came out of history, and i was walking to go outside, and we crossed paths. i smiled, you waved. i didn't know what to do, so i snaked your hand for a high five, the. ran out the door. not a great first meet after getting together, but i love it now. after third hour ended it was lunch, i didn't see you till you sat down right in front of me. we talked all lunch, or anytime we can for that matter. but not over the phone that much. walking to band was the same, and walking to the buses was the same. we just talked, it came natural to us. we were like two pees in a pod, to me at least. After two months, I noticed something was different with you. You seemed odd, like you lost feelings for me. So i texted you and asked you, but you left me on read. I got so angry at you, I knew you stopped liking me by the way you left me on read. I told myself to break up with you tomorrow, but i find t want to. I looked at the necklace you gave me for valentine's day, and just shrugged it off, like maybe you had something to do. so i went to sleep. But in the morning i told my friends, and they agreed with me, to break up with you. i had to wait three periods to ask you if you lost feelings for me in person. i had Aaron get you out of class, to meet me in the hallway. when you came out, my heart fell to my stomach. i felt like i was going to get sick, and i was so sweaty. "are you losing feeling for me?" i asked. you just turned around and walked back into your class. i got furious, how could you not tell me sooner that you didn't like me, or how come you didn't man up and tell me right there. i knew i had to break up with you, mainly from anger. i took the necklace you gave me off, and gave it to my best friend to wear. she liked it, for a while. when lunch came, all my friends left to get food. i seen you in the line, so i stayed behind. i was so angry at you. when i seen you out the corner of my eye, i rolled my eyes and turned to you. i knew i'd get you to say something here. "are you losing feelings for me?" i asked. you just looked at me, "i have to tell you something." you said. "ok!" i said. "i'm breaking up with you." my heart sank, i was so hurt, but pretended like i wasn't hurt. i tell you i didn't care but i do. "ok!" i said immediately and shot up from the seat. i "skipped" to my friends with a smile on my face, hiding the pain. i told them and laughed it off. for the rest of the year we didn't talk, nor did i even get close to you. a month passed by and i was just watching you, hang out with your friends. i had tears coming to my eyes. i went to my best friend and said, "how can he pretend like nothing happened, like what he did didn't hurt me?" and there they came, the tears, the emotions i had been pushing down. i just cried on her shoulder, not for long though. we got in trouble because covid was till around. but i guess it's fine. now let's talk about band camp. while we've been here, we laughed, then had a serious talk, then argued, then made up. what is with us Aiden? why can't we just stick to one emotion, i want us to be happy together. i want us to laugh together and have fun like we used to. i don't want to argue anymore, since we broke up we've had two arguments, and have barley talked. i hate arguin with you. i love you, can't you see that? you made me think that someone out there really did have feelings for me, that someone actually cared, and you turned around and told me you never loved me. "i never loved you, it was only you who had feelings in the relationship." what the fuck is that? Aiden i hate you, because i still love you after the shit ton of emotions you've put me through, and all the crying sessions i've had over you. i should'nt trust you, and i shouldn't love you, but i do. over everyone else, you are the one i trust and love the most. and i hate it. i hate you, i hate every bit of you. but then i love you, every bit of you. so i'm hoping we can become good friends again, and not have fights. i want you to be happy too. i want you to smile at your girl, and tell her you love her. i want you to treat that girl like she's a queen. i want you to make that girl so happy. i'll cheer you on, in my own bubble over here. watching you get happier. as i too am working on myself, i hope i find someone that makes me happy. i hope she, or him will make me happier than you did. goodbye for now, my Aiden.