The last transgression before the fall.

Don't touch me!

Yaman threw his coat on the bed and asked Seher to pick it up and left the room in a rage. He couldn't control his anger and there was a beast lurking beneath the surface almost constantly these days.
He was pacing up and down in his study and trying to clamp down on his fury. This woman would pay badly for her treacheries.

He felt torn in two halves, as if he had been split in the middle. One part of him wanted to hug Seher tight and erase all her aches, whenever he would witness her weep silently, while the other part wanted her to endure as much agony as he was undergoing.

Suddenly, a hateful plan started forming in his mind. He knew it was despicable beyond measure and this was point of no return for him. It was a new low even for him but he was no longer a sane man right now. He was very much the barbarian he always thought he was, deep down. He decided to punish Seher in the way which would debase her and wound her the most. In fact he was punishing himself more with every act of unkindness done to her now.

He knew she was very uncomfortable and discomfited by any close physical contact. He decided to use it against her and make her all the more rattled. He knew this was the last nail in the coffin of their relationship. After this, she would lose whatever remaining respect or trust she had in him.

He wanted her to sleep next to him everyday and realize what both of them could have had and lost- The love and companionship of a long lasting relationship.

He went back into the bedroom and saw her sitting on the sofa with a dazed expression on her face and tears in her eyes. He went close to her and said in a loud booming voice, " From tonight you and me will be sleeping on the same bed. You will not sleep on the sofa." Saying this, he cursed himself a thousand deaths for hurting her remaining semblance of pride. Even she would not have expected this last humiliation.

Her eyes returned to him and there was intense hatred, shock and hurt in them. She stood up and said in a quiet voice, " I will not sleep in the same bed as you. I would much rather prefer to die. It repels me and nothing would be more abhorrent to me."

Yaman pulled her to his chest and stared brazenly in her eyes and bellowed, "YOU DAMN WILL. You will do as I tell you to do. If you don't listen to me, I will fight Yusuf's custody with you till the last penny you have and snatch him away from you forever. You will never see his face again. Just remember, the social services still think Yusuf is staying with a happily married couple and you shall not contradict them or do anything which puts his custody in jeopardy."

Seher was shaking like a leaf now and tears started streaming down her face. This was too much to bear and she finally broke down. She went limp against him and the moment he released her hand, she dropped down on the ground.

Yaman didn't see this coming. Formulating the most hideous of schemes was one thing, but implementing it, knowing fully well that he would scar an already damaged Seher even more, was a totally different aspect.

With every havoc he wreaked on the woman he loved, he died a little bit more on the inside. There were now two people who were disgusted with this version of Yaman Kirimli. He had never felt as much revulsion for himself as he did now.

He bent to help her get up but she crawled backwards away from him as if his very nearness was repugnant to her. His heart stopped beating for a moment, seeing the raw desolation and terror in her eyes. He wanted to say that he didn't mean to ravish her or touch her but just torture her with his presence but he instantly understood now that this had been a loathsome and sickening idea. He was a possessed man it seemed. Intense love and hate had torn him to pieces.

She looked up at him with tearful eyes and folding her hands, said in a choked voice ," P-please ! P-P-Please don't do this to me. I beg of you, please. Please don't cross this last remaining line and edge of sanity. Don't break the remaining pieces of this relationship into smithereens which I cannot ever pick up. I will not be able to recover from this. You have already violated and humiliated me enough, without me not even knowing the reason for this hatred and hostility. The only thing remaining is my body. Don't force yourself on me. I will not be able to survive this pain. I will die. For God's sake p-p-please leave me alone. " Saying this she started shivering uncontrollably and started rubbing her arms as if the coldness in his heart was piercing her bones.

Yaman could no more see her like this and his heart broke for this helpless and fragile woman and what all he had done to her. It seemed to him that with every tear running down her face, his personal hell was getting bigger and bigger. He knew he had dug a grave for himself, one from which his soul would not easily get out.

But the contempt he had for himself was gradually removing the fog of hatred in his heart for Seher. He knew then and there that he had punished her too much and for too long, and that too unfairly. The last word hit him hard. UNFAIRLY. He had not even confronted her on the file and assumed her guilty. He had not even given her the chance to defend herself. And to top that, he had isolated her in this house from everyone. He played the doting husband in public and she had no-one to even voice her apprehensions and fears to. He had abandoned her on the day of their honeymoon. She had witnessed nothing but heartbreak since she had married him.

A terrifying thought came to his mind and he was unable to shake it anymore. What if she was innocent?? The woman in front of him could not be duplicitous. Every single cell in his body screamed that Seher was innocent.

He went down on his knees in front of her, at a safe distance as not to alarm her anymore, and said in a choked voice, " Seher, I, I am sorry. I didn't mean to do anything at all to you. I am so so sorry for hurting you but I just wanted to make you feel cornered. I swear on Yusuf , I would not have ra-- forced myself on you , ever. Please believe me. Oh God, what did I do. "

Saying this he tentatively reached out to her and said, " Get up please , Seher. Please forget everything I said and please please don't cry. You sleep on the bed and I am taking the sofa. If you are uncomfortable, I will leave the room too and sleep outside. But please don't cry anymore. Please. Don't punish yourself like this. It is me whom this retribution should be directed at. I am the one deserves all your hatred. "

Seher was choking on her sobs and trying very hard to restrain herself. Finally, getting a control on herself , she looked at him and In a voice devoid of all emotions, said, "What happened to you? Why have you become like this? Why and how did we reach here? Please tell me what did I do? What is my crime?? I am dying inside everyday. I don't know who I am any longer, who you are. I have no confidence left to even think for myself. I cannot sleep, breathe or even think normally anymore."

Hearing this, Yaman just hung his head in shame and in a voice struggling with emotions, he said, " There is something I should have talked to you about, long ago. I messed up everything and didn't trust you. What I have done to you is unforgivable. I don't deserve you Seher, I don't deserve you. "