A broken girl.
A persistent shadow.
A new light.
🧹
After having her heart broken, starting college is nothing like Y/N expected. She'd thought she was going to have the time of her life now that she'd reconciled with her two best friends and gotten...
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[7. Loss of time] ┕━━━━━━━✃━━━━━━━┙
It has been some time since I last felt like this.
My chest emptying out through the fleshy wound and leaving my inside feeling hollow. Somwhere, distantly, I know that there is nothing wrong with me physically. Even though it sometimes feels like there's something very wrong with me.
I have thought before that I prefer the numbness to the hurt, and that is true. When you don't feel anything at all... you don't feel anything at all.
But it never lasts.
There's a banging on the door.
I wonder if it's Sana, coming back. Wonder why she doesn't just unlock the door with her own key. Meaning she's either locked herself out, or it's not her at all.
I don't have the strength to get up. It's morning, or noon, or afternoon. The light shining through the window is bright, that much I know.
I'm still in the same clothes I wore to the supermarket, but it doesn't bother me. I just lie on my side on top of my duvet and listen to the thuds upon the dorm room's door.
It takes some time, but eventually the sound stops and the person must've gone on their way. The interruption sticks, though. It has broken through the thin film covering my mind, disrupting the silence of my head empty of thoughts. The vultures stir.
And suddenly, it all comes back.
I open the door to find Sana sitting on her bed, in the same spot I left her not even half an hour ago. She still hasn't finished painting her toenails, and have suspiciously put the polish away while in the middle of doing it.
She meets my cold gaze with confusion, and I faintly understand that she still doesn't think I know. She believes she's gotten away with it, despite Mark having left just now and I must've met him on the way up. Not that it matters, because I do know now.
She slowly realizes it.
And I am angry because people can't stop being so infuriatingly disloyal and dishonest. People you trust betray you after everything you've been through together, as if it didn't matter at all. They know how you feel and yet they ignore it, apologizing as if it isn't already too late. There is always a choice.
"Just admit it." My voice is like a shard of ice, pointed towards her heart, and a dark pit of my own opens up, reveals itself.
Do it. Hurt them back. It will feel so good.
Sana doesn't say anything, just stares up at me with widened eyes, the whites showing. Her face is full of surprise, but also with knowing. That she's fucked up.
