Starstruck: The Fallen Star

Chapter 1

        Logie and I had been talking for a looooooong time... Our friend Virgil introduced us after I moved in, and we'd only met in person twice before, buuuuut... I was kinda emotionally attached. Maybe more than I'd like to believe, but hey, what can you do?

        Logan was always super duper nice and we liked to roleplay together. I got so bored whenever he was at work, not having many other people to talk to. I mean, I had lots of things to do outside of roleplay, like robotics and school... But it just wasn't the same.

        I checked my phone often, waiting for him to finally say he was back. When he did, I, of course, had to leave momentarily. Just my luck. I groaned, walking to the dead spot in the high school. I'd been coming up to work on things, but it sucked that I could never get a signal. Even if I did, my coach didn't like us being on our phones when we should be focusing.

        Once I left, I made sure to let Logan know, and although I hate to admit it... I didn't know what to do. Annnnnd I didn't want to say anything either, because I felt bad about it. Logan's writing was always so amazing and interesting to read, he had such great ideas! Then there was me who got stuck all the time and blanked out on things.

        (...Stuck?) I swallowed, finally admitting to it.
     
        (Yeah...)

        (You can just say something, y'know? It's rude to make people wait.)

        (Sorry... I just don't like admitting it...)

        (Uh-huh...)

        (I am sorry, Lo...)

        (Sure you are.)

        (Why don't you believe me??)

        (Because this happens all the time!)

        (Sorry that I'm busy! I don't want to feel like a failure when all I do is get stuck!)

        (Just speak up sometimes, sheesh!)

        (I don't want to, okay??)

        (Look, just- I need to take a breath.)

        (Fine...)

        Internally, I didn't know how I was feeling. Panic, anger, sadness, everything, all at once. I was trying not to cry, knowing that if I did my parents would ask. I wasn't in the mood for explaining.

        I ended up taking a walk around the woods in my backyard, texting Virgil frantically.

        Help, I'm shaking and feel like I'm about to cry but I don't know what to do

         What the hell happened??

        I froze up, feeling like I shouldn't have even brought it up. It was my problem, not Virgil's, why should I be complaining to him about it? I hesitated, before insisting it was fine, and that he didn't need to worry about it anymore.

        Virgil, on the contrary, wasn't believing any of it. I chewed the inside of my cheek, finally explaining. Afterwards, Virgil helped calm me down, as Logan had suddenly sent an apology. I read over it, my hands still trembling.

        (Okay... so... I’m sorry I freaked. It was an extreme overreaction, one that I usually try to avoid. Things just... build up for me after a while, and it’s always something small and stupid that ends up being the tipping point. When I tell you that I’m not a great person, I mean it. I have a horrible temper and zero empathy for anyone. I just... don’t have much human contact. Even before the quarantine, it was always school, church, work. Nothing else. I never had anywhere to go, anything to do, or anyone to do it with. Maybe... maybe I’m a bit jealous of you. You’ve always had stuff like Virgil to hang out with and robotics, which I know you love. I... don’t. What I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I won’t let it.)

        Logan said he'd have to go for a little while longer, leaving me alone with time to put together my thoughts. With the help of Virgil, I managed to put something together I found decent.

         (To be honest, I'm kinda jealous of you, too. You've always been really smart, and really good at writing, and I don't care what you say, you're a good person in my eyes. I just struggle to see the bad in people. That's one of my biggest faults. You, however, seem to notice it right away. And I wish I could be able to have just a little of that. Be able to protect myself from people. Yeah, I'm social. Yeah, I'm around people a lot. But the only reason I am is because I'm scared to NOT be around people. I'm terrified to be alone. I... I've wanted to say this for a while. I've known it for a while. But I know I shouldn't. I know it's not right. But... I love you. And I mean it. When you and Remy would flirt in the MHA rp, and joke about sex and stuff, all I could feel was empty. I tried to brush it off, but I couldn't. I can't. And whenever you talk about being depressed or say something about wanting to die, the emotions I feel, I just... I can't explain them. And I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner about being stuck while roleplaying. I'll try my best to be better.)

        I dropped my phone onto my bed, burying my face into my hands. After admitting my feelings, I just... Panicked. More so than before. I didn't want to ruin this friendship, but a part of me- the part of me that fell in love with Logan- just craved something else... A deeper, more meaningful relationship.

        When Logan responded, I could barely get myself to open the message and read it while my heart pounded.

        (You don’t have to be better. That’s the thing about you; you let your Morality guide you. You’re patient, forgiving, and kind. I shun my Morality. I’m impatient, never forget anything anyone’s done to me, and I’m not gonna lie, I let myself get jealous too easy. And that makes me a serious bitch. I joke a lot about sex and stuff because in my house, it kind of is nothing but a joke. And love... when it comes to me, it’s tricky. I’m at the point of “Am I attracted to them or am I just so desperate for attention and relationships that I’ll take anyone who’ll have me?” I don’t really know who I love and who I don’t anymore. And I know all too well about athazagoraphobia. It’s my most major phobia, too. And that’s why I get jealous easy. I see other people who have social interaction without even trying. So please, don’t apologize. I’m the one who can’t control herself here. You’re doing great, and I know you always will.)

        I sighed, typing slowly.

        (So... You don't know how you feel?)

         (I never know how I feel about anything anymore. But... Maybe... If it makes all the difference... Maybe... We could go out sometime?)

        I could feel my face flush, and my heart skip a beat.

         (Oh. Sure.)

        It made a much bigger difference than I could have ever expected...

(ACK, NOW I'M SUPER EXCITED TO WRITE THISSSSS! GO CHECK IT OUT FROM MY SO'S PERSPECTIVE, SHE HAS A BUNCH OF OTHER FANFICS AND ONESHOTS ON THERE TOO, IT'S GREAT! I'll PUT A LINK IN MY ANNOUNCEMENTS!)