꒰ written by @moviehyuns ꒱
—————
sometimes having a crush isn't just butterflies when you see them and whenever they are around you want to be near them and create stronger bonds with them. at times it may be scary and full of stress, when you see them you get nervous and want to stay away. that's how you are feeling right now.
lee heeseung, best friend since young and crush since you both moved to the same high school together. you've been wanting to make the first move for ages now but how heeseung acts doesn't seem like you can. he's everywhere with so many different people but he always comes to you when there isn't a crowd. just as it is, you guys were best friends.
"heeddeung!", you loved calling him that and have forever been calling him that. "y/n, what did i say about calling me that in public?", his arms were spread wide ready to catch you as you were charging towards him for a hug.
everyone would think you two were dating, you wished that you were but for heeseung, you knew it couldn't happen. it wasn't because he didn't want to date anyone or because he didn't like you, there was just someone else that would take first place...
it was something that kept bothering you since the start of high school, she took her first approach to him and pretty much changed everything about him. his "ideal girl" he would always say when he saw her. the two of you were friends but not too close, you chose not to be because by the time you would want to confess, she'd be there and already his. that day, you wanted to take your chance making sure she isn't there first and following you two.
"heeseung, do you have time after school today?", you faced him as you kept walking. his eyes were shining in the sunlight and his hair was perfectly done even though he hadn't done much to it. "hmm, no? i don't think i do so yeah, i have time... why do you ask?", he made eye contact with you and your heart started pumping.
i just want to take my chance, but i can't tell you till that time, after school, comes...
"nothing, i just want to have some time with you after the long day...", you smiled looking at the ground. "we always see each other though but sure!". the gap between you two got wider as you parted ways walking into the school.
he was probably just saying that because he wanted to see her and take a break from me.
- after school -
you were tired, exhausted just all words that have the same meaning for "tired", physically and mentally. she was in school today and all the countless times you spotted the two together all you could do was walk away. when heeseung saw you from across the corridors or playground, you had to smile but did it really mean anything to you?
you were waiting outside the entrance for heeseung to just appear alone. minutes were passing and by thirty minutes in he was out. he was smiling and walking slow with her by his side. jealousy building up inside you but you had no choice to walk up to them and "politely" drag heeseung away to finally get to what you wanted to say all these years.
"oh- y/n! you haven't spoken to me all day, how have you been?", your "friend" spotted you first before he could. "i've been okay... but could've been better.", you threw in a fake laugh after like you always do, to the point no one realises it's ever fake. "heeseung, you coming? we should go now...", you put a hand on his shoulder.
you could see at the corner of your eye she was staring at the contact of your hand and his shoulder, she sure had to be jealous but did she ever know he's been ready for her? "oh yes, right. bye (y/f/n)! we can catch up tomorrow...", he waved at her but you kept looking straight to where you were walking.
"you okay, y/n? your energy isn't the same as this morning...", you were glad he asked meaning that he noticed and he took your hand into his but you weren't feeling it today, you let go of his hand and put it into your pocket.
you stopped walking for a second. "heeseung, can i ask you this question without being awfully jealous after?", you locked eyes with him, his face was relaxed and nothing was lit up anymore. "wh- what do you mean? is it about (y/f/n)?", he asked. again, he mentions her name and you were ready to burst.
"so you finally found out, thank you. i know you like her but it seems to me that i can't handle it how much i try avoid the two of you together...", tears were ready to flow out your eyes. he kept walking in closer to you to hug you but you kept backing off. all you wanted was his words. "y/n, please don't start this here...", he sighed as he tried to calm you down.
"for so long i've seen you more than a best friend to me but you were so focussed on her... it's her name over mine that you would turn around to, isn't it?", you were at your last now and he knew exactly what you were trying to get to. "you can't make me choose between you and her, y/n.", he was being serious now but it had no effect on you.
"why? because you would choose her, wouldn't you?", your voice turned down a bit and you were now crying. he looked down and stayed silent for a few seconds to make you think as if he was thinking about his decision but even if he lied or told the truth, you were going to leave.
he nodded and said his final response. "yeah, i would choose her... i'm sorry, y/n. i love you...", you laughed. "sure, as if it would mean the same thing if you said the same to her... bye, heeseung.", you looked into his eyes before leaving. he was also crying, he had nothing else to say. you were on the move and not even one last shout for you to come back. it was over.
you were his second choice, he was in last place.
