P.S. I Love You (Sequel to P.S. I Miss You) {SLOW UPDATES}

The Aftermath

"Dude. You need to eat." Ashton told Mikey.

"I'm not hungry." Michael said.

"You haven't eaten in two days. Michael at least eat an apple. Come on," Ashton tried to persuade the blonde.

"I said I'm not hungry, Ash!" Michael roared, sitting up from his spot on the couch.

Ashton stayed quiet and watched his best friend leave the room. Calum was in the bathroom doing who knows what. And Ash was alone. He was alone. Again. As usual.

Michael wasn't eating. Ashton wasn't sleeping. And Calum... he was hurting. More specifically. He was hurting himself.

He'd go into the bathroom and cry. The tears that fell from his eyes left stains on his cheeks. But, that was nothing compared to the pain that he was feeling. The pain that reminded him of their loss. And he couldn't take it anymore. That's why he did it. He wanted to die. He wanted to leave. But, he knew that he couldn't do that. Not to them. Not now. Not ever.

So you see, the boys were barely holding themselves together. They were alive but, they were barely breathing. And even when they were, their breaths were shattered and broken. Just like their hearts.

It was June 8th 2015. The boys had their managers tell the world that because of recent events, they needed a break. And so they called off their big tour obviously because they had lost their lead singer and guitarist. It had been almost two years and neither of them could bare to touch their beloved instruments. Let alone, to mutter even the softest note. And they no longer listened to music. They couldn't listen to anything because it reminded them of her. It reminded them of him. They couldn't handle it.

The band and the boys in it, were falling apart. Nobody could do anything for them. They avoided the streets. They tried to avoid all social media. But, that was nearly impossible. They tried to avoid certain things for everybody's sake.

You'd think that people would be supportive as they continued to struggle. But, people were selfish. They cared only about themselves.

Ash was the one who struggled the most with the social media. He was no longer happy at all. Nothing could manage to put a smile on his face. In fact, he started to relapse. All because of them. They were supposed to help them through the tough times. They were their fans after all. Why couldn't they understand that they needed time to grieve?

@5SOSLover why can't they just get over it already? I mean yeah I miss Luke but, what about the music?

@Cal-Pal2013 what was the big deal? She was his girlfriend. It wasn't like she was a part of the band anyway.

@5SOSGroupie4Ever have you seen them? They all look sick. Why did she have to be selfish and kill herself?

@MusicisLife they all look like they are on drugs. How long do you think it will take before they all keel over from exhaustion and die?

Their words hurt. And they were supposed to be fans. Weren't they even remotely worried about them? Even if they had to fake it, they could show at least a little bit of concern for them? Right?

Isn't that what they were there for? To help them? To let them know that they cared? But, no. They only put them down. All they cared about was the music. And now that they weren't making any, the fans were furious. But, it wasn't about the fans right now. It was about them and their well being.

The boys were breaking. Luke was the glue that held them all together. He was the one that started the band. Him and Michael were the ones that made it happen in the first place. Luke was the lead. He was funny, awkward, and quiet. And when he found Andy, it was like everything was right in the world. Everything was perfect. They were together. They were doing what they loved. Except, that was before. That was before the accident.

"Calum?" Ashton called from outside the bathroom.

Calum sat in the bathroom. He was curled into a ball, tears falling from his eyes. The pain was too much. He couldn't cope. None of them could cope. His arms were bruised. They were cut and the blood was slowly dripping to the floor of the shower.

This was what he wanted. This was what he had to do. He couldn't live with the pain of it all. He couldn't bear it. Nobody understood. They would never understand. Luke was like a brother to him and in a flash he was ripped from his arms. And it was his fault.

If he hadn't called Luke that night. If he hadn't texted him that message. It was only three words. It was only three words and they had cost his best friend his life. Those three words were more important than paying attention to the road. Three words.

Calum felt guilty. He knew he was the cause of Luke's death. After the accident he could barely look Andy in the eyes. He could barely look any of them in the eyes. What would they think if he told them the truth? He knew that if he told them, they would hate him forever. They would hate him more than he hated himself. If that was even possible. He couldn't lose them too. Not now. Not when everything was falling apart.

"Cal? Are you okay?" Ashton's voice drifted to Cal, echoing around the small room.

He didn't say anything. He couldn't say anything. He said nothing because his body was overcome with pain. Sobs tore through his throat. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Blood dripped to the floor. His heart clenched in agony. And his breath was severed from his lungs.

"Calum. What are you doing in there?" The door jiggled. Thankfully Calum was smart enough to lock the door. He didn't want them to see him like this. Not now. Not ever.

And then the door was pushed open.

Ashton and Michael stood in the doorway, their eyes widened in fear. They took in the mess before them. Tears brimmed in their eyes as they saw what was happening. They finally understood why Calum was locked away. Why he always locked himself away these days. Shouldn't they have known? Shouldn't they have seen this coming? Shouldn't they have been looking out for their friend?

"Oh Cal," Michael whispered.

The two boys wandered forward, ready to embrace the boy in their arms. But, Calum didn't want that. No. He didn't want their pity. He didn't want them to cry. He didn't want them to look at him like he was a psychopath. No. Not his best friends.

"Don't touch me," He whispered.

They ignored him and wrapped their fingers around his torso, pulling him from the floor. Calum squirmed wanting them to leave. He wanted them to let him go. He didn't want this. He didn't need it.

"No! Let me go! No! Can't you see? It's all my fault! It's my fault he's gone. It's because of me." Calum screamed at them. "He's gone. He's gone. And it's all because of me." He whispered.

Ashton and Michael didn't say anything. They just hugged each other and they cried. It was all too much. It was all too much for the three of them to handle. And that was why they were taking a leave of absence.

It was because they weren't okay. And you couldn't expect them to be okay. Because they weren't. And they probably never would be. Because they had lost two very important people. And that wasn't just something you could get over. No. They needed time alone. And what better way to spend it than with each other? Because they were sharing the pain. They were all the other had.

Luke Hemmings was gone.

Andy Reynolds was dead.

Michael Clifford was turning anorexic.

Ashton Irwin was relapsing.

Calum Hood was grieving.

They were lost. They were breaking. And nothing---nobody--- could help them. Their pieces were scattered in the wind and they couldn't get them back. They were alone. They were hurt. And nobody could ever understand why.

The boys were wandering because they had lost their compass.

Luke Hemmings and Andy Reynolds were gone.

And the world wasn't ready for that kind of devastation.