MIND CLOUDS

WORDS AND DAGGERS 2

Date: 17.03.21

Thoughts:

After talking about how words hurt you so much in my previous post. A lot of questions were raised that i would like to answer here

1. How to control yourself from saying something harsh when you are hurt or angry?

This is something we all do right. We all have a human nature to push people away when we are angry. The problem is in the society for this. Especially boys i feel suffer here. Crying is considered to be a sign of being weak and thats why more than girls it's generally boys who push people away when they tend to comfort them as they are grown up hearing "to be a man" or "to be strong."

How to solve this issue? Even I was a person who pushed people away as i needed my space when I was angry. But when you do it you dont realise then because your mind is clearly angry but when someone very close to you just yells at you when you are just trying to comfort them, thats when you realise. Me and my elder cousin had a very close bond but I was usually very emotional person so I used to yell at him whenever I was angry. He was clearly hurt and when he did the same to me, my mind couldn't help but feel bad for all those times when I had yelled at him.

This change isnt easy. For a person like me who is a overthinker, I would suggest you to not push people away. You can stay alone and take your time, cry your heart out because not everyone needs comfort, even I like to stay alone to clear my mind but then when you feel a tiny bit better just go over to the people who came to comfort you, give them a hug and speak your thoughts to them and let them explain it to you. A third person's perspective will change your mind sometimes.

If you dont want them to come near you when you know you will lose it then just tell them simply to "please leave me alone for a while, i will come a little while later to talk but right now i wanna be alone please". Use the word please, they will understand if they still dont then say "i dont wanna say something i will regret right now so please give me some space"

Another way you can stop yourself from saying harsh stuff is by keeping yourself on their position. If they were you and you were them, would you be okay to hear what you are just gonna say to the other person? Is the answer is no then dont say it, if the answer is yes then go ahead. If you think you have the tolerance towards someone's harsh words, remember that everyone doesnt. They will not come to you next time to comfort you.

If someone still doesn't understand you need space, silence is also the best answer. When my relatives keep pestering me, i just get up from there. Because atleast thats better than saying something which you will regret and they will make a joke of to remind you for the rest of your life. Come back when you are calm and just apologise for leaving all of a sudden.  I have done this so many times like god! And trust me it works.

2. How to let your anger out without hurting yourself or others?

Also another way, everyone has different methods of
coping. Some need comfort and some dont. We all are different and they different way of letting our anger out. I usually do the following:

🌸Listen to music
🌸Dance
🌸Speak my thoughts out
🌸Go out for some fresh air, walk
🌸Write it down on a paper and the tear it apart

Do tell me if you do any of these or follow something else as well. Now then when you calm down just go out and chill with your fam and if they keep asking about it just simply yet politely say "i dont wanna talk about it right now"

3. Question yourself!

Now i dont mean this in a negative light. But if the harm is done, apologise. Even though it wont things much better but atleast you realised your mistake: THAT YOU WONT REPEAT IT AGAIN. Sometimes when i have my outbursts, i like to reflect on it the next day because i want to know myself what i had said was wrong.

Question your actions and words. Try to control those "slip of tongue". Think of something that keeps you happy and try to supress the thought. But no matter how sad or hurt you are: JUST GO
TALK TO SOMEONE YOU TRUST WHEN YOU FEEL BETTER! DONT KEEP IT INSIDE YOU PLEASE BECAUSE THE OUTBURST THAT WILL CAUSE WILL BE MASSIVE! Always try to speak your thoughts and let people you can trust know your thought. This will keep you sane trust me orelse overthinking will kill you internally

I hope I answered the questions that came up from the previous post. Dm me if you still have doubts i would love to clarify. Comment your thoughts on the various tips and paragraphs.