My Letter To You. : To All the Boys I've Loved Entry.

The death of an era

Time.

Time changes a person.

Sometimes for the better and others...well that's what happened with you.

I thought I loved you, which was mistake number one. 

Mistake number two was ignoring all the red flags, like you going through girls like they were nothing but entertainment to you.

Mistake number three was not realizing that when my friend, who dated you, talked about how you always asked for sex, it wasn't a lie.

Your ego is so big, you pushed your best friend away. 

For a whole year.

Your mother, who works at the school gives you special treatment, all the time.

Like producing your written play, when we could've done Little Shop of Horrors.

The way you treat people makes me wonder what I ever saw in you.

Maybe it was my pure innocence of never having a boyfriend.

Maybe it was my ignorance thinking you could, and were, a better person.

Maybe I was blinded by your intellect.

No matter what I saw, it's gone. Disapparated like rain on a window, on a hot, humid summer day. 

I believe all the good if there ever was any, is gone.

The things I admired you for, gone.

The 'love' I felt for you, gone.

Do you remember the way you talked to me? The way you knew how to belittle me into thinking that I was a choice, an option for you?

Well, I'm done being an option. I want to be the only candidate. But not for you.

I didn't understand my worth back then, but now I know, the second we would've gotten together, I wouldn't have a future. At least not the one I wanted.

So yes I am glad. Glad you decided to show your true colors to the girls you dated. And I'm glad that they decided to share what you did and how you treated them.

It's been years and I have still have so much pent-up rage for you, yes, I hide it still today because I'd rather be the bigger person than be belittled like I was before. I felt as small as your willy wonka is.  

I don't love you.

I never have.

I hate you.

Yet, I forgive you. 

I forgive you because if I don't I can't move forward.

And finally, the end is here. The curtains are closing. And the day is ending. Just in time for another to begin to create itself.

Goodbye.