Kageyama's Cuts and Bruises | KageyHina angst

I'm sorry, Hinata

Kageyama POV:

Deep red slashes scatter my arms as small beads of red drip down my skin. The stinging is numbed by the pain of my internal suffering. Only a tiny bit of that agony can be released through the puncturing of my own skin. When will I be free? My hand uncontrollably takes the box cutter and digs another cut to add to the collection, each one reliving a tiny bit more pain. Stop. I don't want to. But it feels so fucking good. A tear frees itself from my eye and travels down my cheek. I'm sorry Hinata.

My eyes heavily lift open letting in the light of day. Footsteps stumble around downstairs. Fuck. My mum's late for work. What do I do? I can't sleep until she leaves or else I'll boil her blood even more. Every time she touches me, it's the only time I can feel the excruciating pain of my cuts. My bruises. The amount of damage I've done to myself. I hastily get in the shower, the hot water soothes the bruises but swells up the wounds. I throw on a hoodie to cover it all up while peaking around the corner from upstairs to see the kitchen. She's there. But she's turned around. This is my chance. I run as fast as I fucking can skipping two steps at a time. My bag dragged me down. Don't see me, don't hit me, please don't hit me. Please. I run as fast as I can to the front door. It feels like it's getting further and further away the closer I get. "Tobio Kageyama get ur fucking ass back here, you gay shit!" Her voice echoes through my head. I'm just a gay shit. Nevertheless, I slam the door behind me, dreading her touch. I need to get away and before I even tell my legs to move they're already in hyperdrive. My hoodie covering the scars and cuts makes me sweat buckets. The salt drips into my wounds burning a little but I can't focus on that. I need to get away. I need to get to Karasuno.

Finally after what felt like an hour, I got there. "Bakayama, why are you running? Are you okay?" he sends butterflies fluttering everywhere in my stomach. Hinata. I turn around and see hes in front of the gym waiting for the third year to open it. "Uh... hi boke!" Stop. I need to stop falling for a straight guy. If he ever found out... I don't know what he'd think of me. Would he... not want me anymore? "Why were you running? It's not like you were late or anything and why are you wearing a hoodie it's so hot right now." "Um... I was just getting warmed up before practice and I feel kinda cold so... yeah" I rub the back of my neck awkwardly. God that's such a lame excuse. Hinata doesn't say anything but his head tilts like a confused dog. Cute. "Anyways I'm gonna go get some milk." I need to get away now. "Okay" he shrugs. I walk to the vending machine as fast as I can without looking suspicious, grab a milk and drink it. My two favourite things. Hinata and milk. The tiny ball of sunshine's sitting outside the door watching me. God damn his eyes are so cute. While I walk back over I feel someone grab my arm from behind. The one with cuts all over it.

"Get the fuck back here you bitch!" My mum takes my arm and her sharp stiletto heels make painful contact with the back of my knees. My legs give up and I tumble over. The piercing pain sends shivers in my whole body.

"No! No! No! No! Don't hurt me. Not again please!" dry sobs escape my mouth. My voice cracking. "Woah, dude are you okay? I was just playing with you but... you're actually crying. You good?" Shit, that scared me so hard I thought my heart was gonna burst out of my mouth. It's just Tanaka. "Oh... hey dude... sorry you scared me. And no I'm not crying!" How the hell am I gonna get away with this. Tanaka doesn't look at all convinced but I guess he brushes it off. Everyone else arrives and training finally starts. I head into the changerooms and realise everyones gonna see the cuts, the scars. I go into a toilet cubicle and get changed in there. If they ever found out, they'd all think I'm a wimp, a pussy. Maybe I am.

"You fucking faggot. You're such a wimp!" my dad's words digging deeper into me than any box cutter could. His arms squeezing down on the bruises as I whimper in pain. But he doesn't care. He throws me aside like an old rag. "I never wanna see your face again."

All my sets were weaker than they usually are and my stamina was lower than ever. I stall and wait until I think everyone is gone and head to the changerooms. I open the door. Noya's legs are wrapped around Asahi's waist, his arms wrapped around his neck as their lips passionately interlock. Each one melting into each other's embrace. They see me and they quickly let go of each other and Asahi clumsily puts Nishinoya on the ground. "Um... I can explain." Asahi quickly says. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you guys. I'll just go home and get changed.'' I can feel my face heating up. Fuck. This is so awkward. "Just don't tell anyone. We aren't ready to tell them." Noya asks, also blushing profusely. "Of course I won't, you guys can whenever you guys feel ready." A weird silence fills the room. "Bye." I quickly say, running out of the room before they can say anything back." Thank fuck my mums not home yet. I rush to my room, the everlasting presence of my mum chases me up the stairs as I pick up the pace and desperately run from the mere thought of her. My body melts into the sheets. The cold linen slowly warms up from my body heat. I go downstairs to get milk to drink. We're all out. I run to Ukai-Sensei's store and grab a few packs. I run as fast as I can with the hope that my mum doesn't come home and is unfortunately greeted with my absence. "Hey coach, I just need to get some milk." I quickly say to him, rushing through the door. I take a few packs and quickly get to the counter where he scans them excruciatingly slowly. "Are you feeling ill Kageyama, your sets seemed a bit off today?" he asks, shattering the silence. I start to heat up and my heart starts pounding. What the fuck do I say? "Um, yeah I just felt a bit off today but I'm feeling better now, though. I came to get the milk cause it helps cheer me up a bit." He's not gonna believe that for a second. Since when do I talk about feelings? "Okay, then." he's looking down but his eyes look at me every now and then. Finally I throw the cash at him and tell him to keep the change. My phone chimes as my soul leaves my body leaving it weakly swaying in the cool night wind.

Mum: get the fuck home right now. You deserve to be beaten more than ever today for leaving the house. 

It's too late.