Short Stories

LOST AMBITION - Dance

I'm finally alone, I realize as I glance around the dance room. It's so silent, it is just like saying "silent as a grave." That kind of creepy silence. I walk over to the speaker and connect my phone to it. I have a solo coming up and I need to practice and get it right.

Ever since I could remember I've been doing dance, it has and always will bring me peace and serenity. Without it, I just simply wouldn't be here. My mom was the one who introduced dance to me. She was a dancer when she was a young girl. She never got to pursue it as more than a hobby, but I want to. I don't necessarily know what I want to do with my life, but as long as it revolves around dance I will live a happy life.

I open up Spotify and go to the search bar. For my solo I will be dancing to Flashback by Zach Hood. My coach wanted me to do a song that reminds me of myself. Something that connects to me so I could show emotion. I picked this song because I went through a break up a few months ago. I'm over him, but I can't get the connection we had from my mind. It also reminds me of my parents in a way.

I get into position and press play, gently sliding my phone across the room.

Lifting my arms in the air, forming a circle and standing on my tippy toes, I wait for my cue to begin.

I thought mom and dad were 'supposed to last forever

My arms straighten out

like they promised at the altar in Alabama.

I twirl around

They were young, in love, and didn't know any better.

Running across the room I prepare for the jump

Yeah,

I leapt through the air,

They planned to start a family there together.

But I didn't stick the landing, instead I fell to the floor.

Things, they changed when you walked away,

you left me wondering if you ever cared.

I wish you stayed but I'll be okay

'cause I learned from you that life's not always fair

I get up and pause the music. I have to get this right. It's what mom would want. My mother passed away when I was 7, it's been 10 years but yet still feels like yesterday. I feel connected to her when dancing. I wish I got to know her more. Looking over her dance tapes, her jumps were flawless; she could have taught me them.

I walk across the studio and pick up my phone. I play one of the many jumps she did. This one I want to recreate, her back was arched so elegantly as she flew across the stage, she looked so at peace. She looked like a swan, graceful.

The stress of the competition is starting to get to me. Even after a few weeks of practicing, I still have nerves about the whole thing. Today, I am going to be performing my solo in front of hundreds of people. I think I've pretty much nailed the jump, non the less it's still scary. I got this though. If I do end up falling, I will get back up and continue with the dance; act like nothing happened.

I get on the bus and see all my dance teammates bouncing in their seats. This was a big deal, our first competition of the year, no pressure.

"Omg Deja! Are you excited for your solo," asked Precious, my best friend.

"I think I practiced enough," I shrug.

"Oh stop being so humble, you're going to crush this competition. I swear!"

"Thank cici," she always makes me smile.

After a four hour long bus ride we finally arrive at the auditorium where the competition is being held. We all rush off the bus with our bags, excited to see what it looks like and excited to get ready.

A lady comes out of the building and introduces herself to our coach, telling us to follow her. We enter the auditorium and she leads us to a room where we can get into our suits. After getting ready and watching the other dancers dance, it was finally my time to do my solo.

"Solo act number 4: Deja Johnson. Song Flashback by Zach Hood."

I get into position, lifting my arms in the air, forming a circle, I wait for my cue.

I though mom and dad were 'supposed to last forever

My arms fall horizontally, straight out.

like they promised at the altar in Alabama.

I then lift my leg into a triangle, arching my back and twirling

They were young, in love, and didn't know any better.

I start running across the stage, feeling my adrenaline picking up as I prepare myself for the jump

Yeah,

I leapt through the air, feeling my hair fly, I got this, I got this, I got this

They planned to start a family there together.

But I didn't, I stumble a little when I land, at least it wasn't a fall

Things, they changed when you walked away,

Keep smiling, keep dancing

you left me wondering if you ever cared.

I drop to my knees, brushing the ground with my hands

I wish you stayed but I'll be okay

I fall onto my back, arching it in the air

'cause I learned from you that life's not always fair

Rolling over I stand up and go on with the rest of the dance.

When the song is finally over and I get off the stage I immediately bee-line to the bathroom. I failed my mother. If I can't do a simple jump that she's done millions of times effortlessly, what makes me think I can pursue dance into something more than just a hobby? I will never make it into the dance industry, I'm simply not good enough.

As soon as it is time to go home, I am relieved. I can finally go to bed. I didn't even get top three for the solos, I got sixth place. How embarrassing... I can't believe I failed. I crawl into bed, and the only thing I can think of is, I'm finally alone.