It was still pitch black when I woke up, deep in the night. Seven past one to be exact. As I was opening my eyes, the darkness in my room got heavier and heavier. I felt as if it was increasingly difficult to breathe. As if I was suffocating. The strangling grasp of shadows occupied my attention, so I only noticed after a few minutes of shivering, that I was freezing cold. Even with the light, warm summer breeze slipping in through my window. The temperature must not have been the reason. Then I finally realized that it's caused by my sweat. The only time this happens to me is when I have a very rough night.
I had to save myself from the chills, so I got up, even though it was the middle of the night, and I decided to try to remember what happened during the time I was asleep while bathing.
I had one of those dreams again, that much was not hard to ascertain. This one is the third in a row. I only managed to continue one of my dreams once in my entire lifetime, and that was pretty much on purpose. And even then, I had to be thinking about that dream for most of the time I was awake.
Maybe that's what happened. I kept thinking about Nico, and him showing up day after day, so it wouldn't be that surprising if it continued. But both times it took completely different directions. And the time didn't seem to match either.
I was getting progressively more awake, sitting in the warm water. With that, my brain started working faster too.
It's also strange that I remember so much of it. It is not impossible, but it has never been this crystal clear. Except the end of it. The more I try to think about that, the darker it gets. I think... I might have died. If that is even possible in your dream. It is also made harder by the fact that if I try to visualize the foggy part, I become overwhelmed with fear and panic, and even in the bath, I feel like being stabbed by icicles. Almost as if it was a nightmare.
I decided not to focus on this disturbingly undiscovered aspect of my special dreams, rather try to review it, in hopes of finding useful information.
Right off the bat, I had something to focus on. The red cereal. It appeared in there, and it also behaved how I expected it to in real life.
This means that I can influence these dreams if I want to, but I don't know enough to determine whether it's going to be useful or not.
Luckily, I also managed to have a bit longer talk with Nico. At least now I know what was the original root of the confusion one dream back.
Although reconsidering now, no, that's not true. I wish I did, but there are just so many things unanswered. He said he didn't mean bad, and he misinformed me, because apparently that's what he had to do. "Just knew it somehow" is what he said. Like when I start dreaming? When I'm immediately in a situation, and I know the context? That seems like the only thing he could have ment. And I definitely didn't experience this except in dreams -and hopefully it will remain like that- so that's the only way for me to be familiar with it.
By now it feels a little like I'm overthinking, and I should probably focus on getting ready. I am travelling to France today to meet Jérémy, and then from there, all the way to the Czech republic. Maybe I should see if I got any message from him recently.
So I went ahead, left the bathroom, ran back in there, because I forgot my bathrobe, and the apartment was surprisingly cold for summer, left again and switched on my laptop.
Sure enough, I had an email from him waiting for me -to my surprise- for two days now. It wasn't too long, but very unfortunate.
-Hello Zack. Looks like the place we wanted to go to is closed now, due to the situation. I know you wanted to do the three days programme, so I tried my best to find another one, but there won't be any, until early September. You could still pay me a visit, but I recommend you don't use up all the money on tickets now.
Either way, stay safe out there.
Your brother through blood and plastic,
Jérémy.
I was really looking forward to that fight, and I thought they wouldn't close, since they provide mostly for outside activity. Of course it's understandable with 'rona over our heads, but it's still sad.
The bigger problem now is that I moved everything around, so now I don't have anything to do for these three days.
I went and made myself a cup of tee, and I decided to go out and sit under the stars for a little bit.
So I threw on a sweater to combat the cold, and went out to the balcony.
It was a rather pleasant night, although I was pretty naive to assume that the stars would be out today. The city lights were overshining them down here. Still, the wind was blowing lightly, and it even got a bit warmer than before, so I stayed. But I wanted to see what it would look like after all these years. The night sky in all it's glory. And I wanted to show people, to let them see the beautiful entire new world above their heads. So I decided to paint. I set up my canvas there, on the balcony, and I just went ahead, and started. I made the city, but it was nothing like itself. For a change it wasn't lively, and well lit, but quiet and as dark as its own shadow. I made the sky greyish, with a drop of blue, and only a single bit brighter than the silhouette of Detroit below. I had a great plan. I wanted to reverse how this place usually looks. So I looked over the railing, onto the sight I was painting, and slid all the lit windows up to the sky, to make them light the nights even when there are no stars around.
I didn't look at my clock at all, and before I realized, the sun was coming up, and my model started to slowly transfer into it's regular, well-known grayness.
I started packing my stuff, but probably made enough noise to wake up the neighbours, because not long after Amy showed up too.
-Good morning.
-Morning Zackary.
-You're just messing with me, right?
-What are you up to so early?
-Oh, I just... came out for some fresh air.
-Uhhuh. And all that over there?- she turned to my canvas still standing on the edge of the balcony.
-Well, I've been painting some too.
-I haven't seen this one yet. New piece?
-You could say that.
-And if I'm not mistaken, you did this all just now, with your fresh air.
-Okay, not exactly.
-I figured. What's going on with ya, kid?
-I just woke up in the middle of the night, and... couldn't fall back asleep, so I decided to spend my time with something useful at least.
-Look, whatever works for you, but you seem to be awake every time I check around the block, no matter what time it is. So, anyway, is this also going to that um... exhibition of yours?
-I guess so.
-Look, I really think you should open that.
-I don't know, I really should get some more paintings done before-
-Who cares if you only have about twenty pictures to put on display? They are good enough to carry the event on their own. If you need an assured audience, I'll be there too.
-Thank you Amy.
-Yeah, yeah, sure thing. Just be able to pay the rent. I don't want some rascal moving in in your stead.
-Alright, I'll do it.
-That's the spirit. Now go, get to planning. You can't spend another day, sitting around, bored. It's going to turn you into a zombie.
-You have a good day too.
I took her advice, and started looking around for available galleries. I had to make it as cheap as possible, not just because I was broke, but I had to keep in mind the virus outside, and its effects on visitor numbers. I spent about an hour looking for suitable places, and another half, trying to calculate the best option. I settled on one that was relatively close, and had vast open areas, allowing for easy and effective air circulation, which really comes in handy during these times. All I had to do was decide on a date. It was reserved for the current two weeks already, and I had not many reasons to wait any longer. I am going to hold a three day exhibition there the week after the next one.
Since I had managed the entire thing, but I didn't want to start doing nothing again, I decided to walk down there, and see the place for myself in real life too. It's considerably far when one walks, but I didn't mind. The weather was just like yesterday, sunny, but not too warm. The best it could have been.
While I was occupied with planning, I didn't even realize how worried and excited I was about the whole event.
I have been on some trough my life, but I never got to know how exactly this is done. And I taught myself a short speech if necessary, but I was already afraid to read it out loud at home. Of course I decided to practise it as many times as I can, and I'll have plenty of time, I just really hope this nervousness goes away.
On the other hand, I never thought it would happen so soon. It's a real shame I can't show it to the family. But as long as they are safe, I'm not that concerned about this.
The road took even longer than I imagined, and it was almost noon when I arrived. I didn't want to go in, but I was relieved to see that the place looks mostly as good as in the pictures. Plus I found a perfect little hole to peak through in one of the windows.
I didn't intend to hang around for long, and a lot of time had passed already, so I quickly turned around, and went home. Nearing my apartment, I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything the entire day, so I ordered some food just before I got there.
It came pretty quickly, and the courier guy was rather nice, so I only had to call Amanda over, and we had a great rest of the day.
