nothings ever good enough// an iann dior story

5// untitled

2 days later

I close the laptop and smile. 

"The song's done." I say, quietly to myself first, then more loudly to the rest of the people in the room.

Luca nods his head. Is that a smile I see(?), the corners of his usually stern mouth perking up for a split second before his face settles into his usual indifferent expression. "Yeah, it is. The label doesn't want us to release anything for a couple months though. It could hurt how well your album does on the charts and stuff." 

"I don't give a fuck what the label says." I answer. "This song doesn't have to be part of another project, or my next album, or whatever. I wanna give something to my fans, to kinda tide them over until my next body of work drops. It could be a while, maybe a year or more."

Luca sighs. I may be shy and soft- spoken, but I know what I want when it comes to my music. No one can take that away from me. "Okay. I'll set up a meeting with the label. Hopefully they agree. But you know how they are."

I do. They delayed my debut mixtape a whole month, for reasons I still don't understand. But I've been with them long enough- 2 whole years- that they should take me seriously. They have to. 

Just then my phone buzzes. I stretch my arms and legs. My feet are completely numb, and I groan as I shake them, that awful tingly sensation spreading all over.  

I reach for my phone and see two texts. One from iann, and one from Sofia.

As usual, I put off iann as much time as possible. Emotional stalling, maybe. I open Sofia's text first. 

Sofia 💕: idk if ur done at the studio but im here

Y/N ❤: bitch you have to stop pulling up whenever ur bored

Sofia 💕: no thanks :)

Y/N ❤: u here yet? im done actually was gonna go home

Sofia  💕: im parking rn

Y/N ❤: ill meet you outside

Sofia 💕: ok

I say my goodbyes to Luca, the recording and mixing engineers, and all the songwriters. Everyone in this room I have to thank for my music being able to get out in the room. I trust them, mostly, save for one person.

As I put on my sunglasses and step outside, the glaring sun hitting my face, I feel Alison's demanding gaze burning into my back. I almost turn back to meet her challenge, but I remember to open iann's text.

My stomach begins to throb as I read his message.

iann :))): i'll see you soon

I type out a million replies that I never manage to send. 

"Y/N, I feel like I haven't seen you in like a fucking week!" Sofia walks towards me and we sit on the curb together. 

"I'm sorry Sof, I've been at the studio basically the whole day this week."

Save for 2 days ago, where I got so fucking drunk at Katarina and Laroi's house and ruined whatever iann and I had. And yesterday too, which was an absolute nightmare. I took off as early as possible, before Sofia woke up to go to her waitressing morning shift, and rode out the day in a café, my head throbbing so much I could barely stand up without the world spinning and my legs buckling. 

Yesterday was a shitty day, but I fear today might be even worse.

Because I have to face iann.