Circle Games
How are you feeling?
Every night the same question.
How am I feeling?
A dull, steady pounding against my skull
The screaming inside my head, searching for a way through the numbness
Wanting to feel
Wanting to cry
But the tears won’t come.
How am I feeling?
I feel nothing.
I’m fine.
You sure?
No
Yeah. I’m fine.
Silence.
She doesn’t believe me.
Why should she?
She tries again.
You promise you won’t tonight?
Too late.
I can’t help it.
The sharp pain pierces the numbness.
Cuts it away.
I can’t promise that.
Please?
She is begging now.
Pleading with me.
Too late.
Silence.
Oh.
Every night the same answer.
Quiet. Small. Hurt.
Silence.
What am I supposed to say?
I know she’s worried about me.
I know she’s there for me.
But she doesn’t understand how I feel.
She tries.
What’s wrong?
Every night the same question.
What’s wrong?
The same as always.
Everything.
Nothing. I’m fine now.
Every night it’s the same transparent lie.
Every night she sees through it.
Is it him?
Is it him?
It’s his silence.
No. It’s more than that.
It’s not just him. It’s everything.
I was on a slippery slope, unsteady and unsure.
He pushed me.
I lost my balance.
I don’t know.
Every night the same answer.
I don’t know.
Never changing.
Never moving.
The same lies and confusion.
We go around and around
The never ending
Circle games
