Notes: this is an imagined conversation between my lover and I. Names have been altered.
Me: I want to know what pleasure truly is before I die. So show me, Lake. Fuck me like an animal, like a beast, like a MONSTER. Come, don't you want to know what it feels like, too? To let go, for once to let instinct alone drive you. I'm going to kill myself. Nothing will change that course. So fuck me as a parting gift, hm?
Lake: Isn't it necrophilia, to make love to someone that is practically dead?
Me: Ah yes, I'm a dead man walking, aren't I? I don't think it is. And even if so, you've done worse, haven't you, my love? There is no reason to worry yourself over stupid moral details. We both know we are unbound from this world's morals and conventions.
Lake: But I love you. Don't die, Anouther. I can make things better for us, I just need some time...
Me: I don't have time, Lake. This is It. This is the moment, darling. This is the edge, this is the end! There is nothing you can do in the future that will change the right now. Right now I have no reason to continue living. You told me the present is all that matters. Well, here I am. Nothing in some hypothetical future will EVER be enough to change my death now.
Lake: I can do it now, then! You want me to take you away with me now? Fine, I will! Even though it's nonsensical, I'll do it. Just dont die on me, [nickname i cannot replicate].
Me: You're lying.
Lake: Don't you dare. You and I both know I am no liar when it comes to you.
Me: Maybe.
Lake: Listen to me!
Me: I'm listening. But right now that high drop appeals to me immeasurably, unlike this dull, sexless conversation.
Lake: You will not kill yourself. I won't let you.
Me: Why not, loverboy?
Lake: Because you are mine. And I love you. And I would sooner kill the rest of the universe than lose someone I love again.
Me: Hmm. Fine. But if you don't go through with taking me away and keeping me, I'm killing myself.
Lake: Don't threaten me.
Me: You? I'm threatening myself, silly Lakie!
Lake: For you, death is a mercy. You've been craving it, you've been craving what it is to let go. It is no threat to you. But for me, your death is unbearable pain.
Me: Touché. And nice observation on the me craving letting go, you've always been the only intelligent person around.
Lake: I will teach you what it is to let go. And you will never be allowed to die. Not as long as I am with you.
Me: Then come, Lake, teach me what it is to let go.
Lake: You don't have to tell me twice.
