Farewell Seattle, Jolene, and the man of my dreams

I could've sworn I heard him wrong over the phone.

Couldn't be, could it?

He wanted to get back together. Fucking hell Sam, get a grip...he's just a guy. Just a nerdy.. clumsy.. blubbering.. tech-obsessed... gullible... annoying.... disgustingly intelligent.... dreamy.... strong....... ugh this isn't working. Why am I even freaking out? When I asked if he wanted to get back together he changed the subject. He was probably just trying to gauge if I was over him or not. Clearly I'm not. Fucking Benson...yeah, yeah I should focus on that. I should focus on his name. His name is so ugly. Fredward......nope, not working. Not working one bit. I thought I was finally getting over that nub. Dangit how'd I let myself fall for a nub like Fredward Benson! Damn, it really is an ugly-ass name. You know, this is why they say you shouldn't give nice guys a chance. They're never actually nice, are they. They'll still break ya heart in the end.

I've gotta actually get my mind off of this somehow or I'll end up back in Troubled Waters at this rate. What was I even doing before that call? Stupid Benson, always getting me distracted somehow. Me. Nobody should have that kind of power over me; I'm Sam Puckett! I look soft but anyone who's known me for more than a couple minutes knows I'm tougher than most men.. and yes, that 1000% includes Freddie. I might've let him have his way with me back when we were together, but I could've easily beaten him down if I wanted to...not that I wanted to...fuck now I'm back to thinking about the night we broke up.

That night...if only that stupid, stupid boy had said the right thing. I just needed to hear something, anything, while we were in that elevator to make me not break up with him. After hearing Carly talk about how Spencer and that chick were bad for each other, I just knew I had to end things with him. I wasn't good enough for Freddie. Shit, I'm still not good enough for him, let's be real. I'm just plain ol' Samantha Puckett. I don't have good grades, or nice clothes, or a clean criminal record...Freddie has those things. He deserves someone who's at his level. God I sound so insecure, why is my brain so messed up. I'm acting like a little girl over some guy who doesn't actually want to get back together with me, and shit, why would he? Why would Freddie Benson want to get back together with Sam Puckett? He made himself pretty damn clear that night in the elevator.

That night he said we were fun. I might not give a flying fuck about school, but I'm not stupid. I know that when a guy says that he thinks you're fun, it just means he thinks you're a good time. It's sexual, and let's face it, that's all I'm probably ever gonna be good for, just like my mother. Sex. I learned it that night, and that's why I can't let myself love a man again, especially not Freddie Benson. He said we were fun, and then he said that if I were to get a little more normal we could be together again.

Wait a second...had I, in a way, become more normal?

Had Freddie in his little nerdy brain somehow come up with the idea that I was...normal? That I wasn't the same girl he broke up with a few months ago? No Sam, remember, you broke up with him. It was ultimately your decision to break things off with him. And you made the right choice. He told you he loved you, you admitted you loved him too, and then you two fucked. That's all it was. Sex. Him telling you he loved you was just a way to get you to have sex with him one last time. It was...incredible sex. Mind-blowing sex...I don't know if I'll ever have sex like that again in my life...shit.

"I love you, Samantha Puckett." Freddie said, tucking my unruly hair behind my ear. I blushed and smiled a little, and as I smiled he looked down at my lips and brushed my bottom lip lightly with his thumb. "Say it back, Puckett." he said in a semi-joking manner, kissing me this time.

"Maybe I need some convincing...you don't exactly have the sexiest name, 'Fredward'." I said with a giggle. He rolled his eyes before giving a disappointed glare, then flipped me over so that he was on top of me, hands pinned above my head. "Say it." he said, this time in a much-less joking voice.