"𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙙 𝙩𝙤𝙙𝙖𝙮."【- ｓｐａｍ ｂｏｏｋ】

[10]

i don't know why i try to make friends—i either push them away or get ghosted by a good majority of them. i know i'm not the best friend material but i try—yet whenever the fuck i take my mask off ( social mask ) they normally leave and i hate it because i know i wasn't enough.

i can't help that i infodump or i can't read the room but jesus christ it hurts when i'm there for everyone and they can get pissy with me but the minute i drop the act and start talking as myself which is pretty dry but flirtatious when it's not hyperfixation related they just disappear.

at this point i wish they'd just block me instead of ghost me so i can just move the fuck on instead of seeing them online for hours while waiting for a response..knowing once i get it, the response is gonna read off as 'stop fucking contacting me' and i know they have lives too along with other friends—and i don't have a problem with that..it's just when they're online for hours on end and i'm always the first to message

i'm greatful for the close friend i have..god i talk to her every day about our ocs but jesus christ—it's like i'm alone in a different realm when i try to make new friends..and it hurts because i think i'm making progress but i'm not.