Guide My Hand, Junko

"Tsumugi! Pay attention!"

"Hmmm?" Tsumugi turned a disinterested, disdainful eye towards her professor. He gave her quite the cold glare in return.

"Homework?" he asked impatiently, shoving his hand at her.

"Mmm." Keeping the same disinterested tone, Tsumugi casually shoved a paper right back at him before looking away once more. The man looked outraged by such blatant disrespect, but it was too late, Tsumugi was already lost in dreamland once again.

All around her, Tsumugi's other classmates gawked and whispered. Some were amused, some were annoyed, some were impressed, some were intimidated, some were astounded, but all were watching. Tsumugi had always been an oddity to them, just because she spent so much time in her own head. Maybe her body was always present, but her mind seldom was. Because of that, she was a mystery to most of them, and a very strange, quirky one at that. Sometimes she was entertaining though. For example, she wore glasses, but she had perfect vision. From what she said, it was because glasses were an anime thing, so that's why she wore them.

But was she ever even aware of it? Was she ever aware of how she came off to other people? Did she realize just how socially inept she was? She never seemed to deny it, but she certainly didn't seem bothered by it, or compelled to fix it. For example, she was utterly calm the day she told everyone about why she wore glasses. Didn't she hear their laughter? Maybe her ignorance was just that strong, a shield of bliss protecting her from all the whispers and snickers. Maybe some of them wanted to ask, wanted to know her better, but as noted before, she was never around long enough (mentally speaking), for that to be possible. If any of them had to diagnose her, they would say she was a maladaptive daydreamer.

As far as she was concerned, though, this was only because she took no interest or pleasure in the real, outside world. Life was boring and painful. The only topics that could put even a little pep in her step were anime, fanfiction, and cosplay. Quite obviously, all three of those topics still pertained to the wonderful world of fiction. She meant it when she said she had no other interests relating to reality. The world inside her head was so much nicer than the one outside, so what incentive did she have to participate in active society?

Well, she may not have realized it, but in actuality, she was poisoning herself, slowly killing herself. By spending an increasing amount of time in ideal worlds rather than realistic ones, she was distancing herself from life. She was subconsciously creating unrealistic expectations of how life ought to be. This, in turn, led to more disappointment. That, in turn, led to further distancing and isolation. It was a vicious cycle. She was chipping away at her sanity, her grasp on reality. By walking away from the world, she was walking away from humanity, her humanity.

ooo

As days slipped into weeks and weeks into months, her sanity slipped as well. Loneliness and social ineptitude were no longer her only, or biggest, problems. Obsession and mania were slipping in as well. Despair and delusion eroded away at her sense of morality as she became increasingly unhinged, clinging tighter and tighter to the perfect worlds that existed only in her mind.

"Ohhh, Despair, Despair, Despair!" She was practically drooling as she scrolled through years' worth of Danganronpa content. In particular, she idolized and "kinned" Junko Enoshima, the evil and brilliant ringleader and mastermind behind the entire franchise. She might've been the in-universe devil incarnate, but Tsumugi saw her as a god, the god who created her most beloved fandom: Danganronpa itself. Without Junko, there was no Despair or Danganronpa, so of course Tsumugi loved her more than any other DR character.

She was also just so crazy and evil and wild! She was witty, funny, and creative. She was such fun to watch and listen to! Brilliant and mad!

"Guide my hand, Junko! Help me feel alive and inspired again!" Tsumugi cried with an almost mad laugh as she sketched up yet another DR OC. She didn't just revel in the intensity Junko's antics. And it wasn't even just the clever satire that Junko's character represented that made Tsumugi fall so deeply in love. It was also the fact that Junko was the only one who could get her to feel much of anything anymore.