The Love Story of God & Me

Chapter One: My Identity

Just call me Phaul ...

I hate my name, my mom named me after a Bible prophet named Paul. She just added "H" into it to make it unique but for me it's really disgusting.

I'm the most naive person, not in the whole world but have many friends, cool isn't it?

I'm not Mr. popular, night and shining armor type, cute, bubbly guy in school. I'm just gifted with handsome genes (credit to my parents). I am not bragging about my handsomeness, but to be honest I am gifted with masculinity, James Dean glossy eyes, everyone says I'm a hear-throb but the truth is I make their heart sob. I am not a flirtatious type of guy, I don't usually court girls, girls court me haha!

I don't care what people think of me, I'm an unbeliever.I repeat, I'm an unbeliever.I don't have faith like most other people have.I may have the name of a prophet but I am not an Angel nor a Saint. I don't worship anything and pray. I am not an idiot to do that.

I don't get it why some people get bizarre when I tell them my true identity. I don't believe in Holy Spirit,Jesus, Heaven or Hell, most especially to what they call God. I have friends who argued me a lot about God and they act like morons, believing in a so called creation not fully proven to exist with lack of evidences and some tell me, read the Bible, like duh! the hell I care about God.Even the Bible has a lot of controversies, It is manmade and people just translated it into many ways.

Call me rude, but I love being labelled as one. I am not a hypocrite nor unpolite, I'm just being true to my self. Once I talk, some of my classmates back off, some hated me secretly in school and some remain as my true friends and friends even if they were believers or unbelievers.Sad to say I am studying in a Christian School.

May you be a believer or not, once I like you and once you jive in with my bunch of craziness and you don't press your beliefs on me, that's when the time I can categorize you and accept you as a friend. I just noticed that there are some religious people, religious nuts, out there who go to church on Sundays yet their attitudes are like lions, angel outside, devil inside (haha! the heck).I would prefer to befriend people who are not so religious yet they remain good to me and not harsh. Don't ever push your belief on me or else I will break your skull.

Sometimes when I get totally wrecked just because of shitty discussions about spirituality, beliefs, and religion, I just pissed people off . I can't stand on such worthless discussions. People should respect my opinion, I am entitled to freely express my self in this world.

I tell them my side of story, and they tell me I shouldn't blame God for everything. They don't know what happened to me. They don't know the real me.Sometimes when I visit social media, a lot wants to quarrel with me because of my crazy statuses and posts. The truth is I mock God and I am happy doing it, I'm happy seeing people get mad at me haha and a lot of haters, religious morons express their side ,telling me I am a dumb asshole. I really don't care about them, say what they wanted to say.I love to share what I thought, I love to post what I intended to post and I can do everything that I want.

I was nine when I saw my Dad kill my mom with a gun, where's God there? Then after that, I saw my Dad killing himself. I don't know what made Dad killed my mom, he threatened to kill me also but he shot himself instead. After that, I woke up one day with foster parents, I can say I develop a psychological trauma, I can't barely talk. My foster parent's did everything to heal me,to cure me but then I don't need any charity ward to save me.

I was eleven when I decided to left my foster parent's home. I lived on the streets, I experienced sleeping on a damp cold ground , I experienced eating food by luring the garbage cans and I ask myself, if God is true, why didn't he saved me in the first place, why did he allow my parents die? Why did he allow suffering?

My foster parents taught me about God but I didn't absorbed anything they'd say, I didn't really want to believe in him, not anymore, he didn't do anything, I thought he was a savior, but he isn't real. He made me suffer, he took all my happiness away, now my heart is filled with bitterness and anger, where is he when I needed him the most? you cannot blame me for being so rude about him. He is not true, he is just a fiction. He is a fantasy, he don't exist, he is not real.

"Hey Phaul, what are you doing out here?"Isaiah just called me in.

He's a hardcore Christian but unlike others he treat me good.

"Oh I'm just contemplating...."I replied.

By the way we are on the rooftop. This is our favorite hideout when we have no class and of course breaktime.I met Isaiah in a weird way, I met him when I turned twelve in the orphanage. His parents were extremely rich and they donated their money in the charities. I treat him like a brother. He is the reason why I never lived again in the orphanage, his parents adopted me. He knows that I am an unbeliever, he lost a baby sister when he was five.

"You're so Emo Dud, is something or someone bothering you?" he asked and stared at my emotionless face, I didn't stare him back.

"Nothing..." I said...

"Really?hows your friends in the social media?" he asked with a smile on his face "Still a lot of haters?" he added...

I let out a grin and smiled to his question... "Haters gonna hate..."

"You know what , I never care what you post in your social media account, even if you mock God several hundred times, If you repent to him and accept him, he will forgive you.." he said.

Damn. I don't need his sermon today.

"So your acting like a preacher now?" I replied and stared at him. Isaiah acts like a big brother to me even if I'm two years older than him. He is the reason why I overcome my trauma. He is my very first true friend. He knows what happened to me and why I'm so very bitter with God and everything they intend to believe.

"Exactly, I'm just stating facts even if you say its a hoax, by the way Dude, Mom and Dad invited us for a dinner tonight, it's their 25th wedding anniversary, I bet you have no appointments today, I have a plan to surprise them. I hope you help me later... Is it okay?" Isaiah asked.

"Sure, but let me send my tweets first and guess what?" I told him...

"What?" Isaiah replied.

"I have 900 housand plus followers on twitter, a lot of them are bashing me, Is it a good news or not?"I asked him frantically.

"Hand me your phone..." he said. I hand him my phone and type something on my twitter feed. From the spark in his eyes, I know he posted something.

He smiled and return my phone back...

"Hey what did you post?"then he left and smiled back at me.

I looked at my phone again, then I started to freak out, he just posted:

#IamForGod

20k retweets, 50k favorites

"Crazy Isaiah" I sigh.