terrible thoughts

chapter one

I was staring at the ceiling of the second grade portable, it was decorated like the sea, it had blue and green streamers and the occasional CD-made-fish,  also it was  the only thing worth my time.

"Everybody, find a patner and get your things." Mrs.G said all bubbly over the noise of the other kids.

I just sat there knowing i was not  going to have a partner, yet again.

Suddenly drawn for my daze, "Ms. Lakato, can you tell me why the ceiling is so intresting?"

Why will I never get out of this habit. "Um...I-" Mr.Willingham cut me off "exactly, now if you would plaese stop wasting my time"

His voive is low and monotoned.

~

The bell rang and I left english, thankful the day was over.  On the ride home I stared out the window, I almost did not hear my mom ask "How was your day?"

I don't think to tell her about multiple times I was pushed into the my locker, or the akward staring, or the wispers as I walked down the hall. "Good" I don't elaborate any further as we are pulling into the drive way. I pick up my things and hop out of our white 99 chevy tahoe, it was made the same year I was born.

I walk inside to find my twin brother Alex throwing his football in the air. He stayed home "sick" today.  I walk past and head to the room my mom and I share. We lost our house last year which was a double wide trailer with three bedrooms,

This is a a sigle wide with two bedrooms. Thanks Bank of America.

I acually laughed a little at the thought.

~

I got up the next moring to Ed Sheeran singing
When your legs don't work like they used to before
and i can't sweep you of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my lips will your eyes still smile from your cheeks

I groglily get up to take my shower, still hazy from the peaceful sleep.  I avoid the mirror, or I try.

My hair is almost past my boobs and is a light brown/dark blond color. I stand about 5'4", my legs and arms are thick, and I have more pudge than I would like on my mid-section.

I jump out of the shower, with the pounding on the door "Elettra, hurry up come on you have been in there for ten minutes. I actually would like to have hot water, if you don't mind."

"Shut up I am out calm your tits." I yell back my vioce still has not wanted to come to from sleep. I souned like I had just completed a screaming contest.