Phat Girl Diaries

Fighter

Throughout middle school, I got into many fights in school, because I liked to defend the more shy and quiet students. I felt like a superhero because I helped others from "evil heartless" people. My teachers and parents always told me to stay out of it but I just simply couldn't. I made it my problem when I thought people were treated unfairly. Looking back at it now, I've always felt the need to protect others because that's what I would have wanted for others to do for me. 

For some reason, to this day I can't seem to stop helping others the same way I did. For my family, I would take a bullet, I would confess to a crime I know I didn't do to protect my family from ever having to go through pain, I'm just not so sure that they would do it for me. 

Sometimes it feels like being here at home is a drag. The meaningless arguments, the manipulation, the misunderstandings, the lies and so much more than what meets the eyes. It's like you always have to play a  game in order to get what you want in this home, you have to make sure the cards you put down are the right ones, if not consequences affect your choices.  

Lately, it feels like I've been in a stranger's home, it feels like I'm tiptoeing through the hallway and trying so hard not to be noticed. If I go unnoticed then they won't have anything to complain about, at least I thought. apparently, everything you do is noticed and everyone is always watching. whether it be you in your room picking your nose or you shopping for things at the store you are always being watched, judged, and misunderstood. 

no one truly knows what you are going through until they experience something similar to you. I guess the point in trying to make is that I need to stop caring about what other people say about me (infant or behind my back) I need to do things that make me happy although it may seem selfish. if I'm going to be happy I need to make it happen for my self not expect others gratification to be my happiness because then ill never be happy. 

with that being said, fuck my family's thoughts about me. its not my fault you can't understand what I'm going through, it your fault for pushing me too hard and expecting me to to turn out fine. families aren't supposed to treat you like this, they're mean to support you through thick and thin and you people are remotely a family. 

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Haven't posted in a while.... 

I wasn't feeling it, here's some mediocre writing. 

Question: Did you get into fights in school?