Litost

1 || How it all started

I've put my life on hold. I stop living, stopped doing, and stop believing that i could be more then this. To be more then someone else's.
Not to belong to another person become an obsession, a craving that ran its way through my body, filling me, consuming me with rage.

Rage, anger, hatred was what i prided myself with never feeling. That's not saying i never felt anger or was never mad at another person.
Oh i was mad, i was a very mad person, but letting that feeling out and to let it affect another, that's not how i wanted to walk through my life.

I watched this same anger that has become me, also steal the life of my mother.

She was wonderful, the kid of parent one would only dream of becoming. Kind, loving, fun, happy everything that you could imagine would make up the perfect parent. A dream that was my reality.

Until it became just that, a dream. Up to the age of 12 she was the perfect parent, we were the perfect family. My mum and dad, myself and all the little critters my parents let me take off the street to save.

But it all change so quickly. Out of the blue, my dad was gone. My mum, not gone, but not present either. She picked up more shifts, Left before the sun rose and came long after it set. Some nights coming home with men she called her friends from work.
They laughed all night, until sleep finally got a hold of me.

I remained happy because every once in a blue moon, my perfect mum would come back. She would wake up with a smile on her face bigger then the sun. We'd do everything that we would when we were a real family.

But it lied just a sudden as it came.

"Please open up"

no

"Come on, i know you're there"

of course i'm here, why are you here, you haven't said a word to me for months

"I know i haven't been there for you, but i mean can you blame me? You are the one who cut all out of your life"

So now you're pointing fingers at me

"Oh god, i'm not meaning to point fingers at anyone, we are both in the wrong, i'm sorry"

Every step felt like her feet were in a bucket of concrete. Like the weight of the world has fallen into her shoulders alone.
A bit dramatic yes, but heartbreak can feel like that.

The door handle hadn't felt the touch of a human in weeks, it was freezing to the bone, she could almost feel it's shivers under the warm touch of her hand.

-
There were many reason she hadn't left the house in weeks, for one it was currently winter. The sidewalks laminated with melted snow refrozen over. The air nipping any exposed skin. Not something she particular wanted to deal with.

She had planned to leave, about three or four weeks ago. When she was running low on fresh food. She made it all the way, down the front steps and two her car. That's as far as she made it, the car had been sitting in the snow and ice far too long and refused to even so much as flinch.

With no desire to jump on a bus filled with snotty nosed flu filled people, she gave up and want back into the warm and familiarity of her house.
-

Standing wrapped in layer upon layer, a smile she had missed so very much plaster on the face of the person in front of her, was Diana.

Her best friend since birth, as well as her one and only cousin.

"Well it is about time, i'm freezing my ass off out here", Diana arms were carrying bags and bags off who knows what. Shoving past she raced to rest them on the ground, freeing her from the obvious weight the bags held. "Now let's get something other then month old stale rice crackers into you"

Diana was always there, the big sister she had always wanted. After her dad left, Diana was there to pick up the pieces. Make her life somewhat how it used to be.

"So i've got carrots, celery, broccoli, onion, some noodles, chicken, i'm gonna make a vegetable chicken soup. How does that sound?", She flashed her famous smile again, but it almost instantly disappeared. "Come on Faye, you can't just ignore me forever, i'm literally standing in your kitchen, and i'm not leaving until i see the real you come back"

"You'll be here forever then, might as well get comfy"

"Seriously, i get you're hurt, I know what heartbreak feels like, but you broke his heart too. Oh my god, he is a mess, that man must have not showered for weeks, I nearly threw up when i stepped through the door"

"You went to see him? Aren't you meant to be on my side?"

"Faye, you haven't answered any of my messages, i wasn't just gonna sit around and think you were dead. So i went to his to see what happened"

"It's not any of your business what happened"

"You're family, it is my business if you feel of the face of the earth and stopped answering everyone's messages and calls, i came to your house every week and there was no answer, no lights on, I didn't know what to think"

"Fair enough"

"Yeh". They both fell silent, the only sound was the trees bashing the windows on the upper floor of the house. "So! Chicken soup?"

"Yes, Chicken soup"