TWO FACED | LEVI ACKERMAN

CHAPTER NINE

Instead of taking your frustration out on anyone else you take it out on your ODM gear. Anger is best used up resourcefully and you find practice goes by quicker when you imagine the look of horror Levi will have on his face when he sees just how much you've improved in recent weeks.

You sustain a number of bruises, scratches and scars the more daring you get but you take them as accolades indicating your dedication. Erwin occasionally encourages you in his office and informs you of how your commitment shows how you prioritize the safety of your people.

He's incorrect. The people of Paradis are not your people. You hold no relation or similarity to them aside from the fact you all happen to be human. Your people are the people of the Negri Republic.

You think of them every training session, tell yourself you're fortunate to be alive and if it were any other citizen of the Republic they would be working ten times as hard. They would grind their bones to dust just to prove their worth. Stepping above everyone else and working for a place in the top three.

So that's exactly what you do. You work yourself till you're sure you don't have possession of your own body, the spirits of the dead haunt you now that you've been left in the harrowing silence of lost life.

Guilt catches up to you. It nips at your skin and forms goosebumps all over your arms the one time you and the cadets happen to be allowed out to venture into town.

The people of Negri will never be able to bask in such a privilege.

Yet here you are, the only survivor of the attack, basking in that freedom .

You believe you hold no licence to deserve it.

____________

It's another Friday, your shirt is soaked in sweat and you cringe internally as you peel it away from your skin now safe within the confines of the shower rooms.

Another lonesome night for you. Mikasa has fallen asleep long ago and you've just retired from another late night training session.

The air bites at you and you jolt jerking your hand away when the water you come into contact with is ice cold.

You should have remembered warm water is closed off after ten but it completely slipped your mind.

Sniffing at your skin you wince at the earthy scent mixed in with your perspiration.

You can't not shower but the prospect of having to endure the cold water isn't appealing in the slightest.

Fine, you'll get up early and hope to shower before breakfast when warm water is available. If you dare to become ill at this pivotal moment you're back to square one. If Levi has no use for you, you're once again as good as dead.

Groaning you unwind and restart. Pulling your undergarments back on you stare at your sodden clothing. Wearing your damp uniform just to sneak back into your dorm isn't at all appealing and you curse yourself for forgetting to bring your night gown.

No one else is awake anymore and if they are they should be all the way at the other end of the base, you're sure you'll be able to slip away into the shadows and make it to your room within two minutes.

It's a risk but you'll take it, there's no way you're wearing those clothes again. If you make it to your room you can change into your nightwear and sleep. It'll be uncomfortable due to not showering but you'll make do with it.

Pushing your head out into the hallway it's dark and you sigh in relief, your ears are attentive waiting on any sounds but when you hear nothing you assume it's safe to make a move.