I open my eyes again...
Breaths louder than the clock...
Breaths are all I can hear...
Tears still hanging on my eyes...
I am not supposed to be here...
How lonely are the maroon window drapes...
Cold, the air that touches me...
The ceiling is crawling down and down...
I don't want it to stop...
I hope that it crushes me...
The sun was cold today...
And today was broken...
As life,
as me...
As this very poem...
I turn my head towards the mirror...
But in it, there is no me...
The door is locked...
from the inside...
But I don't have the key...
I know all about it...
I know it should be rough...
But it was tougher today...
I ran and ran and ran...
My skin was stripped off...
I come and lie down on the bed again...
Again for the hundredth time...
I close my eyes and try to sleep...
Again for the hundredth time...
How slow is the fan above me...
Bizarre, the dreams that come and go...
Why can't I feel what falls upon me...
The sliver moonlight
that sneaks in through the window...
I cried and begged...
And I ran again...
And then again...
I wish I knew how to fly...
I so wish I knew...
But I couldn't...
And they would catch up...
And the skin that still latched on...
Was ripped off too...
The cries never stopped...
Neither did I...
I went on...and on...
Until it was over...
Until the eyes were but a cloudless sky...
How red is the creased bedsheet beneath...
Cursed, the blanket that lay over me...
Why am I here...
How am I here...
The room of the monstrous blasphemy...
This very room stayed the same...
And yet felt so different...
I have been here before...
When it had a whole different scent...
She needed help...
She was lonely...
I was there with her that eve...
To give her company...
The urge I felt...
Urge, so twisted...
I gave in...
To the monster...
That which I never knew existed...
I locked the room...
I pulled her hair...
I pushed her on the bed...
I tore whatever came in the way...
And I panted...
While the sheets went red...
She cried and begged...
She fought...
And fought again...
As pieces of soul left and left her...
Until she didn't...
Until she was a statue...
And all the pain went hidden...
Until the last of her soul was stripped off too...
I was on the ground...
The very skin felt like dirt...
I was still beaten...
But it didn't hurt...
As tears hung upon the lashes...
I could only but blink and blink...
And as I did, I saw...
Nothing but the drapes...
Nothing but the sheets...
Nothing but the stains...
Nothing...
I could only but sink and sink...
Further...
And further...
And further...
For the hundredth time, I die...
For the hundredth time, I wish I died...
But as I open my eyes again...
I am back here...
The room locked in from the inside...
How lonely are the maroon window drapes...
Cold, the air that touches me...
The ceiling is crawling down and down...
I don't want it to stop...
I hope that it crushes me...
But it doesn't...
I get to see myself die everyday...
Everyday...a different way...
I get to wish I haven't been a monster...
I get to see myself kill everyday...
And the play goes on...
And on...
And on...
-Listless Awake
