Starting Over Again

Chapter 16: Stay

I went home feeling heavy and exhausted. No tears left for me to cry out. No words left to say and no energy left to care. When I got home, the smell of alcohol and vomit rushed through my nose. I heard my mother crying so loud that I had to cover my ears. She's saying something I couldn't understand since she's drunk. My brother was calming her down and when I asked why, he whispered that she lost her job. My mind was so full and I couldn't think clearly at all. I didn't know what to do so I rushed to my room, locked my door and threw my body onto the bed. I stared at the ceiling and processed all the things happened these past few days. My hand automatically found a blade and cut my wrist. I didn't know what happened to me, I just found myself running away from that house even if it's already past bedtime. I want to run as far as I could from everything. I want to escape but I have no idea where to go. I want to scream and cry so loud where nobody could hear. I want all this pain to end. So, when I saw the truck coming, I blocked his way.

I woke up in a white room. My mom was sleeping and my brother is at my side, staring at me in surprise. He called the doctor and they examined me. After everything, I asked him how many days was I asleep and he started crying. He said I was sleeping for  3 months and was fighting between life and death. My other foot is already on the grave. I listened to his stories about what happened while I was in coma. He said that my mom became a maid in a rich woman's house. It turns out that my dad's family heard about my accident so they volunteered to pay the hospital bills. My dad flew back here in the Philippines—which is a news to me since I didn't know he's in overseas. My dad frequents here in the hospital and they already talked about paying our school expenses and it's another good news. That night, I cried to God. I thanked him for giving me a second life. I feel alive again and realized something while I was fighting for my life.

--

"You know each other?" Cassandra asked. She answers before I could even open my mouth.

"No." Cassandra slowly nodded in hesitation. Someone from the staffs called her name so she excused herself from us.

I returned to my seat and she sat beside me. Silence took over us for a moment until she decided to break it.

"So, how is she?" she asked. Suddenly, I thought about her question. I never asked her that question ever since the first day. It seems like a simple question yet I'm hesitant to answer.  

"I don't know." She stared at me in confusion—She was about to say something when my phone rang. I excused myself for a second and answered the call.

"Ciara?" Ashley and Ciara knew each other since juniors.

"Dexter called me." Dexter is Sevy's brother—3 years younger than us. I waited for her to add something cause the silence after her statement made my heart throbbed. 

"Her mom's in critical condition. She's in the ICU right now." I almost drop my phone when I heard the news. "They're in San Pedro Hos—" I didn't wait for her to finish the sentence and rushed outside.

"Contestant number 15. I repeat contestant number 15!" I heard the organizer say. But I didn't look back because right now Sevy needs me.

"You should take your time but not much of it, before it's too late." Jazmine's voice echoed in my head again.

I went directly at the ICU and I found her sitting outside and staring blankly. She didn't even feel my presence as I walk right into her.

"Hey." I tapped her shoulder and she almost collapsed in shock that caused her to panic. She calmed down when she realized its me.

Her eyes are swollen and she lost a lot of weight for the past four days. She left her hair unbrushed and her bugs under her eyes are darker than before, she obviously hasn't slept at all.

"Dexter told us what happened." She nodded unconsciously and went back at staring blankly again. I didn't say anything and stayed by her side.

I want to hug her and say sorry for being unready to listen. For not being there when she suffers. For being stubborn and selfish but I know this isn't the right time for that.

I held her hand and gently brushed my thumb on it. She sobbed silently and pulled me for a hug and burrowed her face on my shoulder as she cried. I rubbed her back—didn't say anything. Because nothing will make her feel okay. I knew it, because I've been through it. I let her cry on my shoulder until she felt tired.

I laid her head on my lap and let her rest. She closed her eyes while I caressed her hair until she fell asleep.

I woke up with a kiss on my cheek. When I opened my eyes, Severine revealed a bright smile which I know is fake—but I appreciate her effort for making me not worry.

Her hair is now brushed and her eyes is not that swollen anymore. On her side is Dexter.

"We should go home, it's late." I glanced at the window and the moon is up. I saw the clock which says 6 pm.

"Who will –"

"My dad is already inside. He said he can manage." I nodded.

"I'll stay overnight in your place." I stated. She's not okay so it's impossible for her to look after her brother.

Besides, she used to have nightmares at times like this. Or she won't be able to sleep and will just cry overnight if I won't look after her. And maybe Dexter would do the same.

'Okay." She didn't argue.

I went home to get some clothes and went back at her house right after. When I came inside, darkness and silence blinded me. I turned on the lights and saw Sevy staring blankly again while Dexter is sleeping at the couch.

"Did you eat?" she shook her head and crooked a smile. I sighed and examined their refrigerator for something to cook. I took out some meat and other ingredients and started cooking dinner for them.

"You don't have to do this" said Sevy.

"But I want to."

When I finished cooking, I wake Dexter up and prepared the table.

"I know how stressed and emotional you both are right now, but you still have to take care of each other if you can't do it for yourselves. You need to stay strong for your mom." I scolded them. They fell silent and started eating.

When they finished eating Sevy presented herself to wash the dishes but I refused for her help.

"I'll do it. You need to rest; you badly need it." While I collect the dishes to be washed, she grabbed the end of my shirt like a child.

"Sleep with me." Her voice broke and her eyes started to get wet again. I nodded and wiped her tears away.

She silently watched me doing the dishes until I finished.

"Don't you have rehearsal today?"

"I ditched it." She hit my arm and scolded me.

"Why would you do that you brat! You should have attended that before you went there."

"Would you prioritize that if I badly needed you?" again, she fell silent. "Let's go to bed."

I made sure to tuck Dexter to bed before I tucked her in too like again, a child. She used my arm as her pillow and gently combed her hair. She murmured something before she fell in a deep sleep.

"I love you, please stay." I kissed her forehead.

"I love you too, and I'll stay." I whispered as I try to sleep.