I try to accept the reality I was designated with, yet it's extremely difficult to understand. I am constantly suffering through my diagnosis of major depression, my mental disorder obviously being inevitable. Of course the most common process of relieving that "temporary" pain is by talking it through and discussing your emotions with honesty and full effort in believing the quote, "It will get better." Although that doesn't necessarily leave me anything to look forward to. Everything is so goddamned messed up in my life, I could continue to create the entire list of mistakes, regrets, and perks I don't enjoy about this particular life (that I didn't ask for) in general. (But, oh no! That would be considering focusing on the negative.) Eventually that leads to self harm, which I hate participating in that form of injury, but it's uncontrollable. Don't forget, what a negative consequence addiction becomes, too. I'm pretty fucked up for a beginning student in junior high school.
I've already been to a mental facility. The hospital taught me to "develop better coping skills." Continuous therapy sessions, and these shitty groups with more children related entertainment involved. Trust me, I have experienced visiting hell.
Obviously, one of the concepts i considerably was required to learn (that fell into the 'better coping skills' category, somehow) was opening up. I was supposed to believe that people there were actually supporting me and helping me through. (When in reality, they just practically overdose you with medications you don't need. So encouraging!) I fucking hated it if you can't interpret sarcasm.
One of the most important things to remember is to act more approachable rather than posing a threat. I never intentioned to make anyone nervous-- that wasn't my purpose and definitely not close to what I wanted to fulfill. I just desired for someone to notice and finally realize how much pain I was really suffering through. Unfortunately, on a daily basis.
Of course, these entries are not supposed to make the reader feel obliged to feel sympathetic for me, or to drown you in guilt. I just need a reliable source that is one hundred percent trustworthy.
That's why I am also deciding to remain anonymous. :)
With love, xx
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Suicide Dreams
JugendliteraturThis story is related to people who are clinically diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, etc. (These entries in no way should be considered criticism or a form of judgment or bullying. This is actually partially stuff I incorporated into a stor...
