With and Without | Open Heart 2/3 AU | Choices

Is This Goodbye?

The second Charlie saw Ethan approach her hospital room, she knew he had bad news.

She had seen him give bad news hundreds of times. Every time, he had the same expression, though the degree varied. He walked with determination, yet there was a silent reluctance in each step, like he would be happy to walk just a touch slower. The skin between his eyebrows crinkled together, and his lips formed a hard line. And his eyes...

They were particularly sad today.

In the short time before Ethan reached the glass, Charlie panicked.

She imagined a million scenarios, each worse than the last. She grieved each of them for her friends, her family, and herself. Even Ethan, too.

But once he reached her, she was relieved to see him. Happy, even. Especially because this could be the last time that she would face him like this, before this toxin had taken everything from her.

She paid a great deal of attention to him. He didn't look like the same man who had kissed her goodbye this morning, and it was so hard to reconcile the two conflicting versions of Ethan. The one from last night had this radiance about him – like, for the first time in a very long time, the world was beautiful and full of possibilities. That man was happy. He made an extra cup of coffee in the morning and sacrificed his morning rituals just to stay in bed with her a little longer.

This man...

He wasn't happy.

He was devastated.

His life had shattered. His world was chaos. And faced with the most important case of his career, he was failing.

And he was failing the woman he loved...

Looking at him, it was hard to imagine that the Ethan from this morning could ever come back. He was this now – and maybe even forever.

Ethan didn't know how to begin. He imagined that there were eloquent, efficient words that could professionally and carefully inform her of the team's new breakthrough. If he had an eternity, he wouldn't have found them, though. The truth was that he didn't want to begin. He didn't want to tell her. He didn't want it to be true.

Charlie took a moment to weakly approach the glass, and when he remained silent, she offered a kind of sympathetic smile.

"Would it help if I guessed the bad news?" Charlie offered.

"Who said it was bad news?" Ethan asked reflexively.

He didn't like the knowing smile she offered or how effortlessly she had read him.

He didn't like that he wouldn't be able to keep secrets from her in the coming hours. She deserved the luxury of compassionate lies and well-meaning falsehoods. She deserved to be spared, if just from the psychological toll.

"We've discovered the type of toxin," Ethan finally elaborated, watching her intently. He told himself he was looking for new symptoms, but he wasn't. He was studying her reaction and hoping that she could take it.

Ethan didn't know Charlie's limits like he knew his own, not really. She toed the line last year with the combined trauma of Mrs. Martinez, the ethics hearing, Naveen's illness, and Landry's betrayal. She got herself off that ledge somehow, though a few cracks remained. But this? Could she take this?

But truthfully, as her doctor, it didn't matter if she could take it. She would have to.

"You have?" Charlie asked apprehensively. She was looking for the trick, for the subtle clue that would put everything together. Because, at first blush, this was good news, wasn't it? They were one step closer to treatment if they identified the toxin. They might even have time to save Raf.