The Bellows Of A Sinner

A World Without God Chapter 1

   Convulsions, everyday in this putrid world, every second spent continuously reminding me "You're merely a bystander in your own make-believe destiny". This life I live was never mine to begin with, so why should I believe there's even a destiny waiting for me ahead? What "ahead" am I waiting for? I don't even know, all these emotions, these feelings which were suppressed for countless years, waiting for the one opportunity that may spark a light, then erupt. Now, I'm consumed by the light...I'm now one with my feelings but I just can't grasp even a third of an understanding of it. Left in confusion, I reluctantly decided to do what my "mother" told me to do whenever consumed by confusion, pray. I put my right knee to the floor, instinctively my left knee followed, I clasped my quivering hands and with a prayer in mind, I began trying to speak with God.

   Why god? Just why? Why do I have to continuously roam on this putrid land in hopes of finding a true "purpose" when there's nothing in sight? Why do I have to continuously live my life with this "happy go lucky" façade hoping for the day someone sees through it and asks "are you okay?" "Why did you put me on this world just to suffer?" "Why God... why?" "Please just answer me, I beg of you, give me a sign, a sign that can satisfy this insatiable curiosity of mine." I waited in hopes of a response, but of course, it never came. In a matter of moments my faith began to sway, I had tried my best to muster up the faith to have God even acknowledge my prayer. Inevitably, it seemed my prayer did not reach the heavens, I always thought my self-worth equated to that of a vermin, but god confirmed it. I thought to myself, "In such an omniscient God's eyes, a lowly vermin like myself isn't even worth slight acknowledgement." After being struck by what I believed was "the truth" I dropped my back onto the floor and wallowed in my impertinence

   A world without God, a world without an end. Just a mere beginning that continues into a never-ending loop of destruction. Why did God bother creating the world if he intended on leaving us right after? I could say it's Humanity's own fault for why we're stuck in this eternal predicament though. Humans intentionally bask in sin every day, indulging in their worldly desires, getting consumed into the eerie but beautiful whispers of the Devil and following his orders like a loyal lapdog. God Left us, but the Devil didn't. I wonder why...Is it because of our strong hedonistic tendencies? Is it because of our insatiable desire for power? I will never know. I desperately tried to be different from the others but one man's power can only do so much. Inevitably, I got consumed into the everlasting fountain of lust and sadism. I found a part of myself I didn't even know I had. Being dumbfounded by this new reality I thought "maybe sin isn't so bad after all" as I continued to let myself ponder into the world of desires. That was the worst mistake I ever made.

   I made a hobby of torture. The sexual gratification I derived from the mere screams of affection and terror in the voices of my fellow sinners was phenomenal. The screams intertwined with pleasure and pain was a delicacy I never thought I'd find. Even though I was consumed by sin, I still had a part of my humanity intact. I only tortured people who desired it, and in this world where everyone aspires to cure their prodigious desire for worldly desires, it wasn't difficult to find some test subjects. At first I thought I'd only do this to quench my thirst for pleasure but inevitably, I continued to do it every day. After a few days, I grew weary of the screams. I didn't want to hear screams that only consisted of pleasure anymore, I wanted something more enticing, something that could make my heart beat out of my chest. That's when I decided to take torture to a next level. I followed my heart and thought of a method that was sure to make my heart race. I contacted my test subjects...