Never Had A Chance

1.0. Tell yourself you can always stop

5 Years Ago.

CLARISSA AMELIA DRAKE'S POV:

No one wanted me here, not even my brother. I burned every bridge I had with my old friend group. I understood the stares. Except it didn't matter, Lincoln had called, and like the pathetic lapdog he knew I was, I went running to him. I shouldn't have come, looking around at the crowd of jocks and school preppies. Except he was my weakness.

Even after he had broken my heart, after spending years leading me on, the thing about Linc and I is that we've known each other pretty much all our lives. We grew up in the same neighbourhood when I was in a diaper. He was my best friend until my freshman year of high school. The day I entered High School, I no longer existed to him.

I thought I would never be able to forgive him after he showed up at my birthday party last February with my female best friend, Hayle, attached to his hip, but I did. I even managed to be his friend again, but it wasn't like it used to be.

Tonight when he called, I could feel the dread before he even spoke. In a hurry, I came over. I was breaking every promise I made to my siblings and former friends just for him. So now I stood on the edge of the crowd searching for the boy with dark brown hair. When I couldn't see him, I headed up the back staircase to the floor where my bedroom was. Pushing open the door, I instantly knew that I had gone to the right place. My lights were on, and he sat on the bed, his head in his hands.

"Lincoln." My voice echoed off the walls of my almost empty room. My secret was revealed as the boxes lined the walls screaming something was wrong.

"Did Mr. and Mrs. Sidle finally kick you out?" It was a joke, I could hear it in his voice, but it still stung. He knew just how complicated my relationship was with my parents, so the joke felt more like a jab at a barely healed wound.

"Ha-ha," I breathed, walking further into the room. My arms wrapped around myself as I took in his dishevelled appearance. "What's wrong? Where's-"

"Can we not mention her name right now?" My eyebrows furrowed at his angered voice at the mention of his girlfriend. I let it go the second his blue eyes met mine. For the first time in a year, I could see the Linc that I had fallen in love with. "What can I do?"

Moving to sit next to him, I quickly tucked my tight-covered legs underneath me. I was smoothing my skirt out nervously. I hadn't been this close to Lincoln in over a year. The last time we were this close, some expectations left me alone and crying.

"Just...be my best friend for a few minutes?" He was hesitant in asking for the bare minimum. Wanting to erase six months of a secret relationship before he knew I wanted him as more than a friend. Before, when he wanted me as more than a friend. So I did what he asked, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, pulling him to me as he clung on to me for dear life.

I didn't know what happened tonight, but I knew it must have been bad if he had called me. I knew there was a chance Hayle was calling me, trying to find me to vent about whatever happened. I didn't want to see if it didn't come from Linc. Hayle would manipulate the narrative to make him seem like the bad guy regardless of what happened.

I ran my fingers through his hair. The same way I did the night his mom was served divorce papers. I was throwing Lincoln and his younger sister Rebecca through the most significant change in their lives. Linc spent two weeks in my bed, just letting me hold him. I did what he wanted me to do. I did it for what felt like hours until I felt him shift just enough to look me in the eye.

"I screwed up, Clara." The sound of his voice broke me; it was filled with such heartbreak that I didn't know what to say. So I said nothing, watching as he scrambled to formulate a sentence. "I was here tonight, and Hayle was on my arm. I should have been the happiest man in the world, but it felt wrong."

Narrowing my eyes at him, urging him to continue. "You were there for me through everything. Elementary school, primary school, but because I lied to the school last September, you couldn't even be here tonight." His eyes were filled with tears, and that's when I realized I had somehow managed to fuck up one of the best nights of his life.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to"

"Why are you apologizing? I screwed this up. None of this is your fault; if I hadn't lied, Clara, you would have been here tonight." Involuntarily I reached out, wiping the single tear that had fallen from his eye. "You had to sneak into your own home because I made you out to be obsessive."

"It's okay, Lincoln. You didn't know it would come to this. We're friends again. That's all that matters. I'd rather be your friend than not have you in my life at all." I sighed. My admission felt like acid on my tongue.

I was surprised when he reached out to me, caressing my face as gently as he could. His fingertips like feathers against my skin. His eyes searched mine for an answer to his unasked question. I should have pushed him away. I knew that look. It was the same look that started my dilemma, but I didn't. He leaned in, and on instinct, so did I meeting him halfway in a desperate lip lock.

His arm snaked around my waist, pulling me onto his lap as my fingers tangled in his hair. Everything in me told me to stop this that he had a girlfriend somewhere in my house, but I couldn't. His lips moved against mine in sync as his tongue slid against mine in a way that established dominance. I whimpered when he pulled back, his breathing loud as he rested his forehead against mine.

It was like a silent agreement was made as he moved his kisses down my jawline until he got a reaction from me. A chuckle vibrated against my skin before he started to assault my neck, gently pulling at the skin with his teeth, forcing a moan to escape my lips. I lost myself to him, because even after breaking my heart. I was still stupid in love with him; my selfish side showed as I enabled him to cheat on his girlfriend.

***

LINCOLN AVERY HARRISON'S POV:

The room smelled of brown sugar and cinnamon as I rolled over in bed. I could feel the warmth of someone next to me, but I knew something was different. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes only to be met with the last person I expected to be next to me. Seeing the 17-year-old brunette lying next to me brought back memories from the night before.

The argument I had with Hayle, me calling Clarissa. I was the one to make the first move, and I wanted to kick myself. Once again, I would be hurting the last person I wanted to. Seeing her lying next to me, I felt at peace. Her dark brown hair was spread across the expensive black pillowcase. Her alabaster skin was tainted with love bites I had left behind, the evidence she needed to prove that she wasn't lying if this ever came to light.

Looking around the room, I bathed in the comfort of Clarissa's presence. Seeing the boxes lining the walls, realizing I hadn't asked her any questions last night. We spent 4 bliss-filled hours drifting between having sex and saying comforting things that I didn't ask her anything of importance.

I was right about one thing last night. I did not deserve her forgiveness; I didn't even deserve to be lying next to her. She was the one person who loved me for me, and I destroyed her, and still, she came to me. I made the worst mistake of my life when school started. Gazing over at her, I knew she deserved better than this.

She deserved to be shown off to the public because whoever she was with was proud to have her. She didn't deserve the way I treated her 14 months ago. Constantly whisking her away, across stateliness or at my parent's vacation cottage in the Hamptons. I treated her like a dirty secret, and she still had the nerve to love me after the fact, and against my better judgment, I was enjoying my moment. Closing my eyes, I decided to soak in her presence. Curling into Clara, needing to be near her even if it was only a temporary thing. Even if it was wrong.