Never Had A Chance

2.0 No, I could never give you peace.

Five years ago.

CLARISSA AMELIA DRAKES POV:

I started to stir, pulling the blankets tighter around my body, when I caught a whiff of cedarwood and whiskey. I thought for sure that last night was a dream, but I knew the scent too well. I spent the better part of 4 months waking up next to it. Reluctantly I opened my eyes to see him already lying awake next to me.

"Morning," I croaked, shifting so that I was further away from him. Not that it mattered much anymore, considering the events of the night before. I had already done the worst thing I could have possibly done to Hayle. "Listen, I'm sorry I should have-"

"Stop apologizing to me." He sighed. I could hear the frustration in his voice as he spoke. "I called you."

"I could have stopped you. I should have. You were drunk."

"I was far from drunk last night," once again, it was his turn to shock me into silence. Quickly I moved into a sitting position, the sheet pulled tight across my chest to keep whatever dignity had left. "God, Clarissa. I wanted to have a good time last night, so I tried. I really did, but I couldn't without you standing next to me like we always planned."

I stayed quiet, taking in how relaxed he was in my room. Like the last 10 months hadn't happened, but the anxiety that filled my chest was my reminder that this was a mistake. "That's exactly what it was." My brain quickly formulated a scenario to allow him to leave and act like this hadn't happened. "You wanted your childhood best friend next to you. Your first love, I don't fault you for that, and neither should you. I mean, it's exactly what I wanted. My last night of high school, with the one guy who has been my constant since I moved in next door."

Crap. I wanted to scream. I had said too much. It was Lincoln's time to move into a sitting position, leaning back so that he could give me his best look of confusion. "What do you mean, your last night of high school? You have a year left."

Shaking my head, I point at the boxes that lined the walls of my room. Each one filled with either clothing, linen, books; my whole life. "I head out to NYC in 30 hours."

"What? That's amazing, Clarissa!" I could hear the pride in his voice as he said it. The first person to be proud of me for graduating and heading off to university a year early. "You graduated early. Why weren't you announced back in June?" I could see a range of emotions cross his face until it settled on annoyance. "No."

"It's no big deal, Linc."

"Of course, it's a big deal," He assured. "Tell me your parents didn't ask you to hide this until you were already gone," he knew what my parents were like. Especially when it came to me, so I didn't do anything. I stared at him with a blank expression, not wanting to say anything. "Why?"

I opened my mouth but quickly shut it. Looking away from him so that I could avoid answering just a little longer. It didn't matter because I could feel his eyes on me, resulting in me telling him the truth."They didn't want me to outshine my brother, y'know, him being the golden child." Saying the words out loud stung.

"You're not coming back, are you?" I could tell that it wasn't a question. His eyes held a sadness that broke my heart all over again.

"There's nothing left here for me now," I admitted, the reality of my life washing over me again. "My parents think I'm a major disappointment, no matter what I do. I graduated valedictorian of a grade I wasn't even supposed to graduate from yet, and I couldn't enjoy it because I had to worry about my brother." For the first time since that night, I felt bitter. "For the first time in my life, I'm completely alone. No one else to blame but myself."

"You're not alone. You can't be."

A familiar tightness in my throat as I looked back on the last year. I spent 95 percent of my nights alone, in this bedroom. The other 5 percent was at parties, getting so intoxicated that I could numb the feeling of loneliness and fill it with some random person for the night. "My friends went when they were convinced I was obsessive," I laughed, tilting a fake hat to him. Sarcastically applauding him for his role in that.

Looking him in the eye, I knew mine were glassy. "I don't even have you anymore." It was true. While we were friends again, this was the first time he had paid attention to my life in a long time. While it was refreshing for a conversation to be about me, I had nothing to say anymore. The first tear fell, and quickly, I felt his arms wrap around me, crushing me to his chest.

"You have me." For the first time in my life, I cried. I allowed the pain to consume me and just cried in the arms of my safe haven. I allowed myself to lean into him, taking his comfort for the moment. His lips were pressed to my temple, occasionally whispering sweet nothings and apologies for how absent he's been in my life lately.

LINCOLN AVERY HARRISON'S POV:

For the first time in 10 months, I actually held her. She felt small in my arms. Her body shook against me as sobs overtook her body, regret filling my own as I witnessed the damage of my life. My inability to stand up to my friends, resulting in the complete downfall of the one person I never wanted to hurt.

When she pulled away, it was like she flipped a switch. Her body tensed up before she pulled herself from my arms. Her tears had stopped, and she was trying to wipe the tear tracks from her face. "You don't have to be strong around me, Clara."

A soft cough escaped her, along with a soft laugh. God, I hated that this was the last time I would see her. "It doesn't matter anymore, though, Linc. Tomorrow I'll be free from all this. I get to be with my grandparents. I get to reinvent myself in a place that no one knows me." Brushing her hair out of her face, I couldn't help but feel at peace knowing she was doing something that was purely for her.

She wasn't going to New York because her parents were forcing her to. She wasn't following Hayle or me. She was going because she wanted to. "I should probably give you some more good news," I finally spoke, withdrawing my hands from her, knowing there was a possibility I was about to get hit. "I told Hayle the truth about what happened between you and me last summer... the last four years."

Her eyes softened like I had given back a piece of her that I had taken. "Thank you."

"She might try and reach out...I don't know, really. I mean, there's this thing called pride," I was rambling, and just like that, she laughed. Slapping me, but in a jokingly manner. It was a quick laugh, but enough to place a smile on both of our faces.

"As thankful as I am for you to tell her the truth, to clear my name of being the high school crazy. I think it's best I just leave this all behind." I knew she was right. Leaving here, cutting us all off, was what was best for her. So I gave her a smile before leaning in.

"I'm going to kiss you, now."

"What?"

"You said after today, you won't look back. It won't matter tomorrow." She hesitated for a second before nodding, allowing me to close the gap and take in the taste of her mouth one last time. Even after being friends for 15 years, we couldn't make things work between us. It didn't mean that I hadn't spent the last 4 years in love with her because I was utterly in love with this 5 ft 1, brilliantly beautiful brunette. I just never had the nerve to love her properly.