Wattpad Emmy Award, 2021 (Closed)

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WATTPAD EMMY AWARD TEEN FICTION RESULT;

BETTER DAYS AHEAD

Title: 10/10

Cover: 7/10

Blurb: 8/10

Opening Chapter: 2/10

Grammar: 5/15

Writing Style: 3/5

Originality: 10/15

Plot: 7/10

Enjoyment: 4/10

Genre relevance: 4/5

TOTAL: 60/100

Position: 6th

REVIEW: Title is good. Cover is okay, but the font is a little hard to read. Maybe it could have a bit more brightness to it too? The cover almost looks historical and on first glance nothing suggests it’s historical so maybe look again at it? The blurb is good, just the last couple of sentences feel a little awkward with a small error.

Within the first chapter I noticed a lot of issues surrounding the speech: some places had commas where you’ve already got punctuation marks. Some places you use commas when you shouldn’t because you’re using action tags and not dialogue tags (meaning dialogue needs to end in a full stop) A couple of places there’s no speech marks so it took me a few reads to understand it was speech.

I also noticed there’s no emotions. She’s being beaten by her step father. That would be PRETTY emotional – and it’s just void of anything. Especially within the first chapter, you want to really hook readers in. I feel nothing right now.

It’s very info-dumpy. I would suggest weaving some of this characterisation through the narrative. Especially as one moment she’s being abused, the next second she’s telling us about her Mum. It feels really choppy. The flashback you could also probably weave through – it feels a bit random so maybe link it better?

A few minor spelling errors. Some names aren’t capitalised as well, so just watch out for that.

So it’s all feeling a little dialogue heavy in chapter 2. I’d look at breaking this up with some descriptions and emotions etc. All as I suggested above really.

At the end of ch2 I’m confused as to why she made her stepfather lunch when he isn’t home? Just a minor plot hole there.

I felt chapter 3 was an improvement overall. There are some nice descriptions in there. I’d work using these as a base.

Overall: the plot has some promise. It just really needs some restructuring and some really focused editing. It’s a dramatic piece that is meant to really hit home to the readers, and unfortunately right now it’s not doing that because of the lack of descriptions and emotions. When working on an abuse plot, you REALLY REALLY need to work with emotions. There are unfortunately none right now, so not only does it not hit the reader where it’s meant to, it doesn’t seem REAL or realistic, which it needs to really. Other errors are outlined above to really elevate that writing. However, the plot has a really good promise. Good luck!