It was finally night again my favorite time of the day. The one time where I felt like I could finally be myself. Where I could finally escape the tragic world I was forced to live in. What was the problem you may wonder? Well just about everything including myself. It was how you already think the worst things about yourself and pray to God that they don't think about them too. But in the end everyone is thinking about what you already know. That you don't look like those other girls or that you're not the smartest. It's fine. I'm fine. As I repeat the daily ritual I continue to say out loud. Is it true what I say? No, not at all. But why would it matter. I will only ever be stuck in this nothingness. Life for me may never continue on. I mean what is the point? I relive the same day over and over. Nothing changes. I wake up, drive to school, go to my classes, come home with homework, finish my homework, take a shower, stare into the abyss, and then finally go to sleep. That's my only escape. So I'll ask again, what is the point?
I sit up in my twin sized bed and begin to walk to my window. I pull my dark violet curtains away from the glass. And then I found it. My escape. Watching the people below. How I wish I could just escape and run away. I just miss when I was younger. I didn't need a distraction from life i was happy. Sleep wasn't an escape I mean I didn't even want to go to sleep. I was tired all the time, but now I sleep more than eight hours a day and I'm still tired. Just not the kind of tired you think. The kind of tired when you wake up and you wish you never did. I'm so tired of life. That's it that's all.
I glanced out my window and there I saw a totally different world. One I never really seemed to pay attention to. Or seemed to notice. Or even care. As I looked at my little apartment window there was a girl. She seemed the same age as me or close at least. It looked like she understood what it felt like to be alone. The way she walked or even just her facial expressions. The continuous pout on her bright rosy face seemed to comfort me. Looking at someone else's pain seemed to help me. Just looking at someone and see that I wasn't the only one who was alone. It helped. She was sitting down on the sidewalk. Not giving a care in the world. I felt like I should go join her. Something was pulling me. Like I was a magnet being pulled by the attraction of another. I couldn't help but stare at her. She somehow amazed me. She kept me motivated. Intrigued even. And I didn't even know her, but it felt as though I should. I should get to know her. But when did I ever start listening to the voice in my head. Almost always now that I thought of it. I always end up listening to them up there in my head.
I unlock my window and begin to slide it upwards. I felt the cold fresh air brush against my soft olive-toned skin. I felt almost free. That I could quite literally do anything. I took my hair out of the tiny bun I had and slid the hair tie onto my wrist. My hair flowed through the cold breeze. And that is when I finally felt free. Where life felt like it was worth living. I swung my legs over the windowsill and watched them dangle in the air. It was so peaceful and I wasn't even scared. The girl looked at me with her pretty green eyes and smiled. I think I comforted her the way she did me. I hopped onto the roof and quickly laid down. I admired the stars like it was a painting. Looking at every detail. Sure you could say it was a black sky with specks of white dots and the moon but that's not what I saw. I saw the most beautiful thing. I saw a darkness with bits of light in it, different sizes and scattering all across the black canvas.
"Hey... Do you mind?" the girl said pointing to the fire escape. "No, not at all." I silently let down the fire escape. She climbed up and laid down with me. "It's like a big black canvas." she said. I looked at her intently. My eyes began to widen and I was astounded. "Oh really?" I said. "Yeah it's just that some people don't know where to put their brush." she said knowingly. "What do you mean?" I wondered. "Some people don't know where to make their first mark." she said whilst staring up at the sky. And then the feeling went away. The feeling where I felt like I was being pulled. I think she was my magnet. I turned my head and began to gaze at her rather than the night sky. "What.." she uttered. I looked back up at the night sky. "Nothing. I just think you are quite sensational. That's all." I replied. "No one has ever said that to me before." she said with a melancholy tone. A tear slipped down her cheek and onto the roof. She couldn't help it. The saddest part was that I felt her pain. The pain of never knowing your worth. And that somebody would eventually tell you one day. She began to sit up. "Till we meet again." she whispered. "Till we meet again." I whispered back. Till two broken souls find their home I thought to myself. She climbed down the fire escape and then she disappeared. She vanished like smoke blown into the cold air. Hopefully she didn't disappear forever.
