This is War (Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x reader)

Chapter one

The knife went souring through the air, burying itself deep in the wall right where his eye would have been if he hadn't seen it coming. "Goddammit," he muttered, staring at the wickedly sharp blade that glinted in the faint light from the window. This was getting out of hand.

He saw the attack coming a mile away and quickly ducked and rolled to avoid it, getting to his feet again when the knife was wrenched from the wall and his attacker came after him again. He dodged everything she threw at him, not once taking the opportunity to hurt her, whether she was trying to kill him or not, she was still his doll. His everything.

She lashed out with the blade again and it just – just – missed his jugular, instead leaving a thin red line just under his jaw. If this went on for much longer one of them would get seriously hurt. "Y/n!" He called out, trying to get through to her. "Put the knife down, we're not in Hydra. You don't have to kill anymore."

She didn't respond, instead lunging forward, the knife aimed for his throat, forcing him to back up against the wall. There was real fear in his eyes, it wasn't like the first time she'd tried to kill him, now he had something to live for. Or rather, someone. "You're wrong," she hissed, the point of the blade pressed just under his chin. "I do have to kill you. They'll-"

"Punish you?" there was a knowing look in his ice-blue eyes that made her stop short, the words dead on her lips. "Hurt you? Do the cruellest and most inhumane things they could ever come up with? I know what they'll do to you, but I won't let that happen."

She looked away, unable to hold his gaze. "How do you know me?"

"Because I was you," his left hand – made of shining silver – gently moved the blade away from him, his thumb finding a spot on her hand that forced it to go lax, allowing him to pry the weapon from her grip. "They hurt me too, doll, and they could do it again a hundred times over as long as you won't have to go through that again."

A white cat finally left his hiding place in the shadows, weaving between the two as they faced each other, neither willing to make a move. The cat meowed, shattering the silence, and something clicked in her- your mind.

Your throat tightened as you realized what you could have done, and this wasn't the first time it had happened either. "What did- what'd I do?" You whispered, scared to hear the answer.

"Nothing," Bucky's right had found its way to your cheek, thumb brushing your cheekbone, his palm pressed to your skin, grounding you. You still noticed the way he tilted his head slightly, concealing the thin cut under his jaw. "I'm fine, doll."

The white cat – Alpine – turned away and trotted towards the window. "Sometimes," Bucky mused, his hand trailed through your hair as he led you to where the cat was sitting on the wooden windowsill. "I think he can read minds."

You nodded absently, your thoughts still on the nightmare that had triggered you to almost kill the love of your life. You felt one of his hands settle in the centre of your back, pulling you against him while his other hand continued to comb gently through your hair. Both of you just stared out at the star-speckled sky, watching as the half-moon got ever closer to the tops of the buildings beyond.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bucky asked after a while, kissing the top of your head.

You shook your head, as always. You didn't want to trouble him when you knew he was tormented by memories as much as you were.

It had been about two weeks since Natasha helped you escape S.H.I.E.L.D., you'd both been laying low, only leaving the apartment when you had to and really just trying to recover. Hydra did awful things to both of you, and even though that time was over, the nightmares could drive you wild. Bucky was better at coping with it than you were, but you supposed he'd already spent two years free from Hydra, so maybe he'd adjusted to constantly waking up unsure of where he was or what he was supposed to do. The fact that your last mission had been to kill him didn't help either.

There was a clicking sound right by your ear and you jolted out of your thoughts. "You had that look again, you need to stop getting lost in there, doll," Bucky said gently, moving his hand from beside your ear to cup your cheek. "Your mind will hurt you more than anything else can. Don't let it take control."

"Okay," you almost sobbed, knowing that he was right. It was such a struggle to keep your voice steady nowadays.

You felt before you saw his arms wrap around you, holding you tightly against his chest and tucking your head under his chin. "It's okay, sweetheart, I got you," he whispered, rocking gently from side to side. "Come on, let's go back to bed. I'll scare off the nightmares if they come for you again."

You nodded and allowed him to lead you to the bedroom. There were two rooms, but you quickly discovered that you both slept better when you were together. It still took you almost a week to break Bucky's habit of sleeping on the floor, which you now realized was probably at least part of the cause of his lack of sleep.

You paused in the doorway, again worrying about whether it was safe to be around him.

"Y/n," you felt his fingers under your chin, tilting your head up so you looked at him. "You won't hurt me."

Your eyes flicked between his, trying to read the truth in his words. His hand moved to your cheek and you caught his wrist, despite your weak grip he froze instantly, that look that reminded you of a puppy wondering what he'd done wrong returning to his eyes. You relented slightly, releasing his wrist and moving your hand to interlace your fingers with his.

"This is the third time this week," you murmured. "And if you'll refuse to actually fight me then it'll only be so long before..." Before I actually kill you. The words hung in the air, unspoken.

You could feel that – now familiar – burning sensation behind your eyes, the one that meant tears were imminent. You blinked a couple of times but it did no good.

"Oh, doll," you felt his arms wrap around you again and you quickly buried your face in his chest, your tears already beginning to leave a damp patch on his shirt. "You know I hate seeing you like this, what can I do to help?"

Maybe you were selfish, but now, while you felt his arms around you, protecting you, holding you close, you couldn't push him away. "Just... just hold me... please."

"Of course, sweetheart."

Woo! Chapter one!

Hello again to everyone who read the first book and is back for more, and if you haven't read the first book then Hi, welcome to the fam. Honestly, you all feel like family to me (in a not-creepy way) because of all the support and comments. And you're even more amazing people for coming back for more or just taking the time to click on this book.

I'm on a break right now which means I'll be able to update more frequently, about once every 3-4 days. This story will be covering the other MCU storylines following Captain America: The Winter Soldier (THe ones Bucky is involved in, anyway). There may be a third book, it depends on... a lot of things. ANYWAY, hope everyone's doing great, feel free to comment any questions or thoughts, I love feedback.

Anyone who's already read most of my books probably knows what I'm about to say: 

Thanks for reading!