A Little Bit Yours • Park Jimin

Chapter 8: The Dark Side of the Moon

Monday morning had rolled around and you were dreading going into work because Jimin was probably the last person in the world that you wanted to see. All you could think about was the way he looked at you after kissing your forehead and you hated that your heart raced every time your dumb brain brought it up randomly.

You refused to like Jimin because he had been not nice to you and had caused you an obscene amount of stress the last few weeks. He literally made you look desperate to other people, and that was just the conversation you heard - how many times did he allude to other people that you were obsessed with him? Ugh, what a turd.

But still, the thought of his lips on your forehead made you blush and you were convinced that you were either a masochist or just a complete moron - but frankly you were leaning more towards the latter. You had been doing so well with disliking him and all it took for you to change your tune about him was a kiss and some pretty, fluttering eyes? God, you hated that he seemed to appeal to the weak bitch in you that you tried really hard to hide.

One thing you were certain of was that you were feeling anxious but you didn't know if it was because of Jimin or another extenuating circumstance. Either way, you had a huge weight in your chest and you were more fidgety than you usually were and you had the impending feeling that something was completely wrong.

The worst part was, you couldn't figure out what was causing the (at this point, inevitable) panic attack that was looming and it was frustrating you.

Sure, the idea of seeing Jimin after Saturday night was making you nervous but not to the point that you would have a panic attack.

Maybe it was school that was causing it? This week was sure going to be (to put it lightly) an absolute shit show. You had 3 midterms and two massive papers due and you knew that you would emotionally break more than once.

But you could tell, as anxiety-inducing as this week was going to be, it was not the cause for this panic attack. As you were sitting in class right before lunch, your phone pinged with a text message from your mom. When you glanced down at your phone, your heart plummeted into your stomach and you understood the feeling that something was wrong.

Your grandmother was in the hospital after having a nasty fall.

You took a deep breath and tried to rationalize your thoughts in your mind to calm the anxiety that was slowly building up. "This is fine, she has had multiple falls and she's been okay before. It doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen. You need to just breathe and not jump to the worst case scenario all the gosh darn time." You took a massive inhale and held it for about three seconds before exhaling. You were right, even though she was around 80 years old, your grandmother was a complete iron lady - in the last few years, she's had multiple strokes and falls and she's always recovered, so why should this time be any different?

But the problem is, you knew this time was different. You don't know why you knew that, but you could tell that the anxiety was coming from this gut feeling that something was wrong this time around. But, you couldn't think that way - at least not right now. The thought of everything that you had to accomplish this week was stressful enough, but mix that with the worry you felt for your grandmother and it would be debilitating.

So, you did what you normally did in these situations - you sucked it up and acted like nothing was wrong.

You're aware that internalizing all your anxieties and stresses was not the healthiest coping method, but this is what you've done for years and you doubted it was going to change now. So, you put your head down and studied, and took notes, and did everything that you could to distract you from the weight in your chest.

You got home close to 3 and even though you were nice and distracted for almost the entire time you were at school, the car ride back home seemed to remind you of everything going wrong right now.

You wanted to cry, but you couldn't. You knew that once you started crying, the dam was going to break and you have too much stuff to do so that was completely out of the question.

Oh great, now you feel like you can't breathe. You had work in an hour - you had to get your shit together because you were not about to have an emotional breakdown in front of guests, or worse - Jimin.

Oh great, now you were thinking about Jimin. God, why does he have to be so confusing? Why can't he just decide how he feels about you and move on with his life? Is his life goal to make your life a living hell?

You ran your hands through your hair - a nervous tick you had, and you decided that you had to do something before you shift. You didn't want anyone coming up and asking you if you were okay, because then you wouldn't be.

You grabbed your phone and your head phones and laid down on the couch. After putting the buds into your ears, you loaded up Pink Floyd's album, Dark Side of the Moon and closed your eyes when the beat of the first song came on.

While you listened to the album and focused on the melody and lyrics, you were taking slow, deep breaths and tried to clear your mind of everything. It's fine, you're fine, everything is fine.

The last song on the album finished, and you already felt much better - you still struggled to take a deep, satisfying breath but the weight on your chest felt like 3lbs as opposed to the 30lbs you originally felt. See? Complete improvement.

With that, you got dressed and went to work, fully intending to use this shift to forget about school, your grandmother, and Jimin.

Except, in the midst of all the panic you felt today, you completely forgot that Jimin was actually scheduled to work that shift with you, so avoiding him was off to a good start.

Upon seeing him at the POS system, you felt your heart rate accelerate, but instead of it being because of being happy to see him, it was the anxiety. He stood there looking so gorgeous and so unbothered about everything going on and part of you wished you could be like him. It made you super jealous but what were you going to do about it? Absolutely nothing at all.

On top of being garbage at properly coping with inconveniences (aka, anxiety) you also were trash at handling guys showing any actual interest in you. And that doesn't mean the creepy guys who constantly hit on you at work. But the guys like Jimin - who have talked to you outside of work and still are able to look at you like no one else matters.

Those guys are scary, which meant that Jimin was terrifying to you and you didn't know what to do about it.