❝𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙯𝙫𝙤𝙪𝙨 ❞

lviii

user hyuckiefy this one's for u😙

2019. 01. 07.

everything fell.

not into pieces. but in chaos.

mark was excused on every schedules since the news broke out. if he won't, he'll just get mobbed.

there were many violent reactions. some were supporting him and his choice.

mark couldn't even open his phone. he's scared. to see his face and name on an article. and of course, also for renjun.

worst, there were petitions. for him to withdraw from the upcoming world tour and from the group itself.

mark will, sooner. but the fact that the people he thought loves him would eventually turn their back on him and make these silly twitter trends of kicking him out.

they don't have to tell him twice.

it's been a week but the scandal didn't die down even a bit.

the group was affected. there were boycott plans everywhere. they were under fire that mark just wanted nothing but to kneel in front of his members and beg for forgiveness.

and just when mark thought nothing could be worse that what he is through now, he was proven wrong when a wave of fans started camping outside their dorm, waiting for him to come out so they could post his face online.

mark never gave them the chance. he never stepped a foot outside.

as for renjun, he himself was advised never to go out or take formal or informal interviews. mark and renjun's cases aren't that difference. but mark is worried it is all to much for the younger.

he's just waiting for the company's cue to make a statement. hopefully, he'll be given the chance next week.

mark can't wait to get rid of the hands that keeps suffocating him. he can't wait to unleash himself from a contract.

"have you been eating well?" worry laced mark's tone as renjun picked up the call.

renjun nodded shortly although he wasn't. he can't afford to have the appetite.

unlike mark, renjun dared to open his phone and his social media accounts. he wished he didn't.

between him and mark, the netizens were more furious about him. a trainee who haven't even started his career dared to date a top, billboard charting idol. of course, they'd hate him.

they called him undeserving, ambitious, dirty, a big flirt. how dare he seduce the mark lee? how desperate he is to leech of an sm idol just to debut? why don't he just die?

renjun thought, is the show business industry that harsh? that cruel? because how could they call him names, wish him death, just because he let his heart beat for someone?

how could people who doesn't know anything about him but his name and the fact that he's dating mark, ask him to take pills or hang himself as if it's just a small favor you ask to your friend?

renjun rarely gets out of his room, or his bed. he spent his days tucked beneath his blanket, away from the daggers of words pointed at him.

it wasn't a one time pain. it wasn't a raging blade thrown at his chest and wrecked his being in a second. it was a slow process of breaking renjun, it was acid slowly poured into his fresh wound, it was claws scratching his heart in a teasing but dementing way.

renjun was losing his sanity bit by bit. not one of his dormmates talked to him. maybe they're scared to be affiliated with the issue.

his friends do call him, but renjun doesn't have the thick face to talk to them. jeno and sungchan were being too much concerned that renjun had to block them.

"are you sick? you look pale."

renjun smiled at mark, "i'm perfectly fine. maybe it's just because of the lightning," he reasoned.

"that's a relief then," mark bit his lower lip. he doesn't know how long this would go on, but he's hoping renjun is holding on just like him.

"and you? i hope you're not having a bad time," renjun took a lot of effort not to roll out a broken word.

renjun bit his lower lip, nipped on it harshly to stop himself from tearing up to the point that he can taste the metal rust his blood brought.

but it's much better than to explain why he is crying.

"they all look after me. taeyong hyung nagged more and became more strict towards me but i know he just wants the best for me. i'm also having a phone detox to avoid stumbling upon online trolls."

good for you, renjun wanted to voice out. yet he's afraid that if he says another more word, he'd break down in front of the person he wants to appear strong the most.

"this is so shitty. we both can't get out. i can't even see you," mark pouted. "but that's fine, we'll see each other soon! and by then we don't need to give a fuck or two about getting caught," he continued, a stupid smile painted on his lips.

mark looks so happy, and renjun wanted to keep him happy. it was as if the reason why his system still keeps going is to preserve mark's smile.

he slides of his teeth off his bleeding lip and wiped it off using the back of his hand. "of course. of course," he assured mark.

it's just a little pain. it will pass by. renjun just have to endure it, and a lifetime awaits for him and mark.

ignore them, renjun. stop using your phone. don't let their words get into your head.

renjun hoped it's that easy. renjun hoped it isn't as painful as it is now.

"i've been practicing ever since i was fourteen years old. i never really lived the life. i can now enjoy, right? i can experience what people my age do. go on a date, find a job, wait for a promotion," mark couldn't help but to feel giggly at the thought.

renjun didn't reply. he tried to think over what mark just said.

"mark, are you sure? that you're ready to stop being an idol? won't you regret it? you're really willing to give up everything for us?"

sure, they talked about it. they'd just both give up their dreams. but what if that's just what they're saying because that's what it takes to be together?

mark hummed, searching his vocabulary on what words he should use. he must put it out nicely, and concisely.

"no. i'm not yet ready. i waited for this all my life. my veins pound every time i hear the beat of the music, i get adrenaline rush when the tip of my fingers holds the microphone. i love performing, renjun. and i don't ever wanna stop doing it."

again, renjun was right. what did he expect? before mark is his boyfriend, mark was a kid who dreamt of having this title, this fame, the crowd that shouts his name.

"but it's better lose my means to stand on a stage than to lose you. it's better to regret giving my dreams up than to regret giving you up."

but despite everything, despite the regrets he might cry over the countless nights– mark doesn't mind.

mark would never mind anything if it's for renjun.

"i'd always choose you, no matter what the choices are."

㊙️

I LOVE MARK CAN I HAVE A MARK LEE

anyways jeno mfal pc come home to me