The Shadow In My Light

Chapter 1

"My lady!" the servent yells as I run away, I run through the castle and finally find an exit, I'm breathing hard, my lungs barely taking any air in, my chest is heaving, so much pressure too much, I can't breathe. I finally reach the forest, My gown is dragging along the dirt floor, I trip and fall but I get back up "I have to get out of here" I breathe. "Stop right now!" says a guard. I look behind me to see about a handful of guards running after me "Crap, why do I have to be so slow!" I stagger forward, a branch snagged on the end of my gown causing it to tear, I catch myself before I fall again. I keep running, when I look back to see that the number of guards has doubled, my heart is pounding drowning away the sound of the leaves crunching under my bare feet. My feet are burning I feel the splinters from all the branches I stepped on digging deep into my heels, the palms of my hands are sweating, my dress is torn up and my hair is a mess, I don't care, I keep going, I refuse to stay.

How this may happen you may ask? Well, it's sort of a long story, lets go back, shall we?

It's early morning, whatever day it is, I've lost track at this point. Every day feels the same, I wake up, my servants come in and dress me putting on a too-tight corset and too-tight shoes. 

I'm dressed as any princess should be, an elegant gown that reaches the floor, an opening around the front, allowing my shoes to be exposed. The color is a light pink with a bit of a soft yellow reaching the front, the colors compliment each other. My white shoes, a 5-inch heel, wraps around the back of my foot and reveals my two toes. My hair is in a braid that wraps together to create a bun.

Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be dressed as a commoner, I hear it's easier. I've lived in this castle since the day I was born, I learned to read and to write, to form words and to speak, I learned to understand the duties of being a princess. 

I reach the dining room, where a feast of breakfast is laid out, I take my seat being careful with my dress knowing how puffy it is. There is so much silence, too much tension, god I want to leave so bad.

"Good Morning, Delilah," My father says after a few minutes "Good Morning father" I reply "You look quite lovely today" he compliments me "thank you," I say not even a little bit flattered. 

My father is dressed like how a traditional king is dressed, I'll let your imagination ponder about it. He usually dresses well when he's about to attend a meeting with the rest of the governors. Now I know the breakfast will be fast, like how it usually is.

The rest of the breakfast was quiet and uneventful just like every other morning. When I say every day feels the same, I mean every day literally feels the same. Neither one of us speaks unless there's really something to talk about, I always think about how it would be if my mother was here. My grandmother used to say that my father really loved her and for that I'm grateful, no one ever talks about my mother except my grandmother.

My mother died giving birth to me her name was Matilda Verisa, my father says I have her eyes, a light mint green color that fades to a light blue. I have mahogany-colored hair with streaks of gold strands. I never understood where I got my nose from though. My nose is straight and has a good shape as my grandmother liked to say, I don't really know what she would say now since she's dead.

My grandmother was considered cruel and unjust as others liked to say but to me, she was the sweetest person I knew, she always made me a cup of her most traditional hot cocoa and always gave me her most famous motivational speeches (to just me of course). She never liked my dad or I guess you could say her king but she tolerated him best she could, I remember my grandmother would yell at my father and he would yell back. When they thought I was asleep, I would escape from my window and go to training with my best friend Matt.

Matt and I grew up together, we used to get into trouble together all the time till he was recruited for the military. Ever since he came back from the war he has been training me saying it's important to be able to protect myself, I never opposed learning because I had always wanted to. Of course, my father always refused and said a lady should never be trained, I honestly have no idea what goes through his mind when he thinks things like that. 

Most days I go through the library if there's one thing I'm grateful for it's definitely the library. I love reading, it's the only escape I have from life, from reality. I know what your thinking, "why you're a princess you should be grateful for everything you have, your being spoiled" but the truth is I have no freedom. Everything I do is controlled, when I eat my portion is controlled so I don't become "fat" when I sleep I'm not allowed to sleep more than 12 hours, or else I "overslept", when I read, I'm only allowed to read for 1 hour at a time or else I'll be considered "lazy". You see now that I'm not spoiled, I'm a prisoner trapped in a castle, with the title of a princess.

My only escape from this castle is with Matt, if the lessons I have with Matt were taken away, I don't know what I would have left, I don't know who I would be.

After breakfast, I walk to the library to read, after I grab a book I exit the library and go to the garden. I requested a chair for the garden when I realized I liked reading in the garden more than in the library. There are couches under a huge tree that covers most of the garden and gives quite a bit of shade, the weather is nice, breezy, and light. I take the seat and start reading.

An hour passes and one of the guards comes up from behind the tree "My lady it is time for your cotillion lesson" he announces "Of course it is" I sigh marking the page I left on. I get up and start walking towards the entrance to the ballroom, I feel my gown dragging on the ground, I choose to ignore it and continue walking. When I enter I see my cotillion teacher, Alastair, "Good morning My lady, Delilah" he speaks "good morning to you, sir Alastair" I respond. "why don't we get started?" he recommends, already dressed and prepared for our lessons "of course".

About 2 hours later, I'm finally done with our lesson, and it's nothing new I've learned, just simple dancing and coordination. "Shall I escort you to your room, My lady?" the guard asks "Actually I think I'll go back to the garden if that's ok?" I say not really asking "My lady you know you cannot stay in the garden any longer than an hour" he states "I know what I can and cannot do, I am going to the garden whether my father likes it or not" I reply, I start walking towards the garden "Of course" he responds cautiously, he follows me to the garden, once I get to my destination I say "I'd like to be alone" his face goes still "but My lady your not allowed to be left unattended, your father will not be pleased" he breathes "please," I ask.

By this point, I know that the time is already a little past noon and I don't quite feel like bathing again.

"I'll be gone for only 15 minutes" he finally says "thank you" I mutter as he walks away. I know I seem to have a perfect life and that one day I will be queen, but I'm only 19, I want to live, I want to love, I want to learn the outside world. I want to leave.

I sit on the ground and just wait, wait for anyone or anything. I stare at the tree, at how the branches sway with the wind, how the leaves are perfectly orange. We're in the middle of fall right now, my favorite season, only because my mother was born in November. I never got the chance to know my mother, and it seems that no one is willing to talk about her, I think it's the grief of losing their queen, my grandmother said she was their greatest queen to have lived.

Before I know it 15 minutes pass "My lady it is time to return to your room" the guard comes from behind the tree "do you think I'll ever see anything outside the castle?" I ask with brutal honesty. "I-" the guard staggers, "I think you should focus on the present and not the future" he suggests "I suppose" I get up from the ground and start walking towards my chambers.

It's nighttime already, we finished dinner about 2 hours ago and now it's time for bed. 

I blow out my candle, whoosh the smoke away and fall asleep.